Last week 11 year old comes in with a face like fizz. After much persuading I get the story out of her that her "friends" have been calling her names, pushing her, telling others not to play with her. The core of this is one girl. Her angry face quickly disolves into one trying hard to hold back the tears.
My face changes from concerned Mother to angry Lioness...as it does when one of your cubs is upset or hurting.
"I'm not going to school on Monday" she whispers. "It's too hard trying to ignore them".
Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm not having that. No first instinct is to go and find the buggers who have made my daughter cry, who have told her she is ugly, who have told her her hair is the wrong colour, who have called her names she (and they) don't really know the meaning of and grab their little necks and wring them but a) that's not allowed and b) that's not teaching my daughter how to deal with this properly.
So I ponder for a minute or two. I face this test of parenthood and consider my move.
I am always teaching my kids that the only weapon you will ever need in this world is a smart mouth and the ability to use it properly.
It's something I believe in. Know how to use your mouth and you can achieve all sorts.
So I gather 11 year old and we get in the car. 11 year old wants to know where we're going. I tell 11 year old that I will explain it all when we get back.
We pull up outside the local shop. There "Friend 1" is standing. We walk past and go into the shop. No sign of the rest of them. I purchase what I need and head back out the shop. "Friend 1" is still outside.
"Hiya Toots, have you seen Emily*?" I ask her. She answers no. "Ok babes well if you do can you tell her I was looking for her please? I'd like to speak to her about something" and we walk away.
We get back to the house and 11 year old is looking a bit panicked. "Mum why did you do that? Emily will know I've told you now". I agree and say yes she will but let's just wait and see.
A few minutes later another "friend" appears alone in the street. I open the door and go out. "Hey Hun, have you seen Emily?" I ask her. Again the answer is no. I move into second gear. "Oh ok Hun. I'll catch up with her later because I want to talk to her about something. I also want to talk to you but since you're here I won't need to look for you"
"Friend 2 " looks at me. The expression of smart ass 11 year old instantly changed to worried 11 year old.
"Ok babes, Belle has told me what happened tonight and what's been happening all week. I'm really disappointed that you have been part of that and I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to have to mention your name when I speak to the Head on Monday. I know your Mum will be annoyed and I know you'll be worried now all weekend about getting into trouble on Monday but I am annoyed and Belle is going to be worried all weekend so we're all square now"
Friend 2 is quick to point out that it was Emily. Emily started it and Emily told them to do it and Emily said she wouldn't speak to them if they spoke to Belle.
By now Friend 3 has appeared and is listening closely. "Am I getting told on?" he asks.
"Where you there? Have you been involved?" I ask him back. He answers yes. "Then I'm sorry Toots but I'll need to mention you to0". Friend 3 is quick to point out Emily started it as well!
I move up a notch. "Ok guys look, I know you're good kids, I've known you both since you were 3 years old but you know Belle is upset and she's frightened and that is not good. I know Emily can be a little sod but when did you guys decide that she was the boss? Who told her she could make the rules and the decisions for you all? If she told you all to jump of a cliff would you do it?. I don't think so. It's a shame because now you're both going to get into trouble because you let someone else make a decision for you."
Friend 2 and 3 look to the ground. I sense victory and carry on. "You know guys, in a few months time you are all going to High School. On day one and for the first few weeks you will be really pleased to see faces and friends from your Primary class until you make new friends and settle in" They are now looking up at me listening intently looking very much like the wee 3 year olds I once knew! "Remember that you all have feelings and imagine how it might be if it was you no-one was speaking to or it was you people were being told to ignore. Imagine if that's you at High School."
"That would be crap" says Friend 3.
"Yes it would" I reply. "Ok guys I'll leave you to think about it and at least now you'll be prepared to speak to the Head on Monday. Have a nice weekend guys ok?"
"Yes Jenny" they reply and walk away.
11 year old looks perplexed when I go back in. "Mum what are you doing? I don't understand. They'll go and tell Emily and she'll be really angry that she's getting into trouble"
I sit her down and begin to try and explain. "Honey, imagine you are Emily. You've been told Belle's Mum is looking for you. That the Head is going to be told what you've been up to. Two of your friends are annoyed because they might now be in trouble becuase they did what you told them too. Belle's Mum knows your Mum. Your Mum is bound to find out. How are you feeling right now? I'll tell you how...you are panicking. You are about to start backtracking and trying to save your skin."
Belle looks puzzled and then nods "Emily is going to be worried"
I say that she will and that it's good if she is worried because now she is feeling exactly what Belle is feeling....worried, frightened and nervous.
I tell Belle to watch some tv and just give it some time.
30 minutes was all it took.
I tell Belle to answer the door. There on the doorstep are 8 "friends". I can hear the "I'm sorry's" from the lounge. I can hear the reasons why things were said and done. I can hear the excuses, the explanations, the regrets and the promises it won't happen again. They give her 2 packets of sweets they have clubbed together for and bought t the shop. I can't hear Emily though....and then..."I'm sorry Belle, I didn't mean it" and on and on it goes for several minutes as Emily finally finds her voice.
Belle turns to me and says "Mum can I go out?" I nod.
I go to the door while she is putting on her trainers. "Well look at this on my doorstep!" They all laugh. "Sorry for making you annoyed Jenny" says one voice from the back. "Yep so you should be you wee brat!" They laugh again. "I want you all to know I won't have bullying and that goes for any of you bullying each other not just Belle ok? It's not big and it's not clever. Try and remember that you've all been friends a long time. If you can't be nice to each other then stay away from each other. If you've nothing nice to say then keep it zipped ok?"
They all nod. "Good. See ya'll later"
Belle heads out.
She returns an hour or two later, soaked, bogging and beaming from ear to ear. Which is how it should be.
Later I put her to bed. "Thanks Mum. I get it now. Make the bullies feel how you feel and they are not so smart"
"Yep that's it" I say "and remember if that fails then just smack them one right in the mouth!" and I walk away and close the door leaving 11 year old in fits of laughter.
Jenny xx
Obviously Emily is a made up name and I'm glad to say it seems to have settled down and things are back to normal. Peace has prevailed and the world is a happier place. I am going to apply for a UN Peacekeeping position in due course!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Happy Birthday....
It's my gorgeous Better Half's birthday today. He's older than 40 but younger than 50. You could say he's somewhere inbetween.
So Happy Birthday Honey.
I Love You Too Much.
Jenny xx
So Happy Birthday Honey.
I Love You Too Much.
Jenny xx
40 Years.
So last week the phone goes and it's my Uncle. He isn't really my Uncle, he's Dad's cousin but he's all the family we have now on that side bar my Great Auntie May and she has Alzheimers and hasn't got the faintest idea who we are, and Jim has always been Uncle Jim to us.
Now it's not unusual for my Uncle to ring me. Since Dad's death (they were very close) he keeps in touch and we try and meet up when we can which is harder than is seems as he lives in Ayr and can't drive any longer due to having the hellish illness that is Parkinsons.
Anyhow he's on the phone and telling me that he's moved house. I'm shocked. Him and Auntie Margaret had a great house and they've been in it for about 20 years. Then he tells me he's bought a wee one bedroom flat in the town centre. I'm puzzled. They had a gorgeous old victorian house before with oodles of space.
Then comes the bombshell. HE has bought a one bedroom flat in the town centre. My Auntie is living elsewhere. They have seperated and are getting divorced! I am no longer shocked. I am truly flabbergasted. My Uncle and Auntie were a great couple. They have been a couple all my life and more. In fact according to my Mum they have been married for about 40 years!
40 years? That's a huge milestone in this age of throwaway marriages. Now though it is no more.
Worse still it seems to be a bitter and acrimonious split as my Auntie has an injunction out on my Uncle and he was put in Jail for breaking the injunction and going home! In Jail? He's 62 years old, disabled and can barely walk properly!
I have no idea what the hell caused this or why and really I have no wish to know. I can guess it involved shouting, arguing, general disagreeing and an element of throwing things around the house which most likely came to a head after a period fo frustration on both sides. My Uncle is not the young, lively, popular man he was in his youth. He is no longer the Regimental Sergeant major, the brave and fit soldier my Auntie married and put up with for 26 years while he was in service. My Auntie is no longer the RSM's wife. She has had her own ill health and has had to deal with the change in this man and their lifestyle.
It's about 18 years since he left the army. The house was full of army bits and pieces. It was their life. There kids were born in Germany. They moved house every few months. My Auntie was a proper Army wife. Their house was regimentally tidy and my Uncle was a proud and popular soldier. Life was ordered and planned as it always is for a family with a member serving in the forces.
It was hard for them all when it ended. When my Uncle went back onto Civvy Street. Could it really be though that 18 years later the change, the illness, the fact they are not the couple they were in their hey day has finally taken it's toll?
I think maybe so.
And it's sad.
So it seems my sister and I have misplaced another member of our family. It's unlikely we'll see my Auntie again. It's almost like a bereavment in a way.
Still onwards and upwards. We'll head through to see the old Uncle and see how he's doing. It's what Dad would do and he's so like Dad there's a wee comfort to be found in chatting to him!
Jenny xx
Now it's not unusual for my Uncle to ring me. Since Dad's death (they were very close) he keeps in touch and we try and meet up when we can which is harder than is seems as he lives in Ayr and can't drive any longer due to having the hellish illness that is Parkinsons.
Anyhow he's on the phone and telling me that he's moved house. I'm shocked. Him and Auntie Margaret had a great house and they've been in it for about 20 years. Then he tells me he's bought a wee one bedroom flat in the town centre. I'm puzzled. They had a gorgeous old victorian house before with oodles of space.
Then comes the bombshell. HE has bought a one bedroom flat in the town centre. My Auntie is living elsewhere. They have seperated and are getting divorced! I am no longer shocked. I am truly flabbergasted. My Uncle and Auntie were a great couple. They have been a couple all my life and more. In fact according to my Mum they have been married for about 40 years!
40 years? That's a huge milestone in this age of throwaway marriages. Now though it is no more.
Worse still it seems to be a bitter and acrimonious split as my Auntie has an injunction out on my Uncle and he was put in Jail for breaking the injunction and going home! In Jail? He's 62 years old, disabled and can barely walk properly!
I have no idea what the hell caused this or why and really I have no wish to know. I can guess it involved shouting, arguing, general disagreeing and an element of throwing things around the house which most likely came to a head after a period fo frustration on both sides. My Uncle is not the young, lively, popular man he was in his youth. He is no longer the Regimental Sergeant major, the brave and fit soldier my Auntie married and put up with for 26 years while he was in service. My Auntie is no longer the RSM's wife. She has had her own ill health and has had to deal with the change in this man and their lifestyle.
It's about 18 years since he left the army. The house was full of army bits and pieces. It was their life. There kids were born in Germany. They moved house every few months. My Auntie was a proper Army wife. Their house was regimentally tidy and my Uncle was a proud and popular soldier. Life was ordered and planned as it always is for a family with a member serving in the forces.
It was hard for them all when it ended. When my Uncle went back onto Civvy Street. Could it really be though that 18 years later the change, the illness, the fact they are not the couple they were in their hey day has finally taken it's toll?
I think maybe so.
And it's sad.
So it seems my sister and I have misplaced another member of our family. It's unlikely we'll see my Auntie again. It's almost like a bereavment in a way.
Still onwards and upwards. We'll head through to see the old Uncle and see how he's doing. It's what Dad would do and he's so like Dad there's a wee comfort to be found in chatting to him!
Jenny xx
It's Obvious That...
I have been neglecting this here Blog in recent times.
The reason for this? Well I just can't find the time to sit here and type.
Time eh? It's the one thing in this life there definitely isn't enough of.
Today I have a spare 30 minutes before my day begins in full (meeting my Sis to go shopping, visiting my step-Daughter, taking the wee man swimming, organising a wee party for the back of 5!) so here I am. Take advantage of me while you have me people!
I will endevour to fill you in over the next 30 minutes on what's been going on.
Off I go to begin...
Jenny xx
The reason for this? Well I just can't find the time to sit here and type.
Time eh? It's the one thing in this life there definitely isn't enough of.
Today I have a spare 30 minutes before my day begins in full (meeting my Sis to go shopping, visiting my step-Daughter, taking the wee man swimming, organising a wee party for the back of 5!) so here I am. Take advantage of me while you have me people!
I will endevour to fill you in over the next 30 minutes on what's been going on.
Off I go to begin...
Jenny xx
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
New Years Resolution...
I made one as is tradition.
I was gonna vow to stop smoking but I still have duty free to finish!
I toyed with celebrating the return of the Spice Girls by getting back to the shape I was in when they first appeared on the scene in 1996 but then remembered that I was about 5 months pregnant then and that's not really a shape I wanna be just now!
I flirted with deciding to join a gym but then I remembered I have a fear of all things lycra so decided to give it a miss.
I thought long and hard about eating more healthily but then realised the meringue had to be eaten today so ate that and banished that thought.
Then it dawned on me. Each year we make these resolutions and each year we are smacked across the chops with the big hand of failure. Why? because we are too aspirational in our resolutions. We are unrealistic about what we can achieve. So I decided to make my resolution something attainable and I gave the matter some thought and decided it need to be something that I could prepare for and not just jump into, something that would require a bit of stamina, something that would require me to use my brain and something I could be proud of.
And finally after a long period of deliberation which lasted ooh a good 3 minutes I found something that fitted the bill...I resolved to paint my toenails! It requires a bit of preparation in getting the feet ready, some degree of stamina in doing the right foot with the left hand without fucking it up and a good degree of thought in choosing a suitable colour and when it's done I can look proudly down on my pretty toes...and, bonus time, it was something attainable and realistic!
I am pleased to confirm that for the first time in many a year I have actually made a resolution and stuck to it! My feet were soaked, my cuticles removed, my feet scrubbed and moisturised (there's the preparation!) and finally I settled on a dark red/maroon high gloss, 5 day chip resistant by Rimmel!
Job done and I feel a slight tinge of smugness which I am sure will last longer than any vain attempt to stop smoking, lose half my body weight, live on celery and watercress or squeeze my ass into some lycra cycling shorts!
Go on try it for yourself!
Jenny xx
I was gonna vow to stop smoking but I still have duty free to finish!
I toyed with celebrating the return of the Spice Girls by getting back to the shape I was in when they first appeared on the scene in 1996 but then remembered that I was about 5 months pregnant then and that's not really a shape I wanna be just now!
I flirted with deciding to join a gym but then I remembered I have a fear of all things lycra so decided to give it a miss.
I thought long and hard about eating more healthily but then realised the meringue had to be eaten today so ate that and banished that thought.
Then it dawned on me. Each year we make these resolutions and each year we are smacked across the chops with the big hand of failure. Why? because we are too aspirational in our resolutions. We are unrealistic about what we can achieve. So I decided to make my resolution something attainable and I gave the matter some thought and decided it need to be something that I could prepare for and not just jump into, something that would require a bit of stamina, something that would require me to use my brain and something I could be proud of.
And finally after a long period of deliberation which lasted ooh a good 3 minutes I found something that fitted the bill...I resolved to paint my toenails! It requires a bit of preparation in getting the feet ready, some degree of stamina in doing the right foot with the left hand without fucking it up and a good degree of thought in choosing a suitable colour and when it's done I can look proudly down on my pretty toes...and, bonus time, it was something attainable and realistic!
I am pleased to confirm that for the first time in many a year I have actually made a resolution and stuck to it! My feet were soaked, my cuticles removed, my feet scrubbed and moisturised (there's the preparation!) and finally I settled on a dark red/maroon high gloss, 5 day chip resistant by Rimmel!
Job done and I feel a slight tinge of smugness which I am sure will last longer than any vain attempt to stop smoking, lose half my body weight, live on celery and watercress or squeeze my ass into some lycra cycling shorts!
Go on try it for yourself!
Jenny xx
15 Weeks And Counting...
Till my Grandaughter arrives!
Yep 2008 is gonna bring with it (God willing!) a wee bundle of joy for me to coo over.
For those who don't know - my Big Bairn (that'd technically be my step-daughter, my first Hubby's eldest daughter and 11 year old's half sister) is pregnant. So Belle gets to be an Auntie and I'm gonna be a Granny (not a step-granny according to Big Bairn but just Granny!) at the ripe old age of 33!
We know that the baby is a girl as Big Bairn and her gorgeous Boyf have had a sex scan to find out and so far she's likely to be called either Sky or Emily but for now is known by me as Lil' Missy (which is highly likely to stick once she's here!).
So roll on April...I can't wait!
Jenny xx
Yep 2008 is gonna bring with it (God willing!) a wee bundle of joy for me to coo over.
For those who don't know - my Big Bairn (that'd technically be my step-daughter, my first Hubby's eldest daughter and 11 year old's half sister) is pregnant. So Belle gets to be an Auntie and I'm gonna be a Granny (not a step-granny according to Big Bairn but just Granny!) at the ripe old age of 33!
We know that the baby is a girl as Big Bairn and her gorgeous Boyf have had a sex scan to find out and so far she's likely to be called either Sky or Emily but for now is known by me as Lil' Missy (which is highly likely to stick once she's here!).
So roll on April...I can't wait!
Jenny xx
Happy New Year...
All the best people.
I spent Hogmanay in the house this year with my two babies and a glass of coke for company! Better Half was in bed by 10pm as he was up at 4.30am for work.
I watched a bit of TV, had a look round Kickback, kissed my kids at the bells and tucked them up in bed 10 minutes into 2008.
I then settled down and watched the Top 40 80's Films which I'd sky +ed earlier in the night with a hot chocolate and a tin of Quality Street and headed up to bed fairly satisfied with the number one choice of Back To The Future but thinking there were a few that should have been mentioned that weren't (no Ferris Bueller's Day Off) at about 3am without a drop of alcohol passing my lips!
It's all rock and roll with me baby!
Have a guid one wherever and whoever you are!
Jenny xx
I spent Hogmanay in the house this year with my two babies and a glass of coke for company! Better Half was in bed by 10pm as he was up at 4.30am for work.
I watched a bit of TV, had a look round Kickback, kissed my kids at the bells and tucked them up in bed 10 minutes into 2008.
I then settled down and watched the Top 40 80's Films which I'd sky +ed earlier in the night with a hot chocolate and a tin of Quality Street and headed up to bed fairly satisfied with the number one choice of Back To The Future but thinking there were a few that should have been mentioned that weren't (no Ferris Bueller's Day Off) at about 3am without a drop of alcohol passing my lips!
It's all rock and roll with me baby!
Have a guid one wherever and whoever you are!
Jenny xx
On Saturday...
I had a wee gathering at my house.
Now even before the door went for the first time I had arsed the best part of 3/4 of a bottle of wine on an empty stomach which is never a good idea. So I was feeling a bit cheery by the time people started arriving!
As the night went on I dumped Gallo for a dangerous Russian called Smirnoff and happily admit to being completely intoxicated by him for the rest of the evening.
Anyway I trudged upstairs at about 4.15am barely able to keep my eyes open and trudged back down again 20 minutes later to say goodbye to Ross, My Sis, Lynnie and Rob* all of whom (as usual) were last to leave...in a very random thing to do kind of way I had taken off my jeans and knickers and had the foresight to put on my PJ bottoms (always a bonus when you come back down to say cheerio to people!) yet I kept my top, bra and jewellery on...more randomly still when I went back up I moisturised my feet and put lip balm on (as I do most nights) but didn't take my make up off! What the fuck?
Anyhow I sleep deeply at the best of times but when I'm drunk my sleep is more a short course in death so my next memory was hearing the doorbell at about 10.30am. The faint Ding Dong was registered somewhere in my head and promptly ignored. Then though the polite Ding Dong was relaced with a not so polite BANG! BANG! BANG! I opened one eye, lifted my head about an inch from the pillow, tilted it to one side like the dog does when she's listening intently, paused for a nano-second to take in the noise and just as I had decided whoever it was could sod off I heard a voice shout "You better open this bloody door!" Now that raised my interest level a bit higher. So I poked the lump lying next to me (who had yet to register any signs of life never mind interest) and murmured "Who the hell is that?" I was prepared for an answer like "Yer ma probably" or "Dammit that'll be my bird" but I wasn't really prepared for "It sounds like Kate*" again I felt my interest level rise a notch, Kate is one of my neighbours and a quiet wee soul. Her Husbad had been at the party but she hadn't as she was apparently ill. The banging had stopped and I heard footsteps stomping away from the front door.
I dragged myself into an upright position and looked at the clock. Just then the phone rang and for some stupid reason I decided to go and answer it downstairs rather than grab the one next to me. By the time I made it down it had stopped. A quick call check later and a listen to the answering machine and it became obvious that it was indeed Kate at the door. She was looking for her Husband who despite living 2 doors away had yet to go home.
I did a quick scout round...I heard someone in the kitchen and opened the door thinking it might be him...only to be met by my 11 year old in her PJ's saying "Well that's the first load in the dishwasher but I'll need to do another later and there were peanuts on the carpet you know!" in a very Motherly way. I nodded and left, feeling decidedly unable to communicate with her at that point. My search proved fruitless...there were no overnight guests to be found!
I headed back upstairs and fell on the bed. I reached feebly for my mobile and sent out feelers to a couple of party attenders on the whereabouts of the missing neighbour. A couple of Beep Beep's later and it was established that rather then walk the 2 doors home when he left at 4.30am my neighbour had jumped in the taxi which was Edinburgh bound and had last been seen at about 7am on the sofa in my Sister's house. She and Lynnie had crashed out about then and the reply came back that he had left sometime between then and now.
Better Half was nudged again with instructions to get dressed and go and let Kate know that her Hubby wasn't here and hadn't been since 4am and that last we knew he'd gone into Edinburgh (I felt it best to leave the fact that that happened to be in the company of a single man and two single females out!). Better Half was not overjoyed at this but agreed it was best to stop Kate worrying about him.
10 minutes later and with me firmly back in bed and aware of a horrible earache kicking in, Better Half returned to say the message had been delivered and that Kate had spoken to her vanishing Husband (who had turned his mobile back on) and that said Husband could "Get to fuck cause he's fucking done it this time"
Oops.
So safe in the knowledge that my doorbell wouldn't ring and my door wouldn't be banged on and no-one was likely to be shouting at me from outside I pulled up the covers and got comfy again...course as Better Half was dressed he was sent to pick up the dog from the kennels and directed to the kitchen to rustle up sausage (quorn of course!), egg and beans and a nice cup of tea for me...and after eating my breakfast I promptly went back to sleep until 4pm!
I knew there was a reason I only do this party thing once every few years...it's not the party as such or the organisation...it's the inevitable chaos that ensues afterwards!
Jenny xx
*Rob and Kate ain't their real names. Their real names are Janet and John. Nope that's a lie too!
Now even before the door went for the first time I had arsed the best part of 3/4 of a bottle of wine on an empty stomach which is never a good idea. So I was feeling a bit cheery by the time people started arriving!
As the night went on I dumped Gallo for a dangerous Russian called Smirnoff and happily admit to being completely intoxicated by him for the rest of the evening.
Anyway I trudged upstairs at about 4.15am barely able to keep my eyes open and trudged back down again 20 minutes later to say goodbye to Ross, My Sis, Lynnie and Rob* all of whom (as usual) were last to leave...in a very random thing to do kind of way I had taken off my jeans and knickers and had the foresight to put on my PJ bottoms (always a bonus when you come back down to say cheerio to people!) yet I kept my top, bra and jewellery on...more randomly still when I went back up I moisturised my feet and put lip balm on (as I do most nights) but didn't take my make up off! What the fuck?
Anyhow I sleep deeply at the best of times but when I'm drunk my sleep is more a short course in death so my next memory was hearing the doorbell at about 10.30am. The faint Ding Dong was registered somewhere in my head and promptly ignored. Then though the polite Ding Dong was relaced with a not so polite BANG! BANG! BANG! I opened one eye, lifted my head about an inch from the pillow, tilted it to one side like the dog does when she's listening intently, paused for a nano-second to take in the noise and just as I had decided whoever it was could sod off I heard a voice shout "You better open this bloody door!" Now that raised my interest level a bit higher. So I poked the lump lying next to me (who had yet to register any signs of life never mind interest) and murmured "Who the hell is that?" I was prepared for an answer like "Yer ma probably" or "Dammit that'll be my bird" but I wasn't really prepared for "It sounds like Kate*" again I felt my interest level rise a notch, Kate is one of my neighbours and a quiet wee soul. Her Husbad had been at the party but she hadn't as she was apparently ill. The banging had stopped and I heard footsteps stomping away from the front door.
I dragged myself into an upright position and looked at the clock. Just then the phone rang and for some stupid reason I decided to go and answer it downstairs rather than grab the one next to me. By the time I made it down it had stopped. A quick call check later and a listen to the answering machine and it became obvious that it was indeed Kate at the door. She was looking for her Husband who despite living 2 doors away had yet to go home.
I did a quick scout round...I heard someone in the kitchen and opened the door thinking it might be him...only to be met by my 11 year old in her PJ's saying "Well that's the first load in the dishwasher but I'll need to do another later and there were peanuts on the carpet you know!" in a very Motherly way. I nodded and left, feeling decidedly unable to communicate with her at that point. My search proved fruitless...there were no overnight guests to be found!
I headed back upstairs and fell on the bed. I reached feebly for my mobile and sent out feelers to a couple of party attenders on the whereabouts of the missing neighbour. A couple of Beep Beep's later and it was established that rather then walk the 2 doors home when he left at 4.30am my neighbour had jumped in the taxi which was Edinburgh bound and had last been seen at about 7am on the sofa in my Sister's house. She and Lynnie had crashed out about then and the reply came back that he had left sometime between then and now.
Better Half was nudged again with instructions to get dressed and go and let Kate know that her Hubby wasn't here and hadn't been since 4am and that last we knew he'd gone into Edinburgh (I felt it best to leave the fact that that happened to be in the company of a single man and two single females out!). Better Half was not overjoyed at this but agreed it was best to stop Kate worrying about him.
10 minutes later and with me firmly back in bed and aware of a horrible earache kicking in, Better Half returned to say the message had been delivered and that Kate had spoken to her vanishing Husband (who had turned his mobile back on) and that said Husband could "Get to fuck cause he's fucking done it this time"
Oops.
So safe in the knowledge that my doorbell wouldn't ring and my door wouldn't be banged on and no-one was likely to be shouting at me from outside I pulled up the covers and got comfy again...course as Better Half was dressed he was sent to pick up the dog from the kennels and directed to the kitchen to rustle up sausage (quorn of course!), egg and beans and a nice cup of tea for me...and after eating my breakfast I promptly went back to sleep until 4pm!
I knew there was a reason I only do this party thing once every few years...it's not the party as such or the organisation...it's the inevitable chaos that ensues afterwards!
Jenny xx
*Rob and Kate ain't their real names. Their real names are Janet and John. Nope that's a lie too!
Friday, November 30, 2007
And Just Cause I Feel Like It...
And cause it makes me smile when I think about it...
It's only 13 days until Minneapolis mark 4!!
Whoo Hoo!
I may not be much of a painter but I tell you if ever they make shopping an Olympic sport I'd be there with the gold medal round my neck.
Jenny xx
It's only 13 days until Minneapolis mark 4!!
Whoo Hoo!
I may not be much of a painter but I tell you if ever they make shopping an Olympic sport I'd be there with the gold medal round my neck.
Jenny xx
Good Idea...
I should know better. I really should.
Today I had a brainwave. I decided in my infinite wisdom I was going to paint the downstairs loo or W.C or cloakroom if you're posh.
I blame the BBC for this. If I wasn't for them showing some random programme this morning about tarting up your house I'd have happily sat on my butt with my remote control and a cup of tea and whiled the day away. But no daft olly here came over all Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen and made a wild dash to B&Q with contemporary thoughts and french chateau's on my mind!
Anyhow back I came, paint in hand, it's called "Illusion" which sounded a bit more classy than "Sexy Pink" and set about my task.
Course as soon as I started I remembered why I don't paint.
A) I suck at painting
B) It's beyond tedious
C) I am a messy tart and get more paint on myself than the walls.
Anyhow I've persevered and given it a first coat. It all went well and I thank the lord for swear words as those are all that have gotten me through the last hour...who knew I knew so many?!
"Illusion" has turned out to be less exciting than the name suggests...and is looking decidedly like white to me but I am assured by my 11 year old that it has a hint of grey/blue in it. Perhaps she's right. Maybe my eyes are just fecked from looking at the bloody stuff and squinting to reach the dodgy bits behind the toilet, sink and radiator!
Anyhow it's nearly time for round two. Jenny Versus The Loo. Although to be fair I doubt anyone would know it was me as I'm unrecogniseable due to the amounts of paint all over my body...my hair has got a large "Nancy From Nightmare On Elm Street" style grey streak...I fear it might not be paint but the result of the stress I am suffering after yet another stupid idea.
I've got 3 and a half hours to finish this, clean myself and my mess before Him What Says I Should Never Touch A Paintbrush returns from work! Wish me luck people!
Jenny xx
Today I had a brainwave. I decided in my infinite wisdom I was going to paint the downstairs loo or W.C or cloakroom if you're posh.
I blame the BBC for this. If I wasn't for them showing some random programme this morning about tarting up your house I'd have happily sat on my butt with my remote control and a cup of tea and whiled the day away. But no daft olly here came over all Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen and made a wild dash to B&Q with contemporary thoughts and french chateau's on my mind!
Anyhow back I came, paint in hand, it's called "Illusion" which sounded a bit more classy than "Sexy Pink" and set about my task.
Course as soon as I started I remembered why I don't paint.
A) I suck at painting
B) It's beyond tedious
C) I am a messy tart and get more paint on myself than the walls.
Anyhow I've persevered and given it a first coat. It all went well and I thank the lord for swear words as those are all that have gotten me through the last hour...who knew I knew so many?!
"Illusion" has turned out to be less exciting than the name suggests...and is looking decidedly like white to me but I am assured by my 11 year old that it has a hint of grey/blue in it. Perhaps she's right. Maybe my eyes are just fecked from looking at the bloody stuff and squinting to reach the dodgy bits behind the toilet, sink and radiator!
Anyhow it's nearly time for round two. Jenny Versus The Loo. Although to be fair I doubt anyone would know it was me as I'm unrecogniseable due to the amounts of paint all over my body...my hair has got a large "Nancy From Nightmare On Elm Street" style grey streak...I fear it might not be paint but the result of the stress I am suffering after yet another stupid idea.
I've got 3 and a half hours to finish this, clean myself and my mess before Him What Says I Should Never Touch A Paintbrush returns from work! Wish me luck people!
Jenny xx
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
First Up...
Right well that's me back. I've not been on here for ages. Haven't glanced at another Blog for long enough either. There's a few reasons for this. One is that I seem to spend half my life on Bebo or JKB or EBay or bloody Facebook now (cheers Ross).
I will need to pay more attention to this here Blog...if only I can find space in my hectic schedule!
Jenny xx
I will need to pay more attention to this here Blog...if only I can find space in my hectic schedule!
Jenny xx
Saturday, September 22, 2007
What The ...?
With Christmas only 94 days away it'll soon be time to start thinking about what gifts to get your loved ones. Well here's the ideal gift for the special female in your life...the SheWee.
Shewee Ladies Wee Funnel
Shewee, when positioned securely under the crotch, and with underwear pushed to the side, the Shewee ladies wee funnel directs urine away from the body to a suitable place, such as a toilet, a container or a conveniently located tree!
All women will benefit from using Shewee ladies wee funnel at some time. Comes complete with a hygenic carrying pouch.
Oh.My.God.
Jenny xx
Shewee Ladies Wee Funnel
Shewee, when positioned securely under the crotch, and with underwear pushed to the side, the Shewee ladies wee funnel directs urine away from the body to a suitable place, such as a toilet, a container or a conveniently located tree!
No more crossed legs or uncomfortable squatting.
Maintain your privacy and banish bare bottoms!
Stand up at public toilets to avoid unhygienic seats and smelly portable loos.
Hike/climb/ski/jog off the beaten track, miles from the nearest toilet.
Travel the world with the comfort of home in your pocket.
All women will benefit from using Shewee ladies wee funnel at some time. Comes complete with a hygenic carrying pouch.
Oh.My.God.
Jenny xx
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Em...I'm Not German...
How comes when I publish a post it tells me it has been published sucessfully in German?
Jenny xx
Jenny xx
Sick, Sick, Sick...
Right then I reckon I have the plague or at least some other horrible lurgy.
For the last fortnight I have been feeling rotten. Just a wee bug I thought when it kicked off exactly two weeks ago today but now? Well now I reckon I have some hideous superbug which is systematically detroying me!
It all began innocently enough. Achy bones and the mother of all headaches which lasted for 48 hours before easing of to the daughter of all headaches. By the Friday of that week the headache and achyness were accompanied by a temperature which was up and down more than a whores knickers. By the following Monday I felt knackered and had developed a sore throat. On the Tuesday I awoke to that nice runny nose that comes with a cold. By Wednesday I was into nostrils permanently blocked territory and needing to breath through my mouth due a lack of oxygen making it up my nasal passages! This wee phase lasted through to Friday when the runny nose had returned and was trying to choke me by sitting in my throat and attempting to drown me!
Saturday arrived and brought with it more snot and gunk and a headache...probably caused by me constantly blowing my nose in a bid to breath! By Sunday the gunk was there but was now accompanied by a dry throat which led to a nippy, irritating cough which wanted to appear every time I breathed to deeply or spoke and a tightness in my chest which was borderline painful whenever said cough reared it's head. That's how it remained until yesterday when the cough decided to get deeper and gunkier. And all the way through I have been plauged with sneezing and the inability to go more than 5 minutes without blowing my nose! Add to that a rash on my tummy, a throat that feels as thick as Pavarottis waistline and a mysterious red cricle under my arm and I'm kinda convinced I have some random plague type thingy!
I've self-medicated with every sort of over the counter remedy. Asprins, Paracetamol, Headaches tablets, Lemsips, throat lozenges and fresh orange but for some insane reason I seem to be getting sicker instead of better! I've tried to stay active throughout, getting on with stuff and getting fresh air but yesterday I admitted defeat and went to bed at 4pm.
I've also rung in sick to work as there was no way I was gonna make it through a 12 hour shift today (just as well really as I woke up this morning at 5am with a killer sore tummy and pain in my ears!). Anyhow the image of me standing behind my wee glass partition trying to offer advice, sympathy and air of authority to the public as they come in while excusing myself to sneeze, losing my voice and never being more than a minute away from a tissue is less than professional!
I'm gonna cave in again today and stay in bed. Hopefully the warmth and rest will shift this thing once and for all.
Anyhow if it's not shifted in a day or two I'm going to the Doc's as it might just be that an anti-biotic is required. I dunno what it is but I do know it doesn't respond to the usual remedy of retail therapy...I've bought a new american fridge/freezer, a set of new french doors, a new coffee maker, some new outdoor lights and a new car in the last week and none of them have helped!
Jenny xx
For the last fortnight I have been feeling rotten. Just a wee bug I thought when it kicked off exactly two weeks ago today but now? Well now I reckon I have some hideous superbug which is systematically detroying me!
It all began innocently enough. Achy bones and the mother of all headaches which lasted for 48 hours before easing of to the daughter of all headaches. By the Friday of that week the headache and achyness were accompanied by a temperature which was up and down more than a whores knickers. By the following Monday I felt knackered and had developed a sore throat. On the Tuesday I awoke to that nice runny nose that comes with a cold. By Wednesday I was into nostrils permanently blocked territory and needing to breath through my mouth due a lack of oxygen making it up my nasal passages! This wee phase lasted through to Friday when the runny nose had returned and was trying to choke me by sitting in my throat and attempting to drown me!
Saturday arrived and brought with it more snot and gunk and a headache...probably caused by me constantly blowing my nose in a bid to breath! By Sunday the gunk was there but was now accompanied by a dry throat which led to a nippy, irritating cough which wanted to appear every time I breathed to deeply or spoke and a tightness in my chest which was borderline painful whenever said cough reared it's head. That's how it remained until yesterday when the cough decided to get deeper and gunkier. And all the way through I have been plauged with sneezing and the inability to go more than 5 minutes without blowing my nose! Add to that a rash on my tummy, a throat that feels as thick as Pavarottis waistline and a mysterious red cricle under my arm and I'm kinda convinced I have some random plague type thingy!
I've self-medicated with every sort of over the counter remedy. Asprins, Paracetamol, Headaches tablets, Lemsips, throat lozenges and fresh orange but for some insane reason I seem to be getting sicker instead of better! I've tried to stay active throughout, getting on with stuff and getting fresh air but yesterday I admitted defeat and went to bed at 4pm.
I've also rung in sick to work as there was no way I was gonna make it through a 12 hour shift today (just as well really as I woke up this morning at 5am with a killer sore tummy and pain in my ears!). Anyhow the image of me standing behind my wee glass partition trying to offer advice, sympathy and air of authority to the public as they come in while excusing myself to sneeze, losing my voice and never being more than a minute away from a tissue is less than professional!
I'm gonna cave in again today and stay in bed. Hopefully the warmth and rest will shift this thing once and for all.
Anyhow if it's not shifted in a day or two I'm going to the Doc's as it might just be that an anti-biotic is required. I dunno what it is but I do know it doesn't respond to the usual remedy of retail therapy...I've bought a new american fridge/freezer, a set of new french doors, a new coffee maker, some new outdoor lights and a new car in the last week and none of them have helped!
Jenny xx
Saturday, September 15, 2007
A Wee Message To....
The SFA, Walter Smith, The biased media, All the soap doding Hun fans and to that fellow Divemaster Dad who lives in South Africa....;)
GET IT RIGHT UP YOU!!!!!!!!!!
The Famous Heart Of Midlothian 4 - Glasgow Rankgers - 2
Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! Fan-fecking-tastical!!!! 'Mon The Mighty JT's!!!!
That is all.
Jenny xx
GET IT RIGHT UP YOU!!!!!!!!!!
The Famous Heart Of Midlothian 4 - Glasgow Rankgers - 2
Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! Fan-fecking-tastical!!!! 'Mon The Mighty JT's!!!!
That is all.
Jenny xx
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
It's All In The Stars...
I got an email from a mate recently which said (and I quote) "I saw this and thought of you" below it was the title Friend and a picture of 2 little girls and underneath, the following quote "I wouldn't want to piss you off. You are sarcastic, strong willed, loud, aggressive, uncompromising at times, defiant and bossy...but if I had to choose a mate to stand shoulder to shoulder with me in times of pain or advsersity I'd choose you"
It was based on me. As in the me she knows and the person I am. Some may have taken it as an insult. I took it as a compliment. I am all these things and more.
I am sarcastic, strong willed, loud, aggressive, uncompromising, defiant and bossy. I'm also impatient, fiery, rash, extreme, and arrogant, impulsive, intolerant and can be insensitive and forceful.
On the other side I can be assertive, pioneering, enthusiastic, adventurous, humorous, fast-paced, energetic and passionate, sociable, talkative, brave, independent,competitive, eager, straightforward, headstrong, a leader, focused on the present and freedom-loving.
Personally I view none of these as bad characteristics! Anyhow these are the traits my star sign says I have so it's not my fault! I'm an Aries, it's a fire sign, it's numero uno and I have red hair so really I was never going to be some quiet wee wallflower with no attitude!
I make no apologies for being any of the above. All of them can be positives to a person.
I am defiant because I won't just accept things. I'm sarcastic but that can be a gift if used properly! I'm definitely impulsive (see Minneapolis!) and I do tend to live in the day and don't plan for the future too much. I am head strong...ask my Primary one teacher who had a battle on her hands with me because she couldn't keep up with me education wise and lost her class to the smart ass 5 year old who finished all her work first and then proceeded to tell the class to come and listen to a story or play outside! That poor woman had a nervous breakdown mid-way through the term and this smart ass 5 year old got the blame!
I'm also well aware of the fact that I can be intolerant and uncompromising. I have no time for people who are rude, abusive, stupid to the point of danger or ill informed but believe otherwise. I won't waste time arguing with a fool. I will, and I am about to be arrogant, use sarcasm or my brain to prove them idiots and leave it at that. Ask anyone who's ever heard me utter the immortal words "I'm right. I know I'm right and I'll prove it" which I happen so say a hell of a lot...oh and if on the off chance I'm wrong (which by the way is not very often cause I'm usually always right!) I won't apologise for it unless I've deeply offended you or upset you....and even then don't hold you're breath cause I'll have to have time to sulk! Cause I'm petulant as well...a trait not mentioned in my star sign!
I'm not brave though...reckless and over enthusastic to the point of doing daft stuff yes but brave? No. If you've ever seen me when a spider appears then you'd know brave is not a trait I display! That said if you wanna have a go then come ahead...I'll not back away cause I'm a strong-willed, headstrong, aggressive leader!! Lol!
As for being competitive? Well let's just say I want to pee quicker than the woman in the cubicle next to me! I am very, very competitive but not materially or anything like that. I just like to win or to support the winner. I'm a bad loser. That I will admit. The fact I share a house and bed with the world's most competitive man only helps to fuel me on! I gotta beat him at everything! It makes life intresting!
I reckon my mate knows me well. She knows that me being sarcastic, strong willed, loud, aggressive, uncompromising at times, defiant and bossy means I will be right by her side backing her up till her nose bleeds if she needs me.She knows I will make her laugh when I think she needs to and will give it to her straight when she needs to hear it and that I'll happily wade in with a punch on her behalf if ever I need to! It's the way I am with everyone I love. It's also the way I am with the underdog. I'm a sucker for an underdog!
Yes, some would say these traits are bad things. Me? I like them. I'm no angel but who is?;)
But Hey let's remember I have a soft side too...I can be quiet, thoughtful, introverted and spiritual. I cry at X Factor for god's sake. I'm still scarred from Bambi's mother dying and I can't listen to Puff The Magic Dragon or Two Little Boys without welling up...in fact I get emotional when one of bairns loses a baby tooth! Ane these admissions have just taken away any street cred I ever had!
Och well.
Jenny xx
It was based on me. As in the me she knows and the person I am. Some may have taken it as an insult. I took it as a compliment. I am all these things and more.
I am sarcastic, strong willed, loud, aggressive, uncompromising, defiant and bossy. I'm also impatient, fiery, rash, extreme, and arrogant, impulsive, intolerant and can be insensitive and forceful.
On the other side I can be assertive, pioneering, enthusiastic, adventurous, humorous, fast-paced, energetic and passionate, sociable, talkative, brave, independent,competitive, eager, straightforward, headstrong, a leader, focused on the present and freedom-loving.
Personally I view none of these as bad characteristics! Anyhow these are the traits my star sign says I have so it's not my fault! I'm an Aries, it's a fire sign, it's numero uno and I have red hair so really I was never going to be some quiet wee wallflower with no attitude!
I make no apologies for being any of the above. All of them can be positives to a person.
I am defiant because I won't just accept things. I'm sarcastic but that can be a gift if used properly! I'm definitely impulsive (see Minneapolis!) and I do tend to live in the day and don't plan for the future too much. I am head strong...ask my Primary one teacher who had a battle on her hands with me because she couldn't keep up with me education wise and lost her class to the smart ass 5 year old who finished all her work first and then proceeded to tell the class to come and listen to a story or play outside! That poor woman had a nervous breakdown mid-way through the term and this smart ass 5 year old got the blame!
I'm also well aware of the fact that I can be intolerant and uncompromising. I have no time for people who are rude, abusive, stupid to the point of danger or ill informed but believe otherwise. I won't waste time arguing with a fool. I will, and I am about to be arrogant, use sarcasm or my brain to prove them idiots and leave it at that. Ask anyone who's ever heard me utter the immortal words "I'm right. I know I'm right and I'll prove it" which I happen so say a hell of a lot...oh and if on the off chance I'm wrong (which by the way is not very often cause I'm usually always right!) I won't apologise for it unless I've deeply offended you or upset you....and even then don't hold you're breath cause I'll have to have time to sulk! Cause I'm petulant as well...a trait not mentioned in my star sign!
I'm not brave though...reckless and over enthusastic to the point of doing daft stuff yes but brave? No. If you've ever seen me when a spider appears then you'd know brave is not a trait I display! That said if you wanna have a go then come ahead...I'll not back away cause I'm a strong-willed, headstrong, aggressive leader!! Lol!
As for being competitive? Well let's just say I want to pee quicker than the woman in the cubicle next to me! I am very, very competitive but not materially or anything like that. I just like to win or to support the winner. I'm a bad loser. That I will admit. The fact I share a house and bed with the world's most competitive man only helps to fuel me on! I gotta beat him at everything! It makes life intresting!
I reckon my mate knows me well. She knows that me being sarcastic, strong willed, loud, aggressive, uncompromising at times, defiant and bossy means I will be right by her side backing her up till her nose bleeds if she needs me.She knows I will make her laugh when I think she needs to and will give it to her straight when she needs to hear it and that I'll happily wade in with a punch on her behalf if ever I need to! It's the way I am with everyone I love. It's also the way I am with the underdog. I'm a sucker for an underdog!
Yes, some would say these traits are bad things. Me? I like them. I'm no angel but who is?;)
But Hey let's remember I have a soft side too...I can be quiet, thoughtful, introverted and spiritual. I cry at X Factor for god's sake. I'm still scarred from Bambi's mother dying and I can't listen to Puff The Magic Dragon or Two Little Boys without welling up...in fact I get emotional when one of bairns loses a baby tooth! Ane these admissions have just taken away any street cred I ever had!
Och well.
Jenny xx
Caved In Again....
Right so I came home from Florida and vowed I would not cross the Atlantic again until next years summer holiday (I've a feeling it'll be Florida again!). See since April 2004 I have been over the pond 9 times, having been 4 times to Florida, twice to New York and 3 times to Minneapolis. It might be ok if I was a business man going for work or if I was loaded and could jet off at will but I'm neither and given I'm not a fan of long haul flying and I can't really afford any more random trips to the States on a whim I decided to give it a miss till next year. A sort of self-imposed ban if you like!
Then my thoughts turned to Christmas and shopping and then in turn to proper cold weather and outlet malls and from there to cold, crisp days and freezing nights and to hot chocolate and cheap clothes and Macy's and Old Navy and Abercrombie and Fitch and Jimmy Choo and Juicy Couture and Christmas lights and parades and Chicken Fajitas in a downtown restaurant and a wee break from the kids and letting loose with my Mum and Sis and...and...well...I just...booked a wee flight across the Atlantic for December!! Oops!
To be honest it was looking at the pictures of previous trips that did it. Mum, Gill and I always have a laugh when we're there and it's the one time in the year we get to spend quality time just the three of us. Being ourselves instead of Mum, Auntie or Gran. Doing what we like, ripping the piss out each other (and Mum's driving skills), laughing at each others bra sizes (Mum buys them made to measure for a fortune, Gill buys them off the peg from the bigger sizes and I buy them from off the peg from the teenagers range! I'm not as well endowed as my Mother or sibling!)It's just chill out time when we can shop all day and kick back with a few vodka and cranberries over a meal at night. Oh and my Sis and I can con Mum into buying us things for Christmas that she wouldn't normally by appealing that we are her bairns!
So Minneapolis here we come for the fourth year on the trot. Now time to save the pennies to spend....which will mean no new shoes from now until then (well possibly a new pair of trainers!) but given my vast collection I have enough to go from September until December without wearing the same one's twice so I shoud be able to cope!
Course this all says a lot about me (apart from a love of shoes which borders on obsession). It says I am unable to stick to any sort of self imposed ban.
Jenny xx
Then my thoughts turned to Christmas and shopping and then in turn to proper cold weather and outlet malls and from there to cold, crisp days and freezing nights and to hot chocolate and cheap clothes and Macy's and Old Navy and Abercrombie and Fitch and Jimmy Choo and Juicy Couture and Christmas lights and parades and Chicken Fajitas in a downtown restaurant and a wee break from the kids and letting loose with my Mum and Sis and...and...well...I just...booked a wee flight across the Atlantic for December!! Oops!
To be honest it was looking at the pictures of previous trips that did it. Mum, Gill and I always have a laugh when we're there and it's the one time in the year we get to spend quality time just the three of us. Being ourselves instead of Mum, Auntie or Gran. Doing what we like, ripping the piss out each other (and Mum's driving skills), laughing at each others bra sizes (Mum buys them made to measure for a fortune, Gill buys them off the peg from the bigger sizes and I buy them from off the peg from the teenagers range! I'm not as well endowed as my Mother or sibling!)It's just chill out time when we can shop all day and kick back with a few vodka and cranberries over a meal at night. Oh and my Sis and I can con Mum into buying us things for Christmas that she wouldn't normally by appealing that we are her bairns!
So Minneapolis here we come for the fourth year on the trot. Now time to save the pennies to spend....which will mean no new shoes from now until then (well possibly a new pair of trainers!) but given my vast collection I have enough to go from September until December without wearing the same one's twice so I shoud be able to cope!
Course this all says a lot about me (apart from a love of shoes which borders on obsession). It says I am unable to stick to any sort of self imposed ban.
Jenny xx
While I'm Here...
I back Miko.
What a fecking uproar over a dive. Yes it was against Scotland and yes it could have proved a blow to our hopes of qualifying for Euro 2008 but...it didnae! All forwards do it. Yes it's cheating but hey look at Christiano Ronaldo or closer to home maybe Davie Weir or Gary O'Connor...both of whom cheated on Saturday.
Lithuania lost the game. We won 3-1. Miko dived. Big deal. If he does the same on the 17th October or 17th November against either Ukraine or France for Lithuania and they beat them he will be a national hero in Scotland.
Miko played better for his country than he has for ages in a Hearts shirt and had the better of Hutton from when he came on. More of the same on Saturday Miko son when Hutton comes calling with his Rankgers team mates!
I back Miko!
Jenny xx
What a fecking uproar over a dive. Yes it was against Scotland and yes it could have proved a blow to our hopes of qualifying for Euro 2008 but...it didnae! All forwards do it. Yes it's cheating but hey look at Christiano Ronaldo or closer to home maybe Davie Weir or Gary O'Connor...both of whom cheated on Saturday.
Lithuania lost the game. We won 3-1. Miko dived. Big deal. If he does the same on the 17th October or 17th November against either Ukraine or France for Lithuania and they beat them he will be a national hero in Scotland.
Miko played better for his country than he has for ages in a Hearts shirt and had the better of Hutton from when he came on. More of the same on Saturday Miko son when Hutton comes calling with his Rankgers team mates!
I back Miko!
Jenny xx
No Smoke Without Fire?
Back in may when little Madeline went missing my heart went out to her parents. Like any other right minded person. However, it nagged at me that they had left her alone in the first place but still I thought "well hard lesson learned there". That though was 3 months ago. In that time my opinion has changed somewhat. I'm still perlexed by the fact they left 3 small children alone and for several weeks now I have thought there was a damn sight more to this than meets the eye. Now we find the McCann family firmly in the spotlight as possible suspects. Could it be a case of no smoke without fire? My attitude changed within weeks of her disappearance. Let me explain why...
1)It's never acceptable to leave small children alone. Bad judgement? Yes. Bad parenting? Yes. Does it make them responsible? Yes. If they were working class parents from an inner city they'd have been slaughtered for it. Yet they have never, bar once, mentioned leaving her alone. They have never said it was silly or stupid or it was there own fault...surely any parent would?
2)If you were going to "steal" a child why would you go for the one who can talk and cause problems for you? The one in the middle of the bed? Why not take one of the younger ones? Think about it...you know this will be all over the news as soon as you've taken her. Why risk, if this is a straight abduction and she is alive, taking the one child most likely to say "where's my mummy?" in a public place.
3) It has become apparent the Maddie must be dead. The sheer volume of press would surely make it impossible for her to be alive. How did she get out Portugal? Let's face is she's highly unlikely to stil be there is she is alive. A small, blonde, english speaking child will stick out like a sore thumb over there now. So why are Kate and Gerry not willing to concede this? As before you could never risk taking Maddie out in public. She can speak for god's sake. It's too big a risk to take.
4) 3 year olds are not as daft as we think. We've seen it in the press often enough about wee scones who dial 999 to save Mummy or who have the ability to know their address. From the age of 2 a child has the mental ability to differ right from wrong. In this day and age it's few children who have not been told by their parents even at that young age about the dangers of strangers. In addition at that age children link to Mummy and Daddy in a big way. They do not have the ability to be concise in words but they certainly do possess the ability to cry, scream and stamp their feet when they are upset or want their Mothers. They do this even with people they knwo well when they want their parents. Maddie would surely have done this is she was alive. She would have, at some point, kicked off in a temper. Yet no-one anywhere in the world has seen it.
5) The timescale doesn't fit. The McCann's timing of their arrival is out of synch with another who attended the meal.
6)No-one knows when Maddie was last seen alive.
7) Kate and Gerry may well have the middle class stiff upper lip going on. Fair enough some people can control their emotions. I am one of them. I didn't shed a tear in public when my Father died. Alone though in private I was a wreck but I know this...controlled or not...if someone had one of my children I'd be freaking out. I'd be angry, I'd be emotional, I'd be scared, I'd be fearing the worst, I'd be out there looking, I'd be making threats of violence. In short my parental instinct would kick in. I've seen no evidence of any of this from either Gerry or Kate. Surely there is only so far a stiff upper lip can go? So we hear they cry at night...but where is the anger? Where is the emotion? Emotion is not just about crying. Even their pleas seem to lack emotion.
8) Sadly I know people who have lost a child. These people could barely function for weeks. Yes, tragically, they had clarity in that their child was dead but it doesn't detract from the fact that their was a gap in their lives which they could not accept. They dragged themselves through making plans, through visits from relatives and the grief of others and ultimately the funeral. Do not tell me it has not crossed Kate and Gerry's minds that there daughter is dead? Yet they seem to be carrying on with life. Facing the world with freshly washed hair and make up. Jogging round Portugal and jetting round the world (leaving their twins behind) to meet the pope, release records, distribute posters. I suspect the majority of us in the same position would be at best dishevelled, not quite as controlled and less inclined to leave our other children for a second. Their behaviour just seems to go against parental instinct. That thing inside you when you are a parent that just comes forward from the minute that child is put in your arms. That involuntary notion to protect, to love and cherish this little being. And most of all that emotion, panic and anger that comes from not having them there to protect, love and cherish. Or the guilt at not having done the job properly. Where is the guilt? I carry a guilt in me everyday that I did not manage to be there to save my Father. I'm not even his parent. I still wonder if I could have done soemthing even though I know I couldn't have. Where is the guilt? Where is the emotion that goes with it? Where is the "we're so sorry Maddie?"
9) The DNA? Well it an be explained away in a number of ways but let's think back...No confirmed sightings of the child. No witnesses saw or heard anything unusual. No-one able to confirm when Maddie was last seen. No-one went into the room to check them. The unlocked room. I know if I was checking my child I'd look in. Likewise if I was checking somene elses child. Otherwise why leave the door unlocked? Blood found in the room. Tiny specks. From where? How did they get there? Did Maddie fall? Had she cut herself earlier in the holiday?
10) Friends at the meal used the creche facility that night. Provided by the complex. There was also a babysitting service. Now even if you had to pay for it this is a couple who earn 6 figures a year or more. There is no excuse for not using it. Why didn't they? A witness has confirmed this was not the first night the children were left alone. Another has confirmed she heard Maddie crying and shouting out for her Daddy a few nights earlier while the McCanns were out. Yet on the night she apparently vanishes into thin air no-one hears anything? Are we supposed to believe that someone lifted a 3 year old child from a sleep, walked out a complex and took her with no-one seeing or hearing anything? That Maddie didn't wake and cry out or shout or struggle? Cause if she did then surely someone would have heard or saw something? And all this in the space of 10 minutes? Because apparently the McCanns and their friends checked every 10 minutes. Of course when Gerry went he was apparently gone 10 minutes and admitted to spending 6 of them chatting to someone. So 4 minutes from restaurant to apartment to check the children before chatting to this friend?
11)The McCann's firmly believe Maddie is still alive. So put yourself in that position. You're peaking to the press day in, day out for weeks in a bid to keep it in the spotlight, to keep yoru daughter in everyone's minds. You appeal to whoever has her to bring her back. Fair enough. However, given the massive press coverage and the fact your child is in every newspaper, on posters everywhere and on every tv set in the world is it not likey Maddie will see herself somewhere and ask questions if she is alive? Or say "Oh look there's me!" as 3 year olds do. Again it comfirms that anyone taking her with a view to keeping her alive would not be able to take her out, put her to school, to a doctor, to a restaurant. No-one is going to take that risk. She is no use to anyone who wanted to keep her alive. But...as her parent you are absolutely sure she is alive somewhere...does instinct not tell you to appeal to your daughter? To tell her you love her and want her home. That you didn't give her away, that you miss her and that you are doing all you can to get her back. Why have the McCanns not said any of this? Forget the advice they might be getting. Gut instinct and emotion sometimes overrules everything else. Not once have they appealed to their child directly.
There is a theory doing the rounds...
That the McCanns may have sedated the children to help keep them asleep while they were out. They return to find Maddie dead. They desperately ty to resusitate her but fail. It's not an out of this world theory. So what do they do? Their daughter is dead. They prescribed medicine they shouldn't have. They have careers and 2 other children. Do they risk losing everything? or do they cover it up knowing there's nothing they can do for Maddie now? It's not outwith the realms of probability if it happened a day or do sooner than we were told Maddie disappeared. They would have had time to for the meal alibi and to get rid of the body.
I'm not saying this is what happened. I'm merely throwing up the option. I sincerely hope they did not do it. They would instantly become the most hated people in the country. I hope Maddie is found...even if she is dead as horrible as that sounds...so one way or the other this can be put to bed. If the McCann's are innocent they need to get closure on this and if finding her proves they were involved then they need to be punished.
One things for sure...if they are innocent it's one of the first times there has been smoke without fire.
Jenny xx
1)It's never acceptable to leave small children alone. Bad judgement? Yes. Bad parenting? Yes. Does it make them responsible? Yes. If they were working class parents from an inner city they'd have been slaughtered for it. Yet they have never, bar once, mentioned leaving her alone. They have never said it was silly or stupid or it was there own fault...surely any parent would?
2)If you were going to "steal" a child why would you go for the one who can talk and cause problems for you? The one in the middle of the bed? Why not take one of the younger ones? Think about it...you know this will be all over the news as soon as you've taken her. Why risk, if this is a straight abduction and she is alive, taking the one child most likely to say "where's my mummy?" in a public place.
3) It has become apparent the Maddie must be dead. The sheer volume of press would surely make it impossible for her to be alive. How did she get out Portugal? Let's face is she's highly unlikely to stil be there is she is alive. A small, blonde, english speaking child will stick out like a sore thumb over there now. So why are Kate and Gerry not willing to concede this? As before you could never risk taking Maddie out in public. She can speak for god's sake. It's too big a risk to take.
4) 3 year olds are not as daft as we think. We've seen it in the press often enough about wee scones who dial 999 to save Mummy or who have the ability to know their address. From the age of 2 a child has the mental ability to differ right from wrong. In this day and age it's few children who have not been told by their parents even at that young age about the dangers of strangers. In addition at that age children link to Mummy and Daddy in a big way. They do not have the ability to be concise in words but they certainly do possess the ability to cry, scream and stamp their feet when they are upset or want their Mothers. They do this even with people they knwo well when they want their parents. Maddie would surely have done this is she was alive. She would have, at some point, kicked off in a temper. Yet no-one anywhere in the world has seen it.
5) The timescale doesn't fit. The McCann's timing of their arrival is out of synch with another who attended the meal.
6)No-one knows when Maddie was last seen alive.
7) Kate and Gerry may well have the middle class stiff upper lip going on. Fair enough some people can control their emotions. I am one of them. I didn't shed a tear in public when my Father died. Alone though in private I was a wreck but I know this...controlled or not...if someone had one of my children I'd be freaking out. I'd be angry, I'd be emotional, I'd be scared, I'd be fearing the worst, I'd be out there looking, I'd be making threats of violence. In short my parental instinct would kick in. I've seen no evidence of any of this from either Gerry or Kate. Surely there is only so far a stiff upper lip can go? So we hear they cry at night...but where is the anger? Where is the emotion? Emotion is not just about crying. Even their pleas seem to lack emotion.
8) Sadly I know people who have lost a child. These people could barely function for weeks. Yes, tragically, they had clarity in that their child was dead but it doesn't detract from the fact that their was a gap in their lives which they could not accept. They dragged themselves through making plans, through visits from relatives and the grief of others and ultimately the funeral. Do not tell me it has not crossed Kate and Gerry's minds that there daughter is dead? Yet they seem to be carrying on with life. Facing the world with freshly washed hair and make up. Jogging round Portugal and jetting round the world (leaving their twins behind) to meet the pope, release records, distribute posters. I suspect the majority of us in the same position would be at best dishevelled, not quite as controlled and less inclined to leave our other children for a second. Their behaviour just seems to go against parental instinct. That thing inside you when you are a parent that just comes forward from the minute that child is put in your arms. That involuntary notion to protect, to love and cherish this little being. And most of all that emotion, panic and anger that comes from not having them there to protect, love and cherish. Or the guilt at not having done the job properly. Where is the guilt? I carry a guilt in me everyday that I did not manage to be there to save my Father. I'm not even his parent. I still wonder if I could have done soemthing even though I know I couldn't have. Where is the guilt? Where is the emotion that goes with it? Where is the "we're so sorry Maddie?"
9) The DNA? Well it an be explained away in a number of ways but let's think back...No confirmed sightings of the child. No witnesses saw or heard anything unusual. No-one able to confirm when Maddie was last seen. No-one went into the room to check them. The unlocked room. I know if I was checking my child I'd look in. Likewise if I was checking somene elses child. Otherwise why leave the door unlocked? Blood found in the room. Tiny specks. From where? How did they get there? Did Maddie fall? Had she cut herself earlier in the holiday?
10) Friends at the meal used the creche facility that night. Provided by the complex. There was also a babysitting service. Now even if you had to pay for it this is a couple who earn 6 figures a year or more. There is no excuse for not using it. Why didn't they? A witness has confirmed this was not the first night the children were left alone. Another has confirmed she heard Maddie crying and shouting out for her Daddy a few nights earlier while the McCanns were out. Yet on the night she apparently vanishes into thin air no-one hears anything? Are we supposed to believe that someone lifted a 3 year old child from a sleep, walked out a complex and took her with no-one seeing or hearing anything? That Maddie didn't wake and cry out or shout or struggle? Cause if she did then surely someone would have heard or saw something? And all this in the space of 10 minutes? Because apparently the McCanns and their friends checked every 10 minutes. Of course when Gerry went he was apparently gone 10 minutes and admitted to spending 6 of them chatting to someone. So 4 minutes from restaurant to apartment to check the children before chatting to this friend?
11)The McCann's firmly believe Maddie is still alive. So put yourself in that position. You're peaking to the press day in, day out for weeks in a bid to keep it in the spotlight, to keep yoru daughter in everyone's minds. You appeal to whoever has her to bring her back. Fair enough. However, given the massive press coverage and the fact your child is in every newspaper, on posters everywhere and on every tv set in the world is it not likey Maddie will see herself somewhere and ask questions if she is alive? Or say "Oh look there's me!" as 3 year olds do. Again it comfirms that anyone taking her with a view to keeping her alive would not be able to take her out, put her to school, to a doctor, to a restaurant. No-one is going to take that risk. She is no use to anyone who wanted to keep her alive. But...as her parent you are absolutely sure she is alive somewhere...does instinct not tell you to appeal to your daughter? To tell her you love her and want her home. That you didn't give her away, that you miss her and that you are doing all you can to get her back. Why have the McCanns not said any of this? Forget the advice they might be getting. Gut instinct and emotion sometimes overrules everything else. Not once have they appealed to their child directly.
There is a theory doing the rounds...
That the McCanns may have sedated the children to help keep them asleep while they were out. They return to find Maddie dead. They desperately ty to resusitate her but fail. It's not an out of this world theory. So what do they do? Their daughter is dead. They prescribed medicine they shouldn't have. They have careers and 2 other children. Do they risk losing everything? or do they cover it up knowing there's nothing they can do for Maddie now? It's not outwith the realms of probability if it happened a day or do sooner than we were told Maddie disappeared. They would have had time to for the meal alibi and to get rid of the body.
I'm not saying this is what happened. I'm merely throwing up the option. I sincerely hope they did not do it. They would instantly become the most hated people in the country. I hope Maddie is found...even if she is dead as horrible as that sounds...so one way or the other this can be put to bed. If the McCann's are innocent they need to get closure on this and if finding her proves they were involved then they need to be punished.
One things for sure...if they are innocent it's one of the first times there has been smoke without fire.
Jenny xx
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Made Me Smile...
I like to laugh. One thing that makes me laugh is life. Another is a sarcastic wit. Another still is a dry sense of humour. So it stands to reason I like comedians who base their act on nothing more than observing life and telling us about it...because let's face it...it's the everyday things that are funny.
I got sent this in an email and it made me smile. It's wee observations from a well known comedian...read it first and it'll tel you who it is at the bottom.
Irritations...
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is? Em No.
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking
floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.
Yep it had to be really didn't it? It's Billy Connolly.
Jenny xx
I got sent this in an email and it made me smile. It's wee observations from a well known comedian...read it first and it'll tel you who it is at the bottom.
Irritations...
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is? Em No.
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking
floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.
Yep it had to be really didn't it? It's Billy Connolly.
Jenny xx
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