Here's a few jokes I have heard over the last few days....
A man phones his doctors surgery to get his wife’s test results.
“I’m sorry” Says the receptionist “but I’m not sure I can give you them, you see we appear to have another patient with the same name and date of birth as your wife, I can’t be sure who’s results are who’s and since one is for an aids test and the other for alzheimers I’d hate to mix them up”
“jesus” says the husband “What are we going to do?”
“Well there is something that can be done” the receptionist tells him.
“What?” asks the husband.
“Send your wife out for a walk…and if she comes back don’t shag her!!”
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well," Says the man "Your family aren't you? after all I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
Och well...on with another day...