I can exclusively reveal that the world, well at least Britain, has apparently come to a complete standstill today. The reason for this is that we've has some snow...well when I say we I mean England. That's right, shock horror, England has snow.
All morning I've been hearing about airport's in choas because of closures, roads in a similar state of mayhem becuase of hazardous conditions and yet more closures, the hundreds of schools in England that have been closed and the impact of all this on life in general over the border. One woman was on tv this morning telling us how she's not had snow outside her door for 10 years!
Shame. I've nothing against the English...well except when I watch Braveheart and I hate them all...but dearie me all this fuss over a bit of snow. Granted Scotland isn't much better at dealing with snow but bizarrely when we get it...which we do more than our southern cousins...your lucky if it gets even a passing nod in the news!
We do have snow today. A small sprinkling of white, hardly enough to warrant dragging out the wellies, so it's business as usual where I am.
What really made me sit up and realise we're dealing with a national disaster though was my phone call to BT this morning. I rang them to make a payment to my Broadband account and was met with the message "Due to severe weather our contact centre has been severely affected, like many of our customers. As a result you will experience extensive delays in our answering your call with current waiting times of approximatley 75 minutes. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause and advise that you may wish to try calling back at a less busy time or use our website for your query"
Why not just put a message on saying "Due to severe weather most of our staff have rung in to say they can't make it into work. This is probably lies and they decided just to head back to their warm beds and take advantage of the fact there's snow. We apologise for any inconvenience and would ask you to call back once the snow turns to slush and they all come back to work"
That'd do for me.