I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
- My work is of a physical nature.
- I work at depths.
- I plunge head first into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
- I work in warm surroundings.
- I often work in areas with strong odours.
- In my work I can often be exposed to contagious diseases.
Taking all the above into account I feel I am worthy of a pay rise as on the whole my job is far more demanding than that of tit who spends most of the day hanging about or indeed having to be supported and whom I know complains monthly about beig sore and tender. I await your response.
The management looked over the letter from the Penis and after much consideration sent him the following reply...
After giving your request due consideration and taking into account the points you raised, the administration rejects your request for a pay rise for the following reasons:
- You are unable to work 8 hours straight.
- You are prone to fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the management.
- You do not stay in your designated area & have tried on several occasions to get into the restricted area to the rear of your workplace.
- You do not take the initiative, often needing to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You are not loyal and you have been caught more than once entering a different workplace.
- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
- Experience has proven you will not be fit to work until 65. In fact in all likelihood you will retire much earlier than this.
- You are unable to work double shifts.
- You often need a hand in order to complete your task.
- You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
- You have spat randomly in inappropriate places.
And as if that was not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Made me giggle did that!