So today is the first of July 2006. Grab your duvet and some neccessary supplies and lock yourselves indoors till it ends. I'm not being dramatic...really this is for your own good. July is the month of misfortune I tell you. You may not believe me but I have proof!!
Last year my family were going about their lives as normal (I'll rephrase that...normal for us!) when all of a sudden along came July and BANG everything changed and life would never be the same again. Let me outline what happened in July 2005...
4th July - Gran (Dad's Mum) died unexpectedly.
9th July - Mum and Dad moved into their new house. Which was the cause of serious stress to all involved due to numerous problems on the day. Sadly I wasn't there to help out, neither was my Dad or Sister as we were at Gran's funeral the same day!
19th July - My Dad died. He literally sat on his bed and dropped down dead. Apparently it was respiratory failure combined with an asthmatic attack. Whatever, it was a shit reason for someone to have to die. Was it expected? Abso-bloody-lutley not! To say we were shocked is quite frankly the biggest understatement ever! That same day I had to travel to Glasgow despite not wanting to leave my family and tell my Grandad that his only child was dead. Not the most pleasant job I ever had to do and I thank god I will never have to do it again.
24th July - Dad's Funeral. I can honestly say this was the worst day of my life so far. Worse than the day he died even. Funeral's make things kind of final. I have never used so much energy in my life trying to hold myself together in front of all those people. By night time I felt like I'd run a marathon and despite drinking copious amounts of vodka and wanting to get pissed I remained totally sober...what's that all about?
26th July - 3 year old became 4 year old and a family struggled to get through the day smiling and blowing up balloons to try and make his birthday as happy as we could. We did not too bad given it was the first time Granny had had to sign a card with only her name on it.
30th July - Grandpa (Dad's Dad) died. Again it was totally out of the blue and unexpected but by the time it came for him to go we were all numb anyhow!
So there you have it, the proof. Just in case this isn't enough for you...
Mum rings me at 9am this morning and tells me in her wisdom "Well it's July again...we just need to get through this month and we'll be fine, last years was bloody awful, that was when it all kicked off" She's got a point. Obviously there will be many memories this month but you do get the sense that if we get through July without any fresh drama...Yeah right!
A few minutes later I find out one of our closest family friends is very ill and may need heart bypass surgery.
4 hours after Mum's words this morning she leaves my house after a visit and crashes her car. On the main road. Not a little bump but a nice big one. The car is in bad shape. Mum I'm relieved to say is fine, shocked and shaky but fine! Phew!
Christ it's only the first day of July!!!!!
So now I'm thinking...no-one in my family is allowed out for the next 30 days, what next? and would the bookies give odds on us getting through the rest of July without any more problems...I doubt it!
So be warned, July is the month of misfortune.
I hope you all have a fantastic July. I hope you come through the month of misfortune without a scratch.