Wednesday, November 29, 2006


I have written on here before about trips to the Passport Office and the inevitable farce that goes along with it.

Today I made yet another trip to Weegieland to said Passport Office. I think due to the number of times I seem to go there I should really have a specially customised seat with my name on it. This time I was accompanying my Sis who needed to renew her passport. As we are off to the States in 13 days (yippee!) she needed to renew it now as there was less than 6 months until it expired and the States being the States won't let you in without 6 months clear left on your passport.

I was braced for the usual idiot behind the counter, the usual silly statements and sillier questions, the argument, the nonsense and general pissing performance that we always encounter whenever we go there. However....

We handed the form in, did the photo's and paid and 3 hours later, with no problems at all, got her passport! It's a miracle! Hurrah!!

Jenny xx

(p.s Dear Sister, the photo is a topper. 10 years!! It'll be on there for 10 years!! What a day to have a big spot!! Still you've gained a nose so it's all good!)

You've Got To Laugh....


I got a letter in the post today. I read it. It made me laugh. I am not at liberty to share with you what it was about or what it's contents were but... I got a letter in the post today. I read it. It made me laugh.

That is all.

Jenny xx

Dear Computer...

Dear Computer,

You and I have shared some good times. We've spent many an hour in each other's company, sometimes too many hours some would say, often still here together late into the night or even into the wee small hours when everyone else is in bed. You've helped me through some troubled times...remember when we were handed the puzzle of trying to find out the names of 5 british football players who had played in the Champions League for 2 different clubs? God how that bugged me. I HAD to find the answer and you my trusty friend helped me. We got the result we wanted and we showed them all! Or that time I couldn't remember the name of that song I wanted to download and you found it for me.

We've done good deeds together, we've passed messages round the globe, we've made new friends and we've made some enemies...but we won't talk about that! Fair enough, having you has at times meant my bank balance has make it so easy for me to buy things while just sitting here with you but I know it's because you don't want me to leave you to head to the stores in person. Even though you sometimes threw a strop and pissed me off by refusing to do what I asked you, I knew you'd always come round eventually.

Sadly our time together is becoming less and less lately.

I'm being edged out of my position here in front of you and it's just not right. You'll notice that Doodle is on here more now. He likes you because you let him play Scooby Doo games with you. Better Half is here more and more now he has that fantasy Basketball thing to do and his footie predictor and we won't mention the hours he spends making you download for him from iTunes. Of course Belle has now claimed her spot here as well. Now she's on here chatting to her mates for hours on end. Bloody MSN. I mean it must drive you mad when the basic conversation goes "Hi babes" "How's u?" "seriously???" "no way" "omg!!!!" "yes i did" "no not no way but yes way" "waaaayyyyyy" "kool" "luv ya hunni" "right babes" "cya spk 2 u at skl 2moro" ...I can only apologise for ever setting the damn thing up for her.

So you see computer between the 3 of them they're whittling away the time I get to spend on here with you. Fear not though my friend for Better Half's laptop has been repaired and soon he will divert his attention away from you and back to her. He's a fickle man. Doodle is easily removed with the promise of a new PS2 game which will keep him occupied for weeks and we will limit Belle to only being allowed to use you for 2 hours per day and look into getting her a pc of her own. For now though we will continue to have our snatched moments together like now when the small ones are in bed and the big one is at work.

Forever yours, (at least until I have saved enough for my new laptop cause to be honest I'm getting bored with how much space you take up)

Jenny xx

Thursday, November 23, 2006

A Lesson Learned...

This week Doodle (aka 6 year old) was ill. He started to fall by the way side on Saturday night and by the time I got back to my Sister's on Sunday night after making the most of my day of hospitality he was running a high temperature and looking very sorry for himself. His voice had gone all croaky and he had a cough which made him sound like an old man.

There was no way he was making it to school on Monday. I was gutted. Not because it meant I'd have him at home all day but because in the 18 months he's been at school he's never had a day off before so this would be his first. By Monday night Belle was also running a temperature and so on Tuesday I kept them both home. Belle has had about 4 days off sick since she started school over 5 years ago so it pains me to keep her off as well!

I'm lucky to have been blessed with 2 kids who are very rarely ill. Most viruses and sickness bugs that go round seem to think the better of messing with my kids and if they do succumb to somethign they tend to do so during the holidays! I honestly couldn't tell you the last time either of them were sick before this week. Personally I put it down to the fact that I let my kids go out to play...they wade in burns, climb up hills, play in trees, catch frogs, newts and toads and don;t head straight home at the first sign of drizzle. They are exposed to germs and I think it's been beneficial for them health wise...all this keeping them clean, changing their clothes at the first sign of dirt, keeping them off school at every ache, pain or cough and filling them with paracetamol at the first sign of a sneeze is's the kids like that who are the ones forever coming down with something.

After spending most of Tuesday morning in their beds Belle, who was feeling a bit brighter by lunchtime, was up and pottering about in her bedroom. Better Half was on a day off and him and I were downstairs on the sofa catching up on the episodes of Lost we'd Sky+ed on Sunday night. All of a sudden there's a high pitched scream of "Mummy, Muuuuuuummmmyyyyyy". As a parent you know instantly from the type of cry it is that something bad has happened. We jump up and head for the stairs...the scream having come from up them. Better Half shouts "What's happened?" as we're on the move and the shout comes back "There's a fire, the house is on fire". Originally I'd thought the scream had come from Doodle due to his sore now becomes clear it's Belle. "A fire? Where?" Shouts Better Half as he's heading up the stairs two at a time. "The bathroom" shouts Belle. Better Half and I exchange glances...the bathroom is on fire???.

We get to the top of the stairs, and we look towards the bathroom and there on the floor is a toilet roll...on fire! Better Half extinguishes it and we both turn towards Belle who is in a state of panic, shaking like a leaf, crying, shaking her head, wringing her hands...there is a lighter lying on the floor in the bathroom not far from the scene of the crime. I calm her down a bit and ask her if she knows how the toilet roll got on comes the reply...I ask she I try another route...I ask her if she's had a fright...yes she says...I asked her at what point she thought holding a lighter to a toilet roll was a good idea...I don't know she said and with those 3 words we clarified two things...our daughter was guilty as sin (which was never in doubt!) and she has a head full of silly ideas (another thing that never been in doubt!).

The necessary lecture regarding fire and it's dangers took place...with a note that she may want to run any more silly ideas past us in future and a word of thanks that she at least had the brains to drop the offending burning item on the tiled bathroom floor as opposed to my newly carpeted landing. The lecture was short and sweet without high dramatics, shouting or punishments being dished look at her shaking, panicking, tear stained face was enough to realise the lesson was learned and would not be repeated. The fright had been punishment enough!

I did feel it necessary to have a word with Doodle though...he had stayed in bed through all the shouting and noise playing his Playstation even though we were right outside his bedroom door...I felt it was important to point out to him that when someone shouts the house is on fire he might want to at least pause the game and take note!

So Belle has learned a lesson and I pointed that out to both of them. Doodle was savvy enough to advise me that this is the second lesson he's learned from his sister. The first, he informed me, was when Belle had put her pennies in her mouth and they had gone down her throat and she had choked. That was indeed correct, how he still remembers it given he was 3 years old is anyone's guess...but the fright we all got that day has been enough to ensure none of the two of them ever stick money in their mouths!

So with all her teaching and the lessons she's dishing out I think maybe my daughter is heading for a career in education! And for the record they were both back at school on Wednesday morning!

Jenny xx

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Sunday was a good day for me. I'll tell you why. To do that we need to go back to Friday first.

So I'm sitting here on Friday night about 7pm and a message flashed up on my screen. It was a private message from Jambo's Kickback, the fans forum for all good Jambo's, I won't bother sticking in the link because due to all that's going on with Heart Of Midlothian Football Club at present guest viewing is disabled so unless your a member already you won't be able to view it.

Anyway the message is from Scott (aka GodsaJambo) to tell me I've won a competition they were prize?...a pair of corporate hospitality tickets to Sundays game against Rangers compliments of The Diggers bar. Now sadly Geoff is working on Sunday so he can't go with me (hahahaha) so Mum steps in to take advantage of the offer.

Sunday morning arrives and Mum and I arrive at The Diggers at 11am as instructed in our Sunday best appropriately as you need to comply with the dress code...I have never, ever been to the Football before in dress trousers and my good going out's normally jeans and trainers so this was something new! We're met by the lovely Karl, the bar's owner who is beyond hospitable! The pubs don't open on Sundays until 12.30pm but by the time the doors open for business we've been in for an hour and a half and are on vodka and lemonade number 4! Karl has reserved a table for 10 guests and we meet the remaining 7 who we will be spending the day with...all men and all of them polite, gentlemanly and friendly.

We wander down from the pub at about 12.45pm and head to Tynecastle. We head straight to the Gorgie Suite (a function room within the stadium that I've been in before after the Cup Final parade in May) and are shown by our hostess to our table. First things first and we have a wee toast with the free champagne (real not cava which was nice...I only know because I'm not keen on champagne but can drink cava by the bottle!). We got stuck into the bottled beer supplied in the ice buckets on the tables and filled our wine glasses before handing in a substantial bar order for some spirits to wash it down with. Then it was on to serious business as we all studied the football coupons to check the match betting and stuck on our respective flutters! By the time our soup was served at 1.15pm we were all the best part of 9 drinks in and were all chatting away like we'd known each other for years!

The MC pulled a few well kent faces from the past on stage for a their opinions on what's happening at Hearts (mad owner, Captain dropped, not won since September, fans in uproar, protests, another new caretaker coach, our "real" manager still off on sick leave, mad tactics, crazy team selections, etc, etc) Gary Mackay was his usual diplomatic self but Dave McPherson who has played for both clubs was a bit more blunt in his responses! The team for the day was read out and the raised eyebrows and sighs went round as it now customary at Hearts these days! Gary came over for a chat and we got a few photos for prosperity and him and Dave signed everyone's programmes as did another couple of old Hearts legends Freddie Glidden and Jimmy Murray who incidently was the first man to score for Scotland in a World Cup Finals. Jimmy was lovely and stopped to chat for quite a while telling us a few funny tales from days gone by! At 1.50pm we headed out and up to our seats in the stand.

45 minutes of nothing much later and we were back inside eating pies and sausage rolls and drinking coffee to heat us all back up again. We spent a few mnutes discussing our man of the match choice. As Karl was the days match sponsor out table got to choose a man of the match, it was looking like Brellier or Bruno would be getting the honour but we had until 10 minutes before the final whistle to decide. The bar order was duly deposited for our return and we went back out for the second half. The final result was not what we'd hoped for...Rangers edged it 1-0 in a game that was really 2 off form teams struggling against each other but to be fair none of us were too upset about it...must have been the drink! We had a democratic vote on our man of the match midway through the second half and Paul Hartley edged out...just I think for his passion and running more than anything else and possibly to show a bit of backing to him after recent times.

Back in the warmth of the Gorgie Suite, Karl was most insistent we make full use of the bar and at one point I'm sitting there with 4 vodka's and a glass of wine in front of me. We tucked into our main courses and Karl asked if I would go on stage to accept the match sponsors gift from the club and present the man of the match champagne on behalf of The Diggers when the time came! So about 10 minutes later I'm making my way onto the stage to be presented with a signed rangers shirt and a signed hearts shirt all encased in a huge frame which I received from none other than Scotland's number 1...Craig Gordon, who smells lovely and has ridiculously soft hands! Photos were taken and it was all good.

We drank our way through our orders, finished our desserts and placed our final drinks order of the day...doubles all round. We had received the usual free gift...this time it was a 2007 hearts diary as well as the minature of whisky (which some of the men had drunk before the game and a few others took up to the stand for a wee dram during it...but Karl told the waitress after the game that we'd left them on the table and they'd been nicked and she duly brought 10 more), the programme and team sheets but Karl was after scarves and after a bit of persuasion we were presented with new Hearts scarves worth a silly £13.50 each! At 6pm after outstaying our welcome by almost an hour and being among the last to leave...we headed back up to The Diggers for a wee refreshment to finish of the day! Mum wandering up arm in arm with her new best friend George discussing the world at large!

Karl was a great host and the rest of the guys...well we couldn't have wished for better company for the day...I hope I will come across each and every one of them again in the future. I reckon I must have scooped the best part of 16 drinks on Sunday in 6 and a half hours if you minus the 90 minutes match time! Not bad going really!

If you're ever in Edinburgh and in need of a pint...I demand you go to The's the home of heavy don't you know!

Jenny xx

Monday, November 20, 2006

Last Thursday...

As my nephew's birthday was fast approaching I had to get him a present. Dean had asked me to take him out with me to buy something and given I rarely have him all to myself I was up for spending a few hours with him.

Unfortunatley his idea of taking him out to buy his birthday present meant a trip to the Hibs Superstore. I tried to tell him it would make me feel sick but he was adamant. So being a good Auntie I agreed. So it was across town to the dark side...Hoboland... on a wet winter's night to the bright puke green neon lights of the Hibs shop nestled under the pit that is Fester Road stadium.

We arrived and got parked and I reluctantly got out the car with him. Reluctant on 2 because it pained me to be spending money or setting foot in the place and two because I was worried about leaving my beloved ST parked there!

An hour....yes an hour...later he'd finally made his mind up that he wanted a new Hibs home top with his name on the back and a green foam pointy finger thing with Hibernian FC written on it...this was (slightly) preferable to his earlier desire for golf balls, chocolate, pens, calendars, teddy bears, car stickers, air fresheners and pencil toppers!

So we got it and escaped as quick as we could...well as quick as you can when your Nephew takes an hour to decide on some thing and keeps wandering off because some other puke green coloured thing has taken his fancy!

I've burned the clothes I was wearing, scrubbed myself clean and have vowed never to return...last time I was in there was just after he was born...Hibs won 4-0 just after my first visit and after my visit on Thursday they won 6-1 on Saturday now I reckon there's a link in there somewhere so I ain't going back...ever Nephew or not.

Jenny xx

Happy Birthday To You...

Yes another one...what can I say November is a busy month birthday-wise!

Happy birthday to my funny wee Nephew who is 8 today.

This will mean nothing unless you are him....

Maybe one day soon during rushing hour Pika Jenny take you up to Athur's Street going past the open 7 days shop as we go and I'll help you up the Saltsbury Cracks to save you wheelchairing yourself up for your second attempt.

I can't wait till your old enough to be fully red-faced by that little statement Deanie!

Happy Birthday little man!

(Auntie...or should that be Pika) Jenny xx


I'm back again and I'm going to post.

In a minute once I've answered that damn phone that's ringing...

Jenny xx

Monday, November 13, 2006

Happy Birthday To You...

It's official. As of yesterday, 9 year old is now 10 year old!

That's her into double figures. A decade passed since I first clapped eyes on her. To be fair when I did first clap eyes on her she was screaming big style and looked very unchuffed to be here!

I had her for only moments after she first arrived at 6.42pm, not due to me not wanting to hold her but due to the fact that I was bleeding somewhat profusely and all hell was breaking loose around me! Doctors and nurses running about the place shouting, a machine beeping like mad in the corner, a blood pressure cuff going slack and tight at scarily regular intervals, blood running of the bed onto the floor...I remember little about it but I do remember hearing Belle (for Belle read Chloe) screaming in the distance!!

It was nearly 10 hours later that I finally got to see her properly. After calming things down medically and inserting enough stitches to create a masterpiece of needlework, my family were allowed in for half an hour to get their wee shot of the new arrival. After that everyone was sent packing to let me sleep and Belle was whisked away to the nursery so I could recuperate from 2 days in labour!

4am it was when I awoke. Instantly, as I had done for nearly 9 months I moved my hand to my stomach and the haziness disappeared. I'd had my baby! I looked round and saw she wasn't beside me, a slight panic set in...probably my first moment of Mothering instinct and the memory that she'd been taken to the nursery came back. I walked along to the nursery and there were 2 plastic cots lying there. As I approached I saw the first baby...she was a huge, gorgeous pudding with masses of black hair, lots of wrinkles and a bruising to her face. A wee voice inside was saying "how will you know which one's yours?", then I saw the other baby...she was small, with skin like a peach, a tiny amount of strawberry blond hair, lying with both hands under her cheek looking every inch a little madam and angelic at the same I looked over her she opened her eyes and seemed to stare right at me (impossible I know!) and her eyes were almost black instead of the usual baby blue...I knew straight away that she was mine. I took her back to the side of my bed and spent the next 3 hours till breakfast just staring at her...she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

She's not changed much over the last decade. She's still got the air of a little madam about her at times. The hair colour didn't last long, the eyes remained a dark brown which bizarrely flash almost green when she gets a temper on her, she is the image of her Dad which I don't actually mind even though we've long since parted as he's actually given her some nice features like the eyes, her legs and her mediterranean colouring. Something that can't be said for her step-sister and his first daughter who is pale, blonde and blue eyed! They are like chalk and cheese!

So we head into decade 2 of parenting her. Time is flying past now it seems. It's hard to believe that in just 6 years time she will officially be able to get married! It's 6 years ago since I was getting all narked about her leaving nursery!! I thought she was getting to big then! Still you know they're getting older when the girls at her party shout "sperm" instead of cheese when they get their picture taken!! Seriously , I kid you not...they've been getting Sex Ed and it's all still gigglesome and shiny and new to them!

Anyway...Happy Birthday Belle...I love you too much!!

Jenny xx (Mum)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I'm Well Chuffed...

Yes I am. For after much to-ing and fro-ing (are they real words?) I am heading to Minneapolis after all!

Yep it's that time of year again..time for the annual jaunt with Mum and Sis to the chilly climate of Minnesota for some retail therapy!

It was all booked back in February but with one thing and thing being a serious lack of spending money and another being my sore butt...I wasn't sure if I'd need more surgery on it or not prior to December, we decided to cancel it and go next year.

However, Mum phoned on Sunday in a fit of depression getting all narked cause the time was drawing nearer when we should be heading off and we weren't going to be. She got me all pissed off about not going and the mere mention of the word Minneapolis got my Sister all excited.

So after a few days deliberation and soul searching about whether it was acceptable to squander the savings on a trans-atlantic jolly so close to Christmas we all came to the same conclusion...fuck it let's go!

So 12th December I'm off on my travels again. I've been low on American trips this year (cough, cough) this will only be my third for 2006! This time of year just ain't the same without a wee trip to Iceland or the Mall Of America though!

Jenny xx

I Am Well Annoyed...

I'm pissed off. Hearts played Hibs tonight in the League Cup Quarter Finals on the slopes of Fester Road. They got beat. 1-0 to the Hobo's it finished. Cover your ears now or look away if you're of a nervous disposition....

That was the worst fucking display by a fucking Hearts team I have fucking seen in a fucking long time. They were bloody piss poor. Playing against a shit team with the fucking worst goalkeeper in the fucking entire universe and we didn't even bloody trouble him once. He might as well not have fucking stripped for the game. He could have sat at fucking home dipping chocolate fucking Hob Nobs in his tea and still we wouldn't have bloody well scored.

Each and every fucking one of those idiots who played in maroon tonight wants his fucking ass kicked. No passion, no aggression, no tackles, no passing, no fucking idea what to do with the ball the few times they got it. They made that bunch of tattie eating immigrants look bloody miles better than they actually were.

And don't even get me started on that so called stand in fucking head coach Malofeev...actually you may as well since I'm off on one anyway......his names more likely to be Mal O' Feev. He's obviously not fucking Russian and is definitely Irish cause he played right into the hands of those Irish Gypsies tonight. The fucking Choob. Who the fuck in their right mind plays a 4-5-1 against a team who play 3-4-3?? Why play one forward against a fucking 3 man defence?? Better still hands up if you think playing a right back in midfield is a good idea? Oh only you then Mr Mal O'Feev! Even more fucking stupid is playing a defender in midfield when you have a fucking brilliant midfield player itching to get on. Hands up who thinks it's a good idea to drop from the squad one of the best players at the club?? Oh aye you again Mal and your pal Vlad.

Imagine having a head coach who can't speak a fucking word of fucking english! How the fuck is he supposed to shout instructions? And how much time do they waste at Half Time waiting for a translator to repeat everything he says? Utter fucking nonsense. Sheer fucking stupidity. Oh and for the record Mr Mal O'Feev...when yer man has been booked and then recieves a word from the ref on 2 other occaisons he's nearing the red card, it means he can't risk tackles or anything else so in reality he's fucking useless to take him fucking off and replace him you total tosser instead of subbing someone else and putting on an 18 year old inexperienced laddie against your biggest and most bitter rivals in place of a no bad player.

As for the choobs who were on the park...get your defending of set pieces sorted out...3 games, 3 corners against you, resulting in 3 goals. Not good enough. Beaten soundly by a bunch of scaffs. Its fucking disgustifying I tell you. All those fucking aids ridden, smelly, soap dodging gypsies will be out getting bevvied now on cheap cider. All their Giros away in one night. Their bairns starving for another week!

Right then, rant over.

Anyway it could be worse....I could be a Rangers fan! How good are they? Polly Gwen must stay!!

Jenny xx

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Following on from my previous post about the padded cell...

I've managed to gather a few wee bits and pieces to try out just to get the insanity thing turned up a notch. I thought I'd share them with you all in case you fancy trying for your very own padded cell...

1. Sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Every time someone asks you for something, ask if they want fries with that.

3. In the note part of your chequebook where you write what the cheque was for put "for smuggling diamonds".

4. Wherever possible skip rather than walk.

5. Ask for diet water whenever you're in a restaurant with a very serious face.

6. Make sure you tell the guy/girl at the drive thru that your order is "to go".

7. Go to the opera and sing along.

8. Begin all your sentences with "I hereby declare"

9. Ask everyone to address you by your new wrestling name of Rock Nroll

10. 5 days before the event, tell your friend you can't come to their party/wedding/whatever because you won't be in the mood that day.

11. When you go to the cash machine and money comes out shout loudly "I won!, I won!"

12. When leaving the Zoo and heading back to your car, run and shout loudly "They're all free, run for you lives!!"

13. Tell your family over dinner that due to the state of the countries economy and todays business climate you'll have to let one of them go.

14. Whenever you are in a store and hear music, dance.

15. Spend a whole day speaking in a different accent.

16. In a clothes shop when you see someone lift a garment to look at it run over and say "Put that back at's hideous"

17. When in a food store and you see a fat person buying cake/biscuits/sweets go up to them and say "It's hard to give them up isn't it?" in a very symapthetic tone.

18. Get on the bus and ask for a child fare.

19. Phone your boss and them your not coming to work today because you've nothing to wear.

20. Walk up to one of those perfume sprayers in department stores and spray them with your own perfume.

21. Buy a bulk lot of condoms and tell the girl when you pay for them that business is booming

I'm away to try a few now!

Jenny xx

Well I Don't Know...

The phrase "well I don't know" is a meaningful one in my family. You see it's sort of a catchphrase for my Auntie. You'll be in the middle of a conversation with her and she'll just blurt out "well I don't know" or there will be a silence between conversation and she'll be off again with "well I don't know". When moments like these occur, people who are not used to her will get this look on their faces as if to say "what the fuck?? don't know what?...did I miss something?" I used to get that look myself but I'm used to it now.

In fact my Mum, Sister and I will often just jump in with "well I don't know" mid-conversation now when we haven't got anything else to say in response. It's like a wee homage to my Auntie!

Anyway, aside from her wee catchphrase my Auntie should I put this?...a bit highly strung. She is a lovely woman, full of life and fun and she has the loudest most hearty giggle you'll ever hear but she is absolutely 100% hyper at the best of times.

Funny thing is her Brothers and Sister (my Uncle's and my Mum) and even her Mum and Dad were/are laid back to the point of horizontal in comparision to her. In fact my Uncle's and my Mum all look very similar but my Auntie (who is the eldest) looks nothing lke them. There is no-one else in our family like her in fact...well apart from me..but just a wee bit and only because we're both a bit hyper at times and love shopping!

Last week my Auntie was in floods of tears at Mum's....there was 2 reasons for this. One was that she had a flat tyre and was just devasted to the point of wanting to top herself and the other was because she has no grandchildren!! This second one is a bit of a sore point to my Auntie. She's recently turned 60 and there's no sign of Granchildren on the horizon. My Mum has been a Granny for 11 years now, My Uncle had 3 Grandsons and My other Uncle (who has been dead since '99) had 2 step-Grandkids before he died and 3 more since. So my Auntie, who loves to do things first, is being left well and truly behind.

I think she's lonely. Her kids have long since flown the nest and don't exactly live on the doorstep anymore. Friends and family all have these gatherings for birthday's and the like where all the Grandkids come round and it's all good. There's just her and my Uncle and to be fair my Aunt loves a good get together and a laugh (her parties were legendary when we were kids!) but my Uncle has since settled into the quiet life of a 60 year old and those days of throwing big family parties are behind her now.

So this Christmas I'm going to head round there with my troops at some point over the festivities, with a bottle in hand, some dips and crisps and let my kids run riot! It'll end one of two ways...she'll enjoy herself and get a wee smile on her face from having us there and it'll make her want Grandkids even more...or....she'll realise how tiring and how much of a nuisance kids can be and will count herself lucky not to have grandkids!

What will happen? "Well I don't know" we'll wait and see.

Jenny xx

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Padded Cell...

Now I'm not nuts, well not clinically as far as I know, but I do have a gene which I think is a bit disfunctional and can lead me down the road of being a bit crazy sometimes.

I will spontaneously feel the urge to dance at any given moment or sing out loud or even just shout something out. I am very prone to talking to myself, have a habit of asking myself questions and will then answer them but use a different voice in reply. I talk on behalf of the dog and use "boxer voice" when I do so because the dog can't speak for herself. I will encourage the kids to join in my silly moments and they normally will do quite happily...this may explain why I like kids so much!

So it may be that I am touched with a hint of madness. Either that or I'm bi-polar!! Anyway I think I may need to increase this disfunctional gene of mine and start showing more signs of madness. The reason for this is that I have always fancied a wee shot in the padded cell. Sitting there day after day rocking back and forth and mumbling away to myself in a variety of voices. Sleeping when I like, singing whenever I want, being able to scream really loudly if the mood occurs. There's somethng undeniably appealing about that for me.

You need to try everything in life don't you? Give everything a shot once...except for going into a room full of spiders because that's not madness that's just plain stupid and there's a difference. So anyway I might try for the padded cell one day. It's offically going on my "to do" list.

Jenny xx

ps mission accomplished with ironing the trousers yesterday! I shouted out loud a lot, swore a lot and talked to myself for 30 minutes but I got there in the end!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Hallowe'en Cameth...

Is cameth even a word? No probably not but it has come and gone so I couldn't use cometh!

Actually that should be a whole other post...I use a shitload of words that other people probably don't, that probably aren't even real words and that are just real words said differently. Watch this space for that post!

Anyway I'm off on a tangent aren't I? I'm losing the plot a bit here because I should really be ironing my "good" trousers for this funeral later this morning but I'm putting it off for two reasons...1) I can't iron dress trousers to save my life, for this I blame my Dad, who being an ex-soldier was very precise in how trousers should be ironed and so he always did them for us! Now I've got Geoff to do them but he's at work and so panic is setting in! and 2) I will fuck it up and lose my temper cause I can't do it right which will lead to a tantrum in front of the dog...since she's the only one here!

See I'm off again...onto another topic altogether!

Aye, so Hallowe'en has been and gone for another year. My 2 headed out into the street joined this year by their cousins (a Morticia, 2 Screamers and a Bat!) and came back a few hours later with bags full of sweets.

The doorbell went solidly from 6pm through to 8pm with various children from the neighbourhood dressed up in a variety of costumes.

They're all growing up so fast now...I remember the ones in Chloe's class coming round when they were all shy and knee high to a grasshopper...they used to sing a wee song, it was ever so sweet. Last night some of the boys in her class came to the door on the hunt for chocolate and it was then that I really noticed how grown up they've all become...they didn't sing a song but chose to tell a joke and here it is for your amusement...

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a bus full of Rangers fans?
There's more pricks on a bus full of Rangers fans.

What???? Oh my god! They are 10 years old!! The joke though made me giggle (internally of course because I had to show my disapproval by keeping a very straight face at the time!) 10 years old! Their Mothers must be so proud!

The rest of night was spent flying round the place, meeting up with my mates and chatting about wart remover and how cat's piss can leave a horrible smell on your good ikea rugs. I had a few glasses of Champange to celebrate the season and flew home on my trusty broomstick a little the worse for wear laughing at the traffic cops below me!

Right there's no more putting it off by sitting here. I need to go and make an attempt at these trousers. They're staring at me from the dining table...I think they're chanting "you'll never dae us" over and over but I can't be sure!

Jenny xx