Saturday, June 10, 2006

Come On England...

The World Cup kicked of yesterday. I don't mind a bit of Footie (as you'll probably have noticed) so I won't be one of the many wives/girlfriends spending the next 5 weeks in shops or spa's (although I will admit in nicer weather I may well be found sitting in the sunshine with a glass of cold wine in my hand). I'll watch a few of them and play hostess, I've got the beer fridge (yes we have a beer fridge!) stocked to the brim with cans of Tennents and there will be a steady supply of snacks on the go. The reason I will need to be playing hostess is that I will probably be seeing a great deal more of my friend's husbands than they will over the next month or so as they congregate on my sofa's!

Now obviously Scotland didn't make it to the finals. No great shock there as we've been worse than piss poor in recent times under that German waste of space we used to have in charge.

England, the only home nation in the tournament, kick off their campaign today with their first game against Paraguay. Now there's been much hoo ha in the press about whether or not us Scots should be backing England in this tournament. It's going as far as things being said that if we don't then we're racist...and this is coming from so called respected journalists and media. Let me make my position clear on this. England are the only representatives from Great Britain. They are our neighbours. In the Olympics we compete with them under one flag. So we should remember we are all one nation and we should back them all the way. AYE RIGHT.

I am sorry but there is no way on this earth I will be supporting England through this tournament. There is a reason why they are called the Auld Enemy. Hundreds of years of history tells us what they are. However history lessons aside the reason I will never back England is a simple one and here it is...The Media. Everywhere you look it's "Come On England" In the 2 weeks before this WC kicked off every one of the 5 terrestrial channels in this country showed a programme about Englands WC win in 1966. Two of them went as far as re-running the entire match.

There are George Crosses everywhere you look on TV. Statements of "England Expects" have been spelled out on the side of lorries, on the decks of Royal Navy Warships and are being dragged behind planes on banners. We have had programmes which followed the England teams coach journey to the airport, we've had hour long documentaries on Sven, on Beckham, on Gerrard and don't even get me started on that fucking metatarsal of Rooney's. I mean it was bad enough last time that the newspapers ran a picture of Beckhams foot (which was a lovely foot!) asking us all to touch it and wish him luck but to show us Rooney's this time and ask us all to touch it while sending healing powers to him and to pray for his recovery?? Fuck off.

We've got Crazy Fuckin Frog releasing an England WC cup song along with ones from Embrace, Tony Christie and re-releases of Three Lions. There was a programme about the company that make the Strips for England and how special they are. One about Diego Maradona and his hand of god and how England would surely have won it if not for that cheating incident. Every other advert is for a product related to England...Beckham having a shave, Gerrard kicking a can of Pringles about (although I don't mind that one as it also features Italy's Totti...yum!) Owen running round a supermarket. We've even been told how much electricity will be used during England games as we all turn on our TV's...on and on it goes.

There is also the fact that their supporters (albeit the small minority) are about as welcome in Europe as Mad Cow Disease was. No doubt they will shame themselves again (in fact 5 of them were arrested last night) with their behaviour. Will they be referred to as English fans by the darling media? No, they will be referred to as British Football Hooligans. You see they're all English when it's going well and ramming it down our throats but one whiff of bother and they all become Brits. Another reason to leave them to fuck alone. The world knows the Tartan Army are among the most welcome in the world and have a fantastic reputation abroad. England can only wish the same could be said of them.

Now the thing is that even if Scotland, Wales, Nothern Ireland were all there too it would be the same. England would dominate everything because the media can't help themselves. We are forever hearing of their Ashes triumph, their Rugby WC triumph (oh did you know that England can become double world cup holders? Did you know it would be the first time a nation has held both these trophies at once? No? I fucking did cause they said so on TV) and that fucking day in '66 which was 40 years ago, that's 10 WC's ago! Can you imagine what life will be like for the 16 million of us in the UK who are not English if they win this?? We will never, ever hear the end of it.

So I will not be supporting them. Today I will support Paraguay, on Thursday it will be T&T and a week on Tuesday it will be Sweden. Sooner they are out the better. The country can get back to normal and we can enjoy the rest of the competition without all the "how great are we" shit. My preference is that they go out in the group stages. I can't see it though so penalties against Germany or Argentina (both of whom they are likely to face in the later stages) would suit just as well.

England opponents aside I will be backing my usual 4 teams (I can't narrow it down any further!) Portugal (cause we have Portugese players at Hearts!), Czech Republic (likewise!), Brazil (no football fan needs a reason to back them!) and Spain (nice strips and Raul who is gorgeous!).

So Come On England? I think not. I'll just have to be a racist for a while.

Jenny xx

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