Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Start Digging Out...

those Wizard Of Oz and Disney character outfits I asked you all to wear at my funeral.

I am sure my end is near.

Ok maybe I'm being slightly dramatic but right now my body feels like it's ready to give up the ghost. My head feels like it has the entire cast of starlight express rolling about in it, my nose is running like the proverbial burn...I am seriously considering stuffing tissue up each nostril to stop the downpour, my bones are aching like those of an arthritic 90 year old, my chest feels like it has an elephant on top of it and I have a pathetic tight cough which won't yet let me bring up the gunk that I know is stored around my lungs and airways and every time I cough I feel an overwhelming urge to boak and my eyes fill with water.

Wierdly though my temperature is high, my hands and feet are bloody freezing...that of course is the joy of having a thyroid that is fucked...extremities remain freezing to the point of numb even when the rest of you is sweating!

To top it all off I have not yet managed to rid myself of the sickness bug which came on a few weeks ago and I still have a case of Johnny Cash' s ring of fire...it's really not pleasant. On the plus side though everything I eat tastes like cardboard and makes a fast exit out the other side so I have lost a few pounds...it's an extreme form of dieting though.

I am heading back to bed with a book and a cup of tea and I'm not coming out of it until tomorrow morning when come rain, hail, shine or illness I will be at the garage to pick up my new car.

Jenny xx

ps...I've just re-read this before I hit publish...all I can say is thank god I'm in a relationship...if I was single I could be in trouble...I sound really attractive eh?? Och well none of us are at our best when we're ill!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Greased Lightning...

I was out at the theatre last night darlings! It always sounds a bit posh when you say that.

We went to see the stage version of Grease at the Edinburgh Playhouse. It's Mum's birthday on Saturday so it was a wee treat for her. There was just Mum, me, my Sis and our 2 daughters.

We headed into the city centre singing along to the Grease cd in the car which was the cause of much hilarity between my sister and I as we took on the parts of Danny and Sandy and sung (I use the term loosely) at the top of our voices.

After a quick stop off at a chinese all you can eat buffet type restaurant we headed over the road for the show. There's always a stall inside selling t-shirts, cd's, pens...all the usual junk and when you take a 9 year old and a 10 year old you normally never get past it without them asking for something. Last night was a bit different though...it was us older girls who made our way over to the stall. Too much money later we left to find our seats with my Sis sporting a new bright pink t-shirt emblazoned with "You're the one that I want" across her breasts and all of us sporting pink, love heart shaped, fluffy deely boppers (you know, a head band with sticking up springy things) with flashing lights including my Mum. Did we feel stupid? No, we felt well pleased especially as 7 year old girls eyed us jealously cause their Mum wouldn't buy them any! In any event given the number of "pink ladies" and "Sandra Dee's" we passed we felt and looked relatively normal!

Anyway the show itself was good, it doesn't follow the story of the film all the way through but it came to the same conclusion with Sandy flinging off her goody-goody image and becoming a sex goddess!

And so over 2 hours later we headed back out of the theatre towards the car, still wearing our springly head gear and singing and at one point dancing along the road...well at least me, mum and my sis were much to the disgust and bewilderment of our 2 young daughters! We headed home singing along to the cd again and a good night was had by all.

Oh before I go though...

special mention must go to danicng man. During the interval last night we, along with a couple of hundred others (fucking lepers that we are), had gone outside for a ciggy. My Sis turns round and glanced up Greenside Place towards St James Centre and spots a guy coming down the road towards the theatre. He is dressed in a knee length embroidered coat, white linen trousers and had shoulder length curly hair, a beard and had a set of Ipod earphones in...and he was dancing down the street...and I mean dancing. He looked like the happiest man on the planet as he danced his way down to where we were. Everyone was in fits watching him and everyone uttered the same.."god he looks happy" phrase. Suddenly he stopped and paused for a minute and then began again but doing a different dance...obviously the song had changed on his Ipod. Absolute class!

It reaffirms what I have been telling my children since birth...dancing makes you happy so do it wherever and whenever you like!

Jenny xx

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

My Little Man...

started football training on Saturday. We enrolled him in a course at the Hearts Fc academy where he will learn the basics of the beautiful game along with a bunch of other 5 and 6 year olds.

Until now the most 5 year old has done regarding playing football is a kick about with his friends in the street. I wasn't sure he'd be that intrested as he seems to prefer his playstation 2 to anything else at the moment.

Anyway he was dying to go so off we went with him at 9am. He was all kitted up in his Scotland strip and new boots with his jaffa cakes and bottle of water (jaffa cakes being a compulsory requirement!) and he headed off to join all the other boys.

I was gob smacked as I stood watching him from the spectators area. He was listening and following instructions from the coaches - more than he ever does to me - and was getting stuck in. He scored a few times in the 5 a side practice and it was all going really well...until about 5 minutes from the end!

The coach has got them dribbling round plastic markers, they then have to shoot for goal and sprint back to their starting point. Jake's turn comes round and he dribbles the ball, lines up his shot, shoots, scores and sprints back...straight into the wall!! He was running that fast he couldn't stop in time! The coach takes a look at his head and decides to bring him up to where Dad and I are waiting for him to be on the safe side...by now he is sporting a nice big red mark on his forehead!

Still there was no real damage...his head has had worse knocks than this...and so we head off back to the car. I'm pleased to say it hasn't put him off so we'll be back next saturday all kitted up again...I think maybe though I'll pack his crash helmet in with his jaffa cakes this week as a precaution.

Jenny xx

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


I've been having a sad lack of reading material since finishing the various books Santa was kind enough to leave for me. With this in mind I grabbed a wee bundle of the shelves whilst out shopping last week.

First in the basket was Jordan's second autobiography entitled Whole new world...nice Disney song from Aladdin, bad book!

Much as I find Jordan a complete waste of a life I will confess to having a grudging admiration for her ability to make money from having no talent, her ability to raise a disabled child unaided and her ability to laugh at herself. I read her first autobiography a few years ago and it wasn't a bad read all things considered, she doesn't mince her (ghost written) words and in places it was humourous, sad, witty and shocking. However, the second book is based mainly on her relationship with Peter Andre and basically consists of nothing more than what you've read in OK magazine and graphic details of what position she has sex with Peter in and how big his Knob is...too much information!

After finishing the first book I had been left with a feeling that Jordan was, underneath the make up, quite a shrewd business woman and a damn sight more intelligent than she gets credit for...after finishing the second book I was left feeling that Jordan had allowed any sense of credibility to crumble away beneath her...she would have been as well writing 3 copies and posting them to Victoria Beckham, Dane Bowers and Dwight Yorke...it was obvious this book was simply written to show these 3 people how great her life is.

Second in the basket was a book called Behind Closed Doors by Jenny Tomlin. I am a huge fan of biographies (or auto's) and any writing based on actual events. It's the nosy bitch in me and the fact that I find people fascinating.

I picked this book up last night at around 9pm and I didn't put it down until I had finished it about 3 hours later. It is the story of the authors childhood and I use the word childhood very loosely. Childhood conveys images of carefree days, playing with your friends, getting up to mischief and having no stress and worries other than if you were wearing the right clothes! Jenny's childhood though consisted of physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her father, disgusting living conditions, a poor excuse for a mother, neglect and the inability to get help from the very agencies set up to protect children like her.

In my 3 hours spent with her I went through the range of emotions...sadness, disgust, anger, sympathy...if her father was not already dead I'd have wanted to kill him myself and her worthless excuse for a mother. The book may be aimed towards the female market as it is generally women who buy books of this kind but it is a story that everyone should read and learn from. As a parent myself it makes my skin crawl that adults can treat their greatest gift with anything other than love and affection...it shouldn't do given the society we live in but it does.

After my harrowing few hours with Jenny I am in need of reading something all together different...fluffy, unbelievable and glossy and with that I will dig out one of my Jackie Collins collection and lose myself for a few hours in the fantasy world of LA...no thinking or emotion required!

Jenny xx


Where are you?

It's all gone too quiet.

Your blog is gathering dust!

Come back Lena...we miss you!

Jenny xx

Monday, February 20, 2006

Something To Write About...

Yesterday I went to my local Ford car dealership to have a look at the new Ford Focus ST. The car is currently being advertised on tv and it caught my eye. I like cars...who'd have guessed given we're on car number 10 in 5 years...and fancied a wee look at this one.

Of course it was just a look...no intentions of doing anything else given it came with a hefty £21,000 price tag!! In any event I've only had my current car since September.

The car in question was in the showroom in all it's glory. It was the top of the range model, as it always is in these places, and it was attracting a great deal of intrest. I must admit I was smitten straight away. It seemed everyone who was having a look at it felt the same way!

You may recall me saying that I have problems with my hands which randomly pick items up which I then purchase. Luckily I am unable to lift a car and take it to a check out...unluckily I also have problems with my eyes...they want something and my brain agrees!

So within 15 minutes of looking at said car I am in discussions about what trade in I can get on my car...It's a good deal and seconds later I'm out test driving this £21k car!

When we get back I find a spot and have a look through the brochure for the car to see what you get for your £21k...

18" 5 spoke alloys

Recaro Sports seats - 10 way fully electronically adjustable

3 spoke leather steering wheel

Aluminum gear knob with red gate graphic

Aluminum sports pedal with rubber paddings

St logo sports scuffs

Ambient lcd interior spot lighting

Chrome tipped dual sports exhaust

Full leather interior with heated seats

Sony 6 disc autochanger all front loaded

Mp3 socket for the Ipod

Xenon sports head lights and low ride fog lamps

Jet black roof interior

Jet black headliner on front window

Footwell lcd lightning

Wing mirror indicators

Sports steering

ST chrome badge trim

Low sports suspension

6 speed gearbox

ESP traction control

2.5 litre, Turbo charged, Duratec 5 cylinder engine

220 BHP

300lb of torque

0-60 in 6 seconds

Then I get chatting to guy who took one for a spin yesterday...he's looking to buy one but can't find a dealer that has any left in stock so he's in Edinburgh trying to source one...he tells me that during his test drive he finds himself with a guy in a Honda Civic Type R going past him and as he does so he gives the guy that look, you know the smug my one's better than yours look. The Focus looks , externally at least, like every other Focus on the road except for the discreet ST badge on it. A typical family car. So the guy says the Honda goes past and the driver puts the foot down as if to prove his point...the guy said he put the foot down in the Focus and opens it up and leaves the Honda trailing and despite the best efforts of the Honda driver he can't catch him! They come to a roundabout further along the road and the the guy has slowed down to let the Civic catch up and he says he just caught his eye and smiled! It was then he decided he was definitely buying one...

and it was then that I thought the same!

So all going well I will be whizzing round town in my new car in about 8 days!!

So much for just having a look eh??

Jenny xx

Sunday, February 19, 2006


I've had a bit of a case of Blog Block for the last wee while.

I've been on here a few times with the intention of writing something but every time I open it up I can't think of a thing to write about.

I intent to rectify this today, but not right now because for the life of me I cannot think of anything more to write!

I'm off for a cup of tea and will hopefully return full of shit to share with the group!!

Jenny xx

Sunday, February 12, 2006

New Is Not Always Better...

As I have discovered since I got my new bed.

For some insane reason Geoff has felt the need to begin snoring like a pig all night since the bloody new bed arrived, something which he normally only done after a few beers. Of course because the bloody thing is now 6ft wide instead of 4ft wide I can barely reach him to nudge him or kick him to get him to stop! So I spent the first night of having my new bed...on the sofa downstairs while he snored the night away.

The following night I made a decision to go to bed before him so I could be asleep before he got into snoring mode...this worked a treat but I must have been lying funny in bed and woke up with a bloody sore neck in the morning.

I can honestly say I don't feel like I've had a decent nights sleep since I got that bed! However, it looks fantastic and I love the bed linen so as I would with a pair of shoes that hurt my feet, I will persevere with it until I get there!

Jenny xx

Monday, February 06, 2006

I'm Going To Bed...

Finally, over 3 weeks since I forked out £800 my bed has arrived!

I've been sleeping on my old mattress on the floor for the last 10 days becuase the bed was due to arrive 10 days ago but the salesman fucked the order up. Well he didn't exactly fuck it up becuase you can only fuck up something you've done and given he didn't actually order it (he forgot!!) he didn't so much fuck it up as just not do anything at all....

I digress though. So it arrived today and it's fantastic and I'm well pleased and I can't wait to try it out so why I'm sitting here writing this at 11.50pm when I could be in my new bed with it's egyptian cotton sheets and goose down quilt is beyond me.

I will therefore bid you goodnight!

Jenny xx