I'm just back from a funeral. It was the usual affair. Hymns, readings, someone who didn't know the deceased from Adam speaking about him as if he knew him well and not quite getting it right. Most funerals are the same. We all say "It was a nice service" don't we? More often than not though we don't mean it.
Today's funeral has got me thinking....always dangerous, but more so when death is involved!!
I've realised my funeral will be my last chance to make my mark on this earth. I have toyed with this idea before but now my mind is made up...and I'm doing it my way!!
So here it is...
Firstly, I'm having a theme - Wizard of Oz
No hearses - Horse drawn carriage, eastend style!
Black glossy coffin trimmed in silver specially made with two feet sticking out the bottom wearing ruby slippers!
Aisle should be paved with Yellow Brick (ok fake it have you have to!!)
Dwarves to be hired in to act as munchkins.
Actresses to be hired in as wailing mourners - dressed in black and looking anguished - must wear veils!!
As I am removed from the church to my burial site I want "ding dong the witch is dead" to be played
When I am finally being placed in my hole in the ground, I want a puff of smoke (green preferably!) and a voice recording of me saying "I'll get you my pretty, you and your little dog!"
Then when it's time to fill me in...don't throw a handful of mud. Instead a few drops of holy water.
When the holy water hits my coffin I want the voice recording to say "I'm melting, I'm melting!"
If you really feel you can't do Wizard of Oz, come as your favourite disney character - I would like at least one Buzz Lightyear and a Sherrif Woody!!
Afterwards...a party, fancy dress of course! A disco, buffet and drink! I'll arrange to leave behind a few prizes for a raffle!
So there you have it...my funeral! My last chance to be me! Should be a good laugh.
Of course...It may just end up as hymns, readings and someone who didn't know me talking about me as if they did but hey what do I care? I won't be around to see it!!!!!!!