Friday, June 22, 2007

Oh And Absolutley My Last Post Before I Go...

I got my season tickets last Saturday! Yippee! Well actually I got 5 of them to be exactly! I am £1450 poorer but all the money spent at the club stays at the club so I like to think I've just paid for a toenail of a new player!

And anyway when us Jambos win the league this year it means I'm guaranteed to be there to see it!*

*Well you gotta have a dream eh?

Jenny xx

Oh Before I Go...

A few wee jokes...

Camilla is speaking to the Queen. "You know Ma'am, everytime I suck Charles knob I get acid indigestion" The Queen looks at her for the briefest of moments and replies "Have you tried Andrews?"

Lothian & Borders Police have discovered the body of a man in the Forth. He was wearing a Hibs top, stockings, suspenders and had a dildo up his arse. The Police have removed the top to save his family any embarrassment.

A man was barred for life from his local swimming pool earlier this week. When we interviewed him he commented "Bastards! They have barred me from the pool. I was in my Speedos. How the fuck was I to know the S had fallen off? It's a bloody injustice!"

Jenny xx

Right Well I'm Away...

I love it when a plan comes together!

Yep at long last, after hours of phone calls and internet trawling I have finally sorted out our holiday! On Monday we are flying to the sun. You may be surprised to hear we are heading once more to the Sunshine State of Florida for our holibobs...ok maybe not surprised as such and more not surprised at all!

Anyway as a wee treat (and thanks to having a wee windfall earlier this year...nuff said!) we are going for 3 weeks instead of the usual 2 which means more time to lounge about doing bugger all! We are also flying scheduled instead of charter which we've not done for a good few years now.

So here's home for the next 3 weeks...

I'm not likely to get back on here before I head off what with packing and shit still to be done so I will bid you farewell! Be good until I return.

Jenny xx

Inspiration Required...

"Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam" or
"I have a catapult. Give me all the money or I will fling an enormous rock at your head"

Ok so here's the deal. I have decided to get a wee latin phrase tattooed about my person. Now there's a fair chance that it will not be the one above...but it did make me chuckle when I read it and can you imagine how amusing it would be when someone asks what it means, fully expecting me to say something profound and me saying that instead?

At this early stage in proceedings I have no idea what I fancy getting...all I know is that it is going on my lower back alongside a design I already have there. I've been having a wee look about for something..."Deus Meus! Securis in capite meo est" or "My God! I have an axe in my head"...mmmm tempted but perhaps that's not the one!

I'm thinking smething which reflects me and who I am..."Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis" sounds alright in Latin and "You do not know the power of the dark side" would be worth a giggle!

Ok so something which reflects me and who I am, something which reflects my life and my values maybe? Yeah that sounds deep and meaningful but then "quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur" or "anything said in latin sounds profound"!

Seriously though, people I am seeking your advice on this one. If you can think of one then stick it here on the comments for us all to see. There's no pressure...but I feel it's only fair I tell you that the winning phrase so far is...

"Ego mos adepto vos meus pulchellus , vos quod vestri parum canis quoque"

You figure it out!! Course I may need to get a witch tattoo to go beside that phrase!

Jenny xx

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

This Blog Is...

Being a bit neglected just now.

I am seriously struggling to find the time to write on here for a whole variety of reasons. Let me tell you what they are..

1) I have been working. 12 hour shifts tend to leave little time for sitting on here and chewing the fat. Especially when you are going from day shift to night shift in 24 hours!

2) I have been trying to organise quotes for my building work. We've been working out what we want done and then trying to source quotes and companies to do it! It looks as though we are about to refit the upstairs bathroom, the kitchen and put on a sun lounge to the back, as well as a bit of basic stuff like decoration and taking out the wooden floors...I'm now toying with knocking out my stair wall to one side to make the back of the house open plan! So over the next few days I've got a pile of workmen heading out to see me!

3) I have been trying to arrange our holiday. This has been a shedload of work given it's not a basic package holiday so I've had to book the flights, accommodation and car hire seperately. It's been no easy task getting flights at this time of year either given it's trades fortnight (traditional local holiday time here in Edinburgh) when we are travelling. However, by the wonder of being me I have managed to secure flights, booked the villa and sorted the car so we're all set. In less than 2 weeks we will be heading out to sunny Florida for 3 weeks of sunshine and relaxation! We're going via Atlanta so I'll get to see the inside of yet another American airport! For the first time in over 5 years there will be just me, him and the kids going. I'm quite looking forward to it being just us for a change...3 weeks though? Well we'll either enjoy it or kill each other!

4) I've been spending a hideous amount of time playing Mafia on Kickback...again!

5) I've been meeting up with friends old and new for a beveridge or two. In fact for the last 3 weekends I've been out on the lash! Last game of the season was at Killie so I headed through for the day with my mate Beverley (Better Half was working!). We were in the pub from 9am so it was budweiser for breakfast and I called it a day (or should that be night?) at 10pm. The following weekend was Gill's birthday (details of which have already been made public!) and when Saturday rolled round again I was out with some like-minded individuals (ie fellow Jambos from Kickback) for drinks. We kicked the night off in The Westfield where there was much singing, drinking and general gibbering done with faces new and old before heading 'up toon' to a bar in the Cowgate to keep the alcohol levels topped up! Suffice to say the end of the night involved a journey in a rickshaw, sitting on an ancient landmark waiting for a taxi and getting home in the wee small hours! Still it's all good!

6) I've been trying to sort out tickets for the Hearts v Barcelona game at Murrayfield in July and make a decision about season tickets for next year as well!

7) I've been spending a bit of time on my Bebo page talking nonsense with various folks! Feel free to go and have a wee look if you like by clicking here . Or bunging in the user name Jennyjambo to the search facility.

In addition to all the above in the last couple of weeks, the end of term is again fast approaching and with it sport's day, end of term trips and general nonsense. In fact sport's day should have been on now...but this being Scotland, it's raining so it's cancelled!! It will be 'reviewed' at lunchtime!

So that's that then. I'll away and get on with something useful now.

Cheery Bye.

Jenny xx

Tuesday, June 05, 2007


Ok so now Ross has posted about Friday (which you can read about here) I feel it's only fair that I share my recollections with you all as well!

As you may have gathered Friday was the night of my Wee Sis's 30th birthday which to be a bit different was fancy dress. I appeared in my 80's gear looking like a total muppet along with my surfer dude Better Half, my T-Bird son and my pink lady daughter and spotted Ross and Yvonne already sitting with drinks in hand and smiles on faces. Minutes later Ross was at the bar and we hit the road to oblivion...

Now being someone who doesn't suffer when she drinks and always has total recall I have no blank spots...but having total recall and no hangover doesn't mean I wasn't ever so slightly smashed! So in a similar vein to Ross, here's my memories...
  • Drinking (despite my initial protests) shots of Aftershock within 30 minutes of arriving.
  • Telling my friend in front of her new boyfriend whom I'd only just met for the first time "Oh he's nowhere near as short as I thought he'd be. I was expecting a dwarf!"
  • Spending the best part of 20 minutes trying to bluetooth a video to Scott from my phone. Two drunks trying to work technology is never a good idea!
  • Having 4 drinks in front of me and arsing them quick style after being accused of lagging behind.
  • Disscussing the finer points of Ross' sex life and his principles of not sleeping with married/taken women.
  • Ross then telling me he'd do me if I wasn't with Better Half. (Oh yes you did!!)
  • Refusing point blank to walk to the bank with Ross half way through the night giving my reason as "I'm walking nowhere dressed like this and certainly not in 4 inch heels!".
  • Telling my friends new boyfriend that he better be nice to her in that "big sister" way you do.
  • Telling my friend she should be nicer to him cause he seemed a nice lad in a similar way.
  • Removing my skirt in the ladies because it was annoying me, folding it nicely and sticking it in my handbag!
  • Having an indepth conversation about draft lemonade and how it always tastes odd with a female in the cubicle next door to me as we both had a wee.
  • Telling Ross that he was trying too hard when it came to women. Explaining that the human hamburger would always pull over him because initially a relationship is based on lust and not poems and romance.
  • Being told loudly (as the music had stopped) by Ross that women were deep as puddles and we were all doomed!
  • Putting pink eyeshadow and mascara on some bloke during a game.
  • Slow dancing with Better Half and telling him if he was single I'd pull him.
  • Telling my sister and her pal they both loved a bit of grief and that if they smiled more they'd have less wrinkles.
  • Sitting on the toilet singing loudly and hearing a voice say "Jenny I want to ask you something. You'll know the answer" and replying "wait till I finish the chorus and I'm all yours".
  • Some horrid old man (who wasn't at the party) telling me he'd like to see my heels wrapped round his neck before wiggling his tongue at me and replying that if he wasn't careful he'd see my hands wrapped round his neck instead.
  • Drawing a sharp intake of breath as Ross reeled backwards towards the bowling green fearing the worst but seeing him saved by the ropes!
  • Telling Ross that due to his size and build it seemed likely he would have a small fat knob. (it's a wee personal joke)
  • Taking my step daughters boyfriend's mobile from him mid call and chatting to his friend Michael.
  • Dancing to Loch Lomond (that end of night thing) and Scott telling me that they were gonna play The Proclaimers next and how I wasn't getting to sit down and would have to dance to it and feeling the blood supply to my hand stop as he gripped it super tight so I couldn't escape!
  • Dancing to The Proclaimers and declaring to Scott "Us Jambos will dance to your Hibby songs because we are a better class of person".
  • Being a tad amused to see Better Half (who usually does not dance unless threatened) dancing away, on his own, in his flip flops to The Proclaimers and singing loudly but using swear words and sticking in the word Jambo's at every opportunity.
  • Meeting Karen and telling her that when our kids were at Nursery together a few of the parents thought she had cancer and was bald because she always wore a hat.
  • Losing a shoe and telling Better Half to find it as I loved those shoes and I would be devastated if I had to go home without one. All while pouting like a child.
  • Walking out the club and stopping for a chat with everyone outside for 15 minutes and at one point sitting down because it seemed like a good idea. Then asking a hideously drunk Ross to pull me back up. It could have gone very wrong but luckily it didn't!
  • Getting a taxi home (£27 robbing bastards) and getting into bed at about 3am and listening to Better Half puke for a while before falling asleep and leaving him to it!
  • Waking up at 8am, looking in the mirror and for a split second wondering if I had been in a fight before realising the blue tone round my eyes was last nights eyeshadow!

All in all it was a no bad night really.

Jenny xx

Sunday, June 03, 2007


A request has been made from up on high that anyone booked on a flight from Glasgow to Florida in the last week of June (i.e from 23rd onwards) cancel their flight immediately if not sooner.

This is for real. It's no joke. Apparently unless all you people booked on flights from Glasgow to Orlando cancel them right this minute there will be a war.

It's all down to the fact that some woman in Scotland can't get a flight out in the last week in June and if she doesn't get one soon she is going to start a bloody riot cause she needs a holiday! Rumour has it that this female will soon begin to stamp her feet, scream and generally cause a nuisance if she doesn't get her butt on a plane in the last week of June or first week in July for at leats a period of 14 nights. So if you all cancel yours then she can have her seats and world peace will not be threatened.

You have been warned.

Jenny xx

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Well Looky Here, She's Back!

I've not been on here for while. See I've got this new, fantastic website up and running elsewhere on the net now...I can slag folk off to my hearts content! Only kidding I've not really but I bet one or two of you were starting panic!

I've not been here cause I've just been hideously busy. Hideously? What a funny word to have used. Anyway, oh you know what? I'm gonna do this later because right now I am being distracted big style...

I'm lying on the sofa on the laptop. Better Half is lying on the sofa opposite me. Out the corner of my eye I can see his head moving. It's doing that nodding thing that heads do when you're falling asleep...and he's quietly snoring as well...but he's still clutching onto his can of Red Bull. Bless he's hungover!

I'll come back when he's woken up and I'm not constantly looking over to see if he's spilt the Red Bull over his stomach!

Jenny xx