Thursday, July 19, 2007

Still On America...

But on a different note...

It seems some random no good terrorist folks attempted to do bad deeds in Scotland whilst we were overseas. Most Americans who spoke to us or asked us about it where genuinely concerned and said they were glad it hadn't been much worse. However I got this by email while I was gone and although it's poking fun at the Americans it did have a slight ring of truth to it and made me laugh!

Terror Attacks. The USA versus Scotland.

So they came to Scotland and tried to do us a damage. Imagine if they'd done the same thing in a US airport. Here's some how the eyewitnesses from each country would have reacted.

American: "Oh my god! There was a guy on fire and I was just so scared. He was just running about the place on fire and I was so scared and it was all crazy and I thought I was gonna die!"

Scot: "Some guy wis oan fire and running aboot the place goin' mental so when he came near me I just gave a stiff kick and then decked him. Tosser"

American: "I just wanna get home. It's so scary to be here right now. I don't want to be near an airport or a plane. You just don't know if it's safe"

Scot: "Ah'll tell ye this. I'm no fecking leaving here till I get oan that plane tae my holidays"

American: "There was chaos everywhere. No-one knew what was going. We were just so scared and people were just running all over the place. We could have died"

Scot: "Place wis in an uproar man. Folk running aboot and that so I took my family up tae the bar and got a pint in till it aw calmed doon again"

American: "We thought he was gonna blow us all to kingdom come. He was on fire. He had a gas canister in his hand. He was trying to get into the trunk. It was real scary. We thought we were gonna die. We just ran for our life. I thank sweet jesus I'm still alive to tell the tale"

Scot: "There wis a boy on fire and he hud this gas thing in his hands and he wis trying tae open the boot o the car an that but he couldnae dae it. He wis shouting stuff and that so I went over and gave him a kick in the baws and then hooked him one tae shut him up. He didnae shout so much efter that"

American: "There was a huge explosion and we were so scared. I just ran for my life. I thought we were all gonna die. I grabbed my cell phone so I could ring my Mom and say goodbye. I thought we were all gonna be dead"

Scot: "There wis a big bang. It wis loud likes. I jumped a bit like and spilt some irn-bru on ma polo shirt"

American: "I'm feeling very traumatised and very upset right now. I'm not sure I'm up to talking about this right now. I seriously thought I was gonna die. I'm probably gonna need counselling"

Scot: "Aye I'm happy tae be interviewed pal but gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear cause if ahm gonnie be on the tele ah want her tae tape it like"

Course these are all fictional quotes but here are two real ones...

John Smeaton, who was actually on the scene and helped to restrain one of the terrorists was interviewed by several news programmes. During his interview with ITN News the interviewer asked John: "What message do you have or the bombers?" John replied "This is Glasgow. We'll just set aboot ye" and when interviewed for CNN News John was asked how he restrained the terrorist. John replied "Me and other folk were just tryin' tae get the boot in and some other guy just banjoed him".

Absolute class.

Jenny xx


Steven Douglas said...

Brilliant...pure Gleswegian class.

Can you believe they're making a folk hero of that wank Smeaton? :-)

Wreckless said...

There's nothing to beat a good street fight, and it would seem the Scots agree. Gimme a chance just to get the boot in.....LOL!!!

Mommy D said...

Love it Jenny, what a laugh.