Thursday, August 31, 2006

A Quickie...

Can't stop.

Wreckless has toileted me though and I'm not having it!

You see I ain't be slacking on here....I've been having a stay with the NHS in one of thier fine medical establishments.

Not planned but sometimes wee emergencies creep on you.

I can't sit down so I'll update ya'll later!

Painkillers....where's my fucking painkillers??????????????????

Jenny xx

Thursday, August 24, 2006

I Think I'm Ready To Be A Granny...

I went to see baby Kara today. She's now almost 3 months and totally gorgeous.

However surprisingly I didn't get broody while having a wee hold. Normally the sight of a wee baby like that is enough to set my hormones off but they remained rooted today.

I cooed over her, spoke in that silly way you do to a baby, made her smile and rocked her for a bit. Then she started crying and I felt an overwhelming satisfaction that you get when you know you can hand them back!

Grannies are always good at saying that... "Aye their lovely but it's nice to able to give them back".

So I appear to be ready for Grannyhood and beyond New Motherhood. Fuck I'm getting old! Of course Grannyhood better be a damn long way off yet, like another 15 years or so or there will be trouble I can tell you!

Jenny xx


A big fucking stick.

Suitable for beating the shit out of a russian referee.

Jenny xx

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Peace Perfect Peace...

After an incredible 8 weeks worth of holidays my 2 little angels have gone back to school.

They headed on back yesterday, her into P6 and he into P2.

I swear to god when that bell went at 8.50am there was an audible sigh of relief from parents all over!

Jenny xx

Back To All Things Feminine...

What with all this football talk and stuff it's got very boyish on here of late.

So to return to a more female orientated way of thinking...

Yesterday I bought some new shoes. A total bargain. Now obviously the fact that I already own about 40 pairs is neither here nor there. In fact 40 is probably a slight underestimate but what the hell. My news shoes were not exactly necessary, it's not like if I didn't buy them I'd have nothing to put on my feet but they were required cause they match my favourite (for the moment) pink stripy top.

Yep my new shoes are pink. They are also sparkly and very girlie and at £6 in the sale? Well you can't pass that up can you?

Jenny xx

Geoff's At Work & I'm On Text Duty...

Better half is away to work. Shame really as he'll miss the match tonight on tv!

I'm under instruction to text his mobile with regular updates on how the JT's are getting on.

I can only imagine what it will be like at Edinburgh Airport if Hearts score 2 tonight! Passengers freaked out by the sight of a 6ft 3", tattooed, shave headed man jumping around shouting "Get In" loudly!

Of course should AEK Athens score the scenario will be the same except it will be shouts of "bastaaaaaaard"!.

We need to score 2 and keep them out. If we can achieve that then job done. It's a bloody huge ask....AEK are good. However Hartley is back, Pinilla is away to Greece with them and we have the best 12th man in the Scottish Football with around 1000 Jambo's making the trip. They won't hear me in Athens but I'll be in front of the tv with the kids cheering the Jambo's on.

Come on Hearts!!!

Jenny xx

Monday, August 21, 2006

Dear Mr Divemaster....

Dear Mr Divemaster,

I write in response to your earlier comment regarding the outcome of the football match which occured between the mighty Heart of Midlothian FC and Glasgow Rankgers FC on Saturday at Castle Greyskull which finished with Rankgers winning 2-0.

Your comment of GIRFUY (which for those uneducated in T'Internet speak translates to Get It Right Fucking Up You) suggested you were pleased by this result. Knowing your alliegance is to Paul Le Penguin's team this does not surprise me. I realise your pleasure at your team getting their second win of the season must have been all too much for you.

I, as a well rounded and balanced football supporter which all us Jambo's are, will happily concede that we were far from impressive on Saturday. Indeed we were rank rotten. However, this confession of how poor the mighty JT's were only heightens my hilarity at your pleasure over the result. The very fact being that Rankgers fans like yourself are very happy to have beaten a very poor Hearts side knowing damn fine that if you had faced a on form, full strength, injury free, Hearts side you would have had your arses well and truly skelpt much like your mediocre Glasgow neighbours did only a matter of weeks ago makes me laugh very hard.

I draw your attention at this time to the SPL table where you will no doubt see Rankgers have claimed top spot with Hearts 1 point behind. However, I would point out to you that Hearts have now played both the Infirm (oops I mean Old Firm teams) and have a much easier run of games now till October than Rankgers. Let's face it we all know you will drop 3 points to Glasgow Smeltic....I mean if you can't beat Dundee Utd or indeed Dunfermline and struggle to get past Motherwell... However, all credit to you and your team. We all know mediocre teams like Rankgers raise their games when they play big teams like the Jambo's!

I will close for now. It is Champions League football again this week and I must go and chat with my fellow Jambo's about the game. I trust you will be doing likewise with your fellow buckfast swilling, soap dodging ned friends in advance of Rankgers playing this week....Oh I do beg your pardon. How unforgivable of me. I completely forgot your team didn't make it into the CL or the qualifiers this season. Wasn't that because HMFC beat you to it?

Yours In Sport,

Jenny xx

Saturday, August 19, 2006

What's Going On...

I'm still sick. Proper sick. How can it still be? I've finished a full course of antibiotics, doped mysefl on cold remedies, inhaled more vicks than can be good for you and been drinking a horrible concoction of cough mixture, fresh orange juice and hot water which tastes rank. I've followed the "what to do when you're sick" book to the letter...excluding staying in bed and feeling sorry for myself.

Bugger it. Tomorrow I'm going to drink myself into a coma, smoke way too much and sit in the rain on a draughty mountain top naked.

I've tried everything else so I've nothing to lose. I'm getting a bit pissed off with being ill now.

Oh and to compund my mood of gloom...Hearts got beat the day by Rankgers 2-0. We were mince...they were also mince but we were Asda Smart Price mince and they were Steak mince. Soap dodging freaks.

I'm away to bed. In a huff.

Jenny xx

Friday, August 18, 2006

Small Update...

Ok a wee update in matters relating to my ex-employers.

3 weeks ago I wrote to them as instructed with a view to appealing my dissmissal. It's procedure and had to be done.

As yet they've not responded. Now it may be there's a perfectly good reason for this. There may be people on holiday or the person dealing with it might have been busy with other matters. Fair enough if that's the case.

However, it would have been nice if they could have advised me of that. A simple acknowledgement that they had my letter (which I know they have as it went in person) and that there would be a delay would have been polite. However, I expected nothing less than what I have received so far. It is after all a basic lack of respect which has brought us to this point.

What does make me laugh though is the fact that they seem to have plenty time to still be reading this Blog!!

Jenny xx

Strange Dream...

I had an odd dream last night.

I was waiting in a line to get into a Hearts match when Ross appeared asking me how much a season ticket was. I told him I got mine for £30 (as if!!) and said I'd show him where to go to get one. So we headed off and walked round the corner to a hot dog stand (!) and bought Ross his season ticket.

The two of us headed back to the stadium which for some inexplicable reason was in Tollcross and nothing like Tynie and sat in our seats to watch the match. It was like I imagine football must have been in olden times...the ball was tan, the players were wearing old style strips and boots and people were wearing 30's and 40's clothes...all the men were in hats and overcoats or working clothes and flat caps and there were no women. Ross and I were dressed in clothes we'd wear now. Ross told me he'd got a new job as a sports reporter writing about the football but he'd left his work stuff on the bus when he came to the match. Geoff was there too and offered Ross a permanent marker to write his report. Geoff was busy scribbling away beside me as well and was wearing a hat with the word press on a piece of card stuck in the in the old movies...Ross was still worried as he had nothing to write on and so I gave him my jeans!

Later on I was sitting at an old fashioned typewriter typing up Geoff's notes which were written on a sweatshirt as well as lots of pieces of scrap paper. Ross appeared and asked me if I'd type up his. I agreed (I was typing really fast, whacking the bar back along almost cartoon style!) and he handed me the jeans which had his full match report all down both legs and across the bum on the back in marker pen.

I was sitting reading what was on the jeans and typing it up while Ross drank dandelion tea and spoke to his boss on the phone assuring him his piece would be with him in minutes as we were sending it by pigeon via Tollcross!! I turned to Ross and told him to tell his boss it would be 30 minutes as it was raining and the pigeon might find it hard to see where he was going. The last thing I recall was shaking Ross and saying "listen to that's hammering down".

At that point I woke up and realised I had in fact shook Geoff and was saying to him"listen to the's hammering down"...and it was, it was raining cats and dogs and Geoff was now awake and agreeing with me!

How very odd.

Jenny xx

Friday Night...

It's a big Friday night this week.

I'm away oot to resume pint pulling duties later on in my new establishment and it's the final of Big Brother.

Gutted about forgetting that was tonight and agreeing to start work actually...I've never missed BB final before!

Anyhow we're down to 6 possible winners and here's the verdict from me.

Jennie - I reckon she'll be first to go tonight. She's alright but hasn't half got a nippy attitude sometimes.

Richard - I happen to love Dickie but I fear he may end up going next. He's up against other big personalities who will probably have more support behind them.

Nikki - Think she'll be next. The public have got rid of her once already. She is a spoilt, petulant, childish wannabee but her tantrums have made funny viewing. Although I will confess that if I 'd been in the house with her I'd have lost it by now and slapped her.

Aisleyne - Dear god get her out. I hate her. Ghetto Princess my arse. All those who think she's been keeping it real need to have a word. There's nothing real about a middle class white woman pretending to be black, using black language and acting like she's some Homies bitch. Plus that freaking shrieking she does...and the crying...and her eyebrows...and the dancing in front of mirrors....and her arse...and those clothes....

Glyn - Has provided some funny moments and his ignorance about life is kind of endearing purely because we know he's an intelligent lad. However, all that Wales stuff and his unability to see through Horse Face Grace have put me off him slightly.

Pete - I want Pete to win. He's funny, talented, gorgeous, genuine and unaffected. He deals with his tourettes in a way which will have been inspirational to other sufferers. The world needs more individuals like him. He dresses to please himself, is unafraid to look silly and goes into things wholeheartedly. Pete should get the nod and he's got my vote.

Jenny xx

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Would You Adam And Eve It...

He who lives with me took his car for it's MOT yesterday. After dropping it off at 9.30am we were still waiting on the garage ringing us by 3.30pm. Geoff rang them to find out when the car was likely to be back...and more importantly to see if it had passed the test...the guy told him he'd expected it to be back by now but it wasn't. He said he'd ring to let us know when it did return.

20 minutes or so passed and the phone rings. Geoff answers it and is chatting to the guy in the kitchen. I can hear bits of the conversation and it's going along the lines of "you're joking?". I sit in the lounge assuming the car has failed it's MOT and this is heightened when Geoff appears with a rather grumpy looking face touched with a bit of disbelief.

Turns out though that the car has in fact passed it's MOT with flying colours. However, that is the good news! The bad news, and the reason for Geoff's less than happy face, is that the guy bringing the car back from the MOT test centre has been involved in an accident...and Geoff's car has been damaged!

So we head into the garage to see the damage and find out what happened. Turns out the guy from the garage stopped at zebra crossing to let a guy cross over and someone ran into the back of him. The guy from the garage came out to see us and was very apologetic (even though it wasn't his fault!) turns out he's been driving for nearly 40 years and has only ever had 2 accidents...the second being today's one and his first in 30 years! Luckily no-one was badly hurt, the guy from the garage had a bit of a sore neck, which will probably be a bit more sore today.

The guy that ran into him admitted he was totally at fault and had been going too fast. Apparently his car was trashed...front wing gone, headlights gone, bumper gone, drivers door crumpled so badly he couldn't get out!

Luckily Geoff's car fared a bit better. The guy from the garage was sure it would be wrecked given the force it was hit with and he was surprised to see it wasn't too bad. The back bumper is cracked and has come away from the body of the car, the paintwork is damaged across the back and side but apart from that it's ok. Seems the Mondeo can take a fair whack! Still it's £1000 worth of damage!

In a bizarre twist of fate, the guy who hit the car was on his way to trade his in! Even more bizarre was that he is the owner of a car repair bodyshop and oddly although the crash took place in Edinburgh the guy who hit the car lives out our way! He's going to carry out all the repairs through his garage under the supervision of our garage to make sure it's done properly to save him claiming his insurance. Wonder what the odds are on 2 car repairmen colliding with each other?

That's the third bump our cars have had in a year so as things come in three's we should now be alright for the rest of 2006!

Jenny xx

Today I'm Officially Liking...

Boiled egg mashed up in a cup.

The song Glorious by Captain.


Melting Vicks Vapour Rub in hot water and letting it waft all round the bathroom.

The new Scissor Sisters song I Don't Feel Like Dancing.

And cups of Tea.

Jenny xx

Guitar Greats...

Last night there was a wee online discussion about the greatest guitar solos ever on Kickback.

Liking my music somewhat it was right up my street. The good and great were all mentioned (Hendrix, Paige, Gilmour, Clapton, Slash, BB King etc) as well as a few I hadn't listened to before (Stevie Ray Vaughan, Dimebag Darrel - Pantera, Kirk Hammet - Metallica, Joe Satriani) which I've since been busy dowloading! There was also a few surprising one's choices that is not the one at the bottom of my list and Europes Final Countdown!

So here's a few of my favourites in no order at all....(song title, artist, guitarist & album)

Sweet Child O Mine - Guns N Roses - Slash - Appetite For Destruction
November Rain - Guns N Roses - Slash - Use Your Illusion 1
Hotel California - The Eagles - Felder/Walsh - Hotel California
Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne - Randy Rhoads - Blizzard Of Oz
While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles - Eric Clapton - The White Album
All Along The Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix - Electric Ladyland
Layla - Derek & The Dominoes - Clapton/Allman - Layla & Other Assorted Love Songs
Parisenne Walkways - Gary Moore - Parisenne Walkways - The Blues Collection
Brothers In Arms - Dire Straits - Mark Knopfler - Brothers In Arms
Stairway To Heaven - Led Zeppelin - Jimmy Paige - Led Zeppelin iv
Walk This Way - Run DMC & Aerosmith - Joe Perry - Big Ones
Heartbreaker - Led Zeppelin - Jimmy Paige - Led Zeppelin ii
Johnny B Goode - Chuck Berry - Chuck Berry On Top
Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd - Dave Gilmour - The Wall
Smooth - Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas - Carlos Santana - Supernatural
And oddly...
Beat It - Michael Jackson - Eddie Van Halen - Thriller (I know this seems a dodgy choice but Eddie let's rip about 2 mins into it!).

There were also a few mentions for Neil Young & Jeff Beck...whom I have never listened too much to Geoff's disbelief and hilarity! I take it their stuff's well known then??!!

Anyway a few of my favourites made it onto the top 100 of all time which you can see for yourself by clicking here.

Jenny xx

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Happy Anniversary To Me...

It's my anniversary today. Well it's as close to an anniversary as you get when you live in sin with someone else's husband I suppose!

It is 7 years ago today that I left my Husband to be with him who now lives with me. 7 years already. Quite a record for me. It is now the longest I have ever stayed with the same person. My Husband and I managed 5 years 11 months and 14 days from first going out to seperation!

It is also the longest I have ever remained faithful to one person. A fact I am very proud of!

However, since I woke up this morning I've had this terrible itch. It's all over. It's not too bad but it's a bit niggly. Wait a minute...7 itch....mmmm!

Only kidding, I'm still as happy if not more so with my decision (and my better half) as I was way back then!

Jenny xx

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Oh And On Another High...

Paul Hartley is back to fitness and played well in this afternoon bounce game against Gretna.

I quote "He looked on fire". So said a witness to the game!

Bring on Rangers on Saturday!!

Jenny xx

However On The Down Side...

I am still sick. Proper sick.

Chesty cough, blocked nose, temperature etc etc.

The antibiotics are working but slowly. I think they are speeding up my nasal secretion production in a bid to clear it all away as I have never blown my nose so much in my life. Sadly this means I resemble Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer at a point in the year when it unfashionable to do so.

C'est La Vie though. And don't go giving me how you feel sorry for he who lives with me. He's having an easy time of it...I could've (and probably should've) curled up in my bed for the last 4 days and stayed there but I ain't.

Jenny xx

And On Another High...

I will now be resuming duties pulling pints of a weekend starting on Friday.

And no this does not mean a return to my previous employers! I'm still in the middle of Issuesville with that lot. It simply means that another bar in very close proximity will be benefitting from my brilliance for the time being.

As they say, one man's egotistical petulance is another man's fortune...or words to that get the drift.

Jenny xx

A Good Days Work...

Yesterday I was officially skint. Well today I am officially loaded! Hurrah!

Well not loaded exactly but I am now the grand sum of £101 per month better off then I was at the start of the day.

So how come? Well today I decided to do a little finance check. I rounded up all those pesky outgoings each month and decided to see if I could get better deals on them...and you know what? I did!

I've saved £11 a month on my house insurance and raised the value of it and got a years travel insurance thrown in gratis, £30 on my mobile phone contract, £30 on my phone and broadband package (with a sparkly new wireless connection and phone and free calls chucked in!) and best of all £30 on my Sky subscription.

Sky...bless them...they don't want you to leave them you see, so you phone and threaten to cancel it and they trip over themselves to do you a deal. It dawned on me today I was paying £70 a month to watch tv not including the stupid license fee to the BBC...£70 a month for tv? Yep that's what it costs for 2 sky boxes, all the channels and a subscription to Setanta sports for his nibs. I got 'em down to 6 months half price and free sports for a year! Sorted!

So I'm £101 better off each month. That equates in Jenny currency to 7 pairs of New Look sale shoes a month or 1 pair of good shoes and a new pair of trainers!

Jenny xx

Empty Purse...

Right then I'm officially skint.

Today was spent kitting out the kids for their return to school. Marks and Spencer must be laughing all the way to the bank. I on the other hand am standing at the cash machine frowning.

Feeling a little bouyant thanks in part to some amoxycillin to help my throat and chest feel a bit better I headed out in search of school clobber and accessories.

3 x black trousers, 1x black jumper, 2 x black skirts, 1 x black girls trousers, 1 x purple school bag, 1 x black school bag, 1 x 5 pack of black socks, 1 x 7 pack of white socks, 1 x black boys jacket, 1 x black girls jacket, 2 x gym shoes, 2 x packs of pencils, 2 x coloured pencils, 1 x boys leather school shoes, 1 x girls leather school shoes, 1 x girls black cardigan, 1 x calculator, 1 x "cars" lunchbox, 1 x "cute kitten" lunchbox....not too mention 4 x official school polo shirts in red, 4 x official school polo shirts in black, 2 x official school sweatshirts in red, 2 x official school sweatshirts in black.

Mum played a blinder by wading in to pick up the cost of their jackets and shoes...this is why the world needs Grandparents! Cheers Mum!

Needless to say I came home feeling lighter in the purse area and in need of a couple more painkillers!

Jenny xx

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Feeling The Chill...

I am sick today. Proper sick. I have a stinking cold and everytime I swallow it feels like my throat is being rubbed with sandpaper.

Illness is strange....I went to bed on Friday morning at 3am. I felt fine. I fell asleep at 5am. I felt fine. I got up again at 9am and had developed a fully fledged cold! 4 hours from well to hell!

So it's a warm bath later, a take away Madras (which unblocks a nose better than vicks) and an early night under my down filled duvet in my big bed!

Jenny xx

Terrorist Plot...

So we've uncovered and foiled a major terrorist plot to blow to pieces about 9 aircraft and kill thousands of innocent men, women and children. That's got to be good news.

It's even better news when BAA (those who run our airports) pay one of the wages in your house.

Terrorist Threat + Public Safety + New Security Measures = Overtime!!

Jenny xx

Friday, August 11, 2006

Och Well...

Hearts 1 - 2 Aek Athens.

And that scoreline doesn't tell the half of it.

Hearts started poorly and got sicker as the first half went on. The midfield was nowhere, the tackles were few and far between and Aek were worthy of 4 goals in the first half!

However, by some miracle Hearts got in at half time at 0-0.

It seemed inevitable that AEk would score at some point. Hearts meanwhile didn't look like threatening them much at all. Then to the shock of most, Hearts broke through and it was 3 against 3. Jankauskas passed a sweet ball through to Bednar who let loose on goal only to see if rebound before it fell to Miko's feet and he rattled it in.

Murrayfield erupted. 32k Jambo's all on their feet. The crowd who had sung their hearts out (no pun intended) from kick off suddenly cranked the noise up another level and "the hearts are havin' a party" was belted out at full force.

Hearts got an obvious lift from the goal and started to pass the ball about a bit more and come forward down the wings. Aek looked stunned by the goal and seemed to take thier eye off things. It looked as if we might just pull of a shock victory.

However, the ref had other ideas and abotu 5 minutes after the goal he sent Bruno off for a second yellow card offence. The tackle went shows clearly Bruno didn't touch the player but the ref awarded the free kick and Bruno who had the ball in his hand threw it down. The ref deemed this worthy of a second card and suddenly the nerves kicked in as we realised we had 20 minutes still to hang on.

Hang on we did though and it was clearance after defensive clearance from Hearts with Gordon making some good saves in goal.

In 88 minutes it all came apart though as Aek equalised with a great header into the top corner and disaster struck in injury time as a powerful shot took a wicked deflection into the back of Gordon's net.

The 32k Jambo's were left gutted.

So we now head to Greece in a fortnight with a mountain to climb if we're to qualify for the group stages of the Champions League. We need to score 2 over there and keep them out and if they score we need 3 more goals. It's tall order but hell we're Jambo's and we believe. We've nothing to lose now and the pressure is of. We're not expected to win it. So we'll use that to our advantage and go to Greece and hump them!!! Hurrah!!

Jenny, optimistic till the end!

Jenny xx

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Tonight's The Night...

Tonight's the night then. The mighty Heart of Midlothian FC take to the pitch at murrayfield to face AEK Athens for a shot at sitting with the big boys at Europes top table.

We will be there of course, singing our wee hearts out no doubt along with, if estimated figures are to be believed, over 30 000 other like minded individuals. This would be Hearts biggest "home" crowd in many decades!

Geoff is 43 years old and he wasn't born last time Hearts played in a European Cup match!

I can't wait for tonight!

Jenny xx

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

How Fucking Long Does It Take....

To read a letter, reply to a letter and post it out?

Jenny xx

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Early To Bed...

I'm heading to bed early tonight, with good reason, and no it doesn't mean I've had an offer!

I'm going to bed now because I am shattered. I've been feeling a bit off colour for a few days now, probably some little virus growing in me, and my temperature is going up and down faster than a prostitutes knickers.

Friday night I managed 4 hours sleep and last night due mainly to the fact that I was so hot I was dangerously near to combusting I managed a shitty 1 hour of sleep with two 20 minutes dozes in between.

My eyelids are now feeling as heavy as lead balloons and I'm struggling to keep them open any longer. So it's a bath and bed for me. Hopefully I'll fall asleep before my temperature starts to soar again.

Night Night.

Jenny xx


Heart Of Midlothian 2 - Celtic 1

Even with cheating Linesman ruling a perfectly good Roman Bednar goal as offside we still beat the "mighty" champions. That's back to back wins over this miserable half of the Old Firm.

The non-believers are choking on their own words today!! The revolution continues!!

Bring on AEK Athens!!

Jenny xx

Saturday, August 05, 2006

An Interesting Site For The Readers Among You...

While we're on books...

I came across a site where you can build your own virtual library. You can stick all the books you've read in it or ones you want to. You can catalogue them all if you're anal. You can review them online and you can link it to other peoples lists as well. You can tag them all.

Good fun if you're a book freak. Good fun to if you're looking for reading inspriation.

Go and look...

Jenny xx

Too Many Daves...

Too Many Daves

Did I ever tell you that Mrs McCave had 23 sons and she called them all Dave?

Well she did. And that wasn't a smart thing to do. You see when she wants one and calls out "Yoo Hoo! Come into the house Dave!" she doesn't get one. All 23 Daves of hers come on the run.

This makes things quite difficult at the McCaves'
As you can imagine with so many Daves.
And often she wishes that, when they were born,
She had named one of them Bodkin Van Horn
And one of them Hoos-Foos. And one of them Snimm.
And one of them Hot Shot. And one Sunny Jim.
And of them Shadrack. And one of them Blinky.
And one of them Stuffy. And one of them Stinkey.
Another one Putt-Putt. Another one Moon Face.
Another one Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face.
And one of them Zigy. And one Soggy Muff.
One Buffalo Bill. And one Biffalo Buff.
And one of them Sneepy. And one Weepy Weed.
And one Paris Garters. And one Harris Tweed.
And one of the Sir Michael Carmichael Zutt.
And one of them Oliver Boliver Butt.
And one of them Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate
But she didn't do it. And now it's too late.

All copyright of Dr Suess of course.

I was reading to my son tonight and he picked Green Eggs and Ham (I do not like them Sam I Am!!) which includes this story which always has both of us giggling like mad when we read it.

I learned to read on Dr Suess books (no boring Janet and John for me) which goes a long way to why I like to read so much nowadays...or maybe it's why I'm a bit nuts!!

By the way did you know that Green Eggs and Ham (you know I would not, could not on a boat, I would not , could not with a goat....) was written as a bet from a friend to Dr Suess that he couldn't write a decent story using only 50 words? No? Well you do now.

Jenny xx

Revenge Is Sweet...

Wreckless came across this blog and mentioned it on his blog. It's all about a girl called Emily who finds out her Husband of 7 years has been cheating on her with her best friend. The blog details Emily's revenge on the cheating sod. It's great fun!

I am all for revenge. Yes it can be childish, damaging and make you look like you can't move on but it can also be cathartic, necessary for sanity and downright fun.

It's all very noble to keep your chin up and remain dignified and silent when you've been hurt, used, made to look stupid, taken for a ride, treated like shit, etc, etc but there is also an element of the victim about it. I mean if you build up a reputation as being someone who remains dignified and silent when you're pissed upon then what's going to deter any fucker from doing it to you again?

There has been one occasion in my life thus far when I have taken a severe kick in the teeth (metaphorically speaking) and I took it with grace and handled it in a dignified manner. I made only 2 phone calls to the involved parties (well one to her and a couple to her husband) and made my feelings clear without resorting to violence. I was even dignified to offer her a choice on how we should approach matters with the conversation going a bit like "You can speak to me now and listen to what I've got to say by telephone or I'll come to your work and say what I want to in front of the whole fucking office, your choice" which I think was damn reasonable of me.

However, as much as I took some pleasure out of taking the dignified approach and the fact that I had controlled my temper enough to deal with it all in a civilised manner the whole thing chewed away at me for the next 2 years or so and knocked me stupid. The anger didn't die down, the betrayal stayed with me and my self confidence took ages to return, even to this day I regret not having vented a bit more anger.

I did get a bit of the anger out my system when nearly 8 months later I found the only parking space left was the one in front of the person in questions car. Without batting an eyelid I locked my car door and dragged my key clean along the side of her's as I walked into work. Did I feel bad? Nope. Did I feel good? Nope. Did I feel a bit more satisfied? Yes.

To this very day if I saw that bitch again I'd have to bite my hand to prevent my mouth opening, or maybe to prevent my hand from connecting with her jaw. She caused me misery, pain and worse of all self doubt, something I do not suffer from lightly. She walked away unscathed bar her reputation as first class wife and mother being tattered and her car needing a touch up. If I'd been younger and therefore wilder she wouldn't have walked for a long time!

I firmly believe that if I had taken my revenge way back when with her as I should have I'd have been able to put the matter to bed much sooner.

So I am a firm believer in revenge. I am the first in line if there's a good turn needing done. I'll help anyone in any way I can. I am generally a good person but where one good turn deserves another I reckon one bad turn does as well.

And don't go giving me your nonsense about lowering yourself to their level or how people have more respect for the dignified approach. That's words used by those who are prepared to be used, walked over and treated like shit. There's a time to behave in a dignified manner and there's a time to behave like the angry person you are inside.

Getting it all out stops it festering inside you...which can destroy you and pull you down. You can only move on when you've dealt with it and if that means taking out a billboard, or spraying a car or giving away all someone's prized possessions like Emily did or keying a car 8 months later like I did then so be it.

Maybe folk'll think twice about pissing on you again.

Jenny xx

Friday, August 04, 2006

Time To Set Up Text Alerts...

I'm thinking of offering a new sms alert service. You know the sort of thing I mean. If I write about something I think you'll be intrested in you'll get a wee text message to let you know. You give me a key word and if it's in the posting I make I'll text you!

Sounds good eh? And it'll save 2 certain individuals from sitting at their pc checking here on a frequent basis to see if I've written anything contraversial. I'll just alert them when I think they'll be intrested.

Actually sod the text alerts, that could cost a lot of money to me and I'm without a wage now so instead what about this...

For the forseeable future I will not be mentioning my ex-employer and our current difference of opinion on here.

I will not be on here slating them. I will not be on here naming and shaming individuals. I will not be giving my views on what I think of how they have behaved. I know you're all disappointed. You were hoping I'd give you a bit of scandal. You were hoping I'd be on here shooting my mouth off.

Sorry to disappoint but this blog will now revert back to being about me and my life and my opinions on things I decide to write about...I'm thinking about topics for new posts already...trying to get my juices flowing after a week or so of not posting anything remotely amusing, sarcastic or just plain silly...possible topics might include "Shoe Shopping", "Big Brother Contestants" or "Men In Girly Frilly Knickers?" or maybe "Job Hunting A Helpful Guide"

Jenny xx

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Catch Up Time...

Time to resume normal service I think.

So what's been happening in the life of little old me lately then? Well the answer is not much really. Hence the lack of writing on here.

I've taken some advice regarding my employers decision to sack me and have followed that so far and am now waiting to see what transpires from here. In the meantime I'll be keeping an eye out for another licensed premises who are looking for a decent barmaid to pull a few pints on a Saturday night!

This Saturday my cousin got married to her long term partner so we headed over the water to Fife for her reception. The bride looked lovely as did her 3 little boys who were all in tails. I'm not a fan of tails and much prefer seeing Scotsmen in a kilt but the boys did look cute as buttons!

It was a small, intimate wedding just the way they wanted it and it was nice to spend some time with the bits of the family we don't see that often. Lots of old memories of our childhoods were remembered and there was lots of laughs.

One of my good friends was out for a visit today and we whiled away few hours chatting about this and that. She's an ex-colleague from my time with employer who has just sacked me, although she's been gone for a few months now. It was nice to catch up in person and she came armed with chocolates and wine which is always nice and a wee good luck card with the message to fight for what's right!

So other than that not much has been going on. The weather ain't half turned though. The gorgeous sunshine and sticky heat that kept us all awake at night has gone and has been replaced by a chilly wee spell. As I sit here I have goosebumps! The duvet is well and truly back up off the floor! Apparently though parts of August are to be hotter than July were so if true it's all good as July was the hottest on record for donkeys years and that's official!

Jenny xx