Do you believe in the spirit world? I always have. I believe in guardian angels. I believe spirits can come back. I've never had anything concrete with which to back this up other than a feeling someone was watching over me. I even had an inkling who that someone was when I was younger and the fact I've smelt the scent of relatives who've passed away around me from time to time. Of course I've been to a few mediums in my time who've told me things that were spookily accurate about people I know in the spirit world but are words from strangers and a gut feeling of having a guardian angel enough to justify a belief in such things? Who knows.
I suppose the best way to cement a belief is to see something with your own eyes. Well I think I have and it's cemented my belief 100%.
On Wednesday after my op I was taken to recovery. Anyone who's had an op under general anaesthetic will know that the first thing you are aware of when you are coming round is a strangers voice saying your name and speaking to you. My op was no different. "Jenny, wake up sweetheart" were the first words I heard. A strangers voice. I was barely conscious but knew instantly I'd had an op and must be in recovery. "Jenny, come on honey wake up, we need to know you're ok" the voice said. In my head I was saying give me one more minute and I'll open my eyes. I was aware of feeling pain in my back and bum and that I had an oxygen mask on my face. "Come on honey wake up, Jenny can you hear me" the voice persisted. I was about to open my eyes when another voice joined in. "Come on pal, come on Jessica* wake up" it said. My eyes opened in a flash because the voice belonged to my Dad. Clear as day it was. It was his voice.
* Jessica was a nickname Dad used for me.
My eyes had focused on the foot of my bed. A nurse was standing there with a folder in her hand looking up at me. I was aware of another nurse to the side of me holding my hand but my gaze was fixed at the bottom of my bed...where my Dad was standing with one hand on the table at the bottom of the bed beside the nurse. Navy coat on, navy jumper with a diamond pattern, polo shirt under it and grey trousers. By now I was reaching out for him. Trying desperately to sit up. Struggling to get to where he was. He was exactly how he should have been right down to the lines on his face and the white in his hair. I could even smell his smell. The nurse nearest me was holding me back "No Jenny you can't sit up yet, are you in pain?, come on honey lie back down for me". I was crying now. Tears running down my face because I could see him and he was there. "You're alright pal, you're ok" he said. He looked worried but was smiling. I was trying to speak but nothing would come out. The nurse was holding me down but my arms were reaching out to the bottom of the bed. Then he was gone. Just like that. It lasted about a minute. I was crying really hard now. Couldn't speak, couldn't move. I was crying uncontrollably. Harder than I had when he died. I concentrated on the nurse and tried to calm down.
They were giving me drugs into the site of my drip. "That'll help with the pain" I heard the voice say. She told me they were keeping here for another half hour till my breathing improved. One of the nurses left but the other stayed with me, filling in paperwork and checking my monitor and chatting away. My tears died down and I lay there listening to the sounds around me. There was a man next to me who seemed to be in pain and was making loud moaning noises, across from me I saw a another man lying trying hard to keep his eyes open. Nurses were going to and fro from a nurses station in the middle of the room.
I glanced at the monitor beside me and remember seeing my pulse rate at 76, my heart rate at 90 and my resps at 94. The machine faintly beeping because the resps were too low. I watched the clock and 15 minutes had passed since Dad had vanished. I was willing him to come back and trying not to think of him all at the same time. The nurse came back to speak to me. "Are you ok now? You seem a bit calmer. You gave me a fright trying to get up like that" she said. I noticed for the first time that she was pregnant. I told her I was fine but still sore. She went to the foot of the bed and came back and inserted more painkiller in the venflon. "Where you trying to get to something or was it just a bid to escape?" she asked smiling at me. "I heard my Dad's voice and saw him at the end of the bed" I said. "Oh no honey your Dad wasn't here, we don't let relatives into recovery he'll be in the ward waiting for you though" she said. "He won't be in the ward" I said "He's been dead for over 2 years". Without warning the tears began again and again I was sobbing uncontrollably only this time the nurse was crying with me. Tears running down her cheek. The other nurse came back over and asked what was wrong. Kate, the nurse who had stayed with me told her the story. "I believe you did see your Dad, you're certainly not the first to say that to us, we hear that a lot" said the other nurse.
A few minutes later I was being wheeled in my bed back to the ward by a porter with my 2 nurses alongside me. On the way we were chatting about Kate's baby. In what was a bizarre twist she was discussing names saying she liked Adrian but her Husband liked Samuel! The other nurse said she preferred Samuel and she asked what I thought. "I like Samuel too, I'd go with that". I told her I'd toyed with calling my son Samuel but my Nephew had it as his middle name. She asked if that was because it was a family name. "Yeah it was my Dad's name!" I said. "Are you going to cry again and set me off again?" she laughed. I shook my head.
The bizarre thing about it was that when I first saw Dad it actually flashed through my head that I must be dead! I figured if he was here in the flesh like that then it must be because I was dead too! It also flashed into my head that it was bloody unfair that if this was heaven my arse still hurt!
Now I know this happened after surgery, that I'd had and anaesthetic but my head was clear enough to know instantly where I was and what had happened so I will remain convinced that Dad came to see me. I have now officially seen my first spirit.
And if I needed more proof I got it from Mum who told me she'd look skywards and told Dad to "get down to that hospital and make sure she's alright" before my op. She wasn't the least bit surprised when I told her I'd seen and heard him.
So I believe in the spirit world and guardian angels and now I have something with which to cement my belief.