Friday, January 27, 2006

It's A Minefield....

Romance. Love. Companionship. Togetherness. We all like a bit of that eh? It's tricky though.
How do you decide on the right partner? How do you know you're compatible? How do you find Mr or Miss Right?

More and more single people are turning to dating agencies and personal ad's in lonely hearts columns to find romance. It may well be an effective way to meet someone but it is not without it's pitfall's. Many a person has come a cropper by misinterpreting what they read in the personal ad's. So to help any of you singletons out there looking for love here's my guide to help you make the right choice...

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
20-ish...............................29
30-ish................................39
40-ish.................................49
Adventurous....................Slept with everyone.
Athletic...............................No breasts.
Average looking........................Ugly.
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
Blonde............................Serial peroxide user.
Bubbly.................................Irritating.
Buxom.................................Breasts hanging round waist.
Colourful.............................Wears too much make up.
Cuddly.................................Cellulite.
Emotionally Secure....................Taking Valium.
Enjoys Socialising..........................Has a drink problem.
Family Orientated...........................See's her Mum everyday.
Feminist..............................Has been dumped.
Free spirit............................Exhibitionist.
Friendly.................................Will try and shag your mates.
Friendship first.......................Former slut.
Fun Loving...............................Up for threesomes and swinging.
Large Frame.............................Obese.
Likes Animals.............................Has loads of stuffed toys on the bed.
Likes Children.................................Desperate for a baby.
Likes Pubs.............................Chronic Karaoke queen.
Likes Eating Out.......................Wants you to pay.
Likes Photography.......................Likes porn.
New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned..........................No BJs.
Open-minded............................Desperate.
Open To New Ideas...................Closet Dyke.
Outgoing.....................................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional...........................Bitch.
Single Mother..........................Bitter / Needs a babysitter.
Voluptuous.............................Overweight.
Wants Soul mate........................Stalker.
Widow...............................Can't cope alone.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.................................50-ish.
Adventurous....................Likes sex anywhere.
Athletic...............................Small beer belly.
Average looking........................Ugly.
Cuddly..........................................Fat.
Enjoys Socialising........................Will try and shag your mates.
Family Orientated.......................Will try and shag your Sister/Mum.
Free Spirit..................................Scared of commitment.
Friendly......................................Will try and shag your mates.
Friendship first.......................Gagging for it.
Funny..............................................Lonely.
Fun Loving...................................Makes a fool of himself when drunk.
Handsome....................................Vain.
Happy Go Lucky.........................Unreliable.
Large frame............................Huge beer belly.
Likes Books....................................Likes Porn.
Likes Children................................Has loads all over the place.
Likes Cinema..................................Likes Porn.
Likes Photography.........................Likes Porn.
Likes Pubs......................................Spends hours there.
Likes Sport.....................................Is out every Saturday.
Looking for soul mate............................Will take anyone.
New-Age.........................................Believes in open relationships.
Old-fashioned..............................Wants you bare foot in the kitchen.
Open-minded.................................Desperate.
Open to new ideas.............................Fancies trying group sex.
Outgoing...............................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional...........................Work Comes first
Solvent........................................Boastful.
Sporty..........................................Watches anything.
Widower...................................Can’t cook, clean, iron, use washing machine.

Happy hunting!

Oh by the way just so you know...I am a 20-ish, average looking, cuddly, voluptous female who would like friendship first, likes photography and is outgoing!!!!!!!!!!

Jenny xx

2 comments:

Steven Douglas said...

If you own a bottle store too, I think I'm in love...LOL....

jenny said...

I'm in the process of getting my own pub!! Does that count??? Lol!