New Is Not Always Better...

As I have discovered since I got my new bed.

For some insane reason Geoff has felt the need to begin snoring like a pig all night since the bloody new bed arrived, something which he normally only done after a few beers. Of course because the bloody thing is now 6ft wide instead of 4ft wide I can barely reach him to nudge him or kick him to get him to stop! So I spent the first night of having my new bed...on the sofa downstairs while he snored the night away.

The following night I made a decision to go to bed before him so I could be asleep before he got into snoring mode...this worked a treat but I must have been lying funny in bed and woke up with a bloody sore neck in the morning.

I can honestly say I don't feel like I've had a decent nights sleep since I got that bed! However, it looks fantastic and I love the bed linen so as I would with a pair of shoes that hurt my feet, I will persevere with it until I get there!

Jenny xx

I'm Going To Bed...

Finally, over 3 weeks since I forked out £800 my bed has arrived!

I've been sleeping on my old mattress on the floor for the last 10 days becuase the bed was due to arrive 10 days ago but the salesman fucked the order up. Well he didn't exactly fuck it up becuase you can only fuck up something you've done and given he didn't actually order it (he forgot!!) he didn't so much fuck it up as just not do anything at all....

I digress though. So it arrived today and it's fantastic and I'm well pleased and I can't wait to try it out so why I'm sitting here writing this at 11.50pm when I could be in my new bed with it's egyptian cotton sheets and goose down quilt is beyond me.

I will therefore bid you goodnight!

Jenny xx

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus...

My wee friend Ross has often commented on the fact that women are hard work, especially because of the way we tend not to be directly honest or say what we mean and because we ask questions but don't want to hear a truthful answer....Mmmmm...I suppose he may have a point in some respects.....the classic example being "does my bum look big in this?"....I mean there is no right answer to that is there? If he says yes, we sulk and if he says no and we know he's lying, we sulk!

However while I agree us girls can be a bit complicated we are pretty easy to understand once you get the hang of deciphering what we really mean when we say something. It's just a case of reading between the lines...

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = If you do I’ll kill you!
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = I am very upset.
10. You can go out with your mates if you want = I will sulk for days now.
11. It was reduced in the sale = It cost a fortune
12. I’m going to make a quick phone call = I’ll be on the phone for hours.
13. I’m going for a chat with the girls = I’m going to tell them what you did
14. I won’t tell anyone = I’ll tell everyone I meet
15. My period is due = Annoy me today and I’ll slit your throat.
16. I’m washing my hair = I’d rather die than go out with you
17. I won’t be long = I’ll be gone for hours
18. My friend just got engaged = Why haven’t you asked me yet?
19. I’m going on a diet = You think I’m fat
20. Your friends seem nice = We will never socialise with them again
21. I have nothing to wear = I have nothing that fits
22. I love roses = Buy me a bunch you bastard
23. Are we going out tonight? = I will need to buy a new outfit and shoes
24. Do you like my friends? = Do you fancy my friends?
25. Are you coming to bed now? = I want sex. It’s now or never.

Seems fairly straight forward to me! In any event having given it some thought men seem to be no better...

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. No = No
2. Yes = Yes
3. Maybe = Maybe
4. I am hungry = I am hungry
5. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
6. I am tired = I am tired
7. Nice top = Nice cleavage!
8. I love you = I’d like to have sex with you
9. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
10. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
12. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
13. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
14. Your Sister seems nice = I’d shag her as well
15. I’ll be back for dinner = I’ll be home at closing time
16. I’m sorry = I’m horny
17. Of course I didn’t forget your birthday = Oh shit I forgot your birthday
18. You look lovely = I’d like to have sex with you
19. What time will you be home? = I want to watch my porno.
20. I’ve been invited to a mates stag night = I’m going to see strippers
21. I bought you some underwear = I want sex
22. I’m working late = I’m shagging someone from work
23. I’ll go and get the shopping = Oh shit your Mum’s coming round
24. I’m not that hungry = Your cooking is crap so I had a McDonalds earlier
25. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay

So in conclusion then it seems men should try and avoid having a woman say "I'm sorry" to him if he wishes to avoid trouble and women need to always be aware that if a man says "you look lovely" and we respond positively to the comment we may well hear the patter of tiny feet in 9 months time.

Jenny xx

It's A Minefield....

Romance. Love. Companionship. Togetherness. We all like a bit of that eh? It's tricky though.
How do you decide on the right partner? How do you know you're compatible? How do you find Mr or Miss Right?

More and more single people are turning to dating agencies and personal ad's in lonely hearts columns to find romance. It may well be an effective way to meet someone but it is not without it's pitfall's. Many a person has come a cropper by misinterpreting what they read in the personal ad's. So to help any of you singletons out there looking for love here's my guide to help you make the right choice...

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
20-ish...............................29
30-ish................................39
40-ish.................................49
Adventurous....................Slept with everyone.
Athletic...............................No breasts.
Average looking........................Ugly.
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
Blonde............................Serial peroxide user.
Bubbly.................................Irritating.
Buxom.................................Breasts hanging round waist.
Colourful.............................Wears too much make up.
Cuddly.................................Cellulite.
Emotionally Secure....................Taking Valium.
Enjoys Socialising..........................Has a drink problem.
Family Orientated...........................See's her Mum everyday.
Feminist..............................Has been dumped.
Free spirit............................Exhibitionist.
Friendly.................................Will try and shag your mates.
Friendship first.......................Former slut.
Fun Loving...............................Up for threesomes and swinging.
Large Frame.............................Obese.
Likes Animals.............................Has loads of stuffed toys on the bed.
Likes Children.................................Desperate for a baby.
Likes Pubs.............................Chronic Karaoke queen.
Likes Eating Out.......................Wants you to pay.
Likes Photography.......................Likes porn.
New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned..........................No BJs.
Open-minded............................Desperate.
Open To New Ideas...................Closet Dyke.
Outgoing.....................................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional...........................Bitch.
Single Mother..........................Bitter / Needs a babysitter.
Voluptuous.............................Overweight.
Wants Soul mate........................Stalker.
Widow...............................Can't cope alone.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.................................50-ish.
Adventurous....................Likes sex anywhere.
Athletic...............................Small beer belly.
Average looking........................Ugly.
Cuddly..........................................Fat.
Enjoys Socialising........................Will try and shag your mates.
Family Orientated.......................Will try and shag your Sister/Mum.
Free Spirit..................................Scared of commitment.
Friendly......................................Will try and shag your mates.
Friendship first.......................Gagging for it.
Funny..............................................Lonely.
Fun Loving...................................Makes a fool of himself when drunk.
Handsome....................................Vain.
Happy Go Lucky.........................Unreliable.
Large frame............................Huge beer belly.
Likes Books....................................Likes Porn.
Likes Children................................Has loads all over the place.
Likes Cinema..................................Likes Porn.
Likes Photography.........................Likes Porn.
Likes Pubs......................................Spends hours there.
Likes Sport.....................................Is out every Saturday.
Looking for soul mate............................Will take anyone.
New-Age.........................................Believes in open relationships.
Old-fashioned..............................Wants you bare foot in the kitchen.
Open-minded.................................Desperate.
Open to new ideas.............................Fancies trying group sex.
Outgoing...............................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional...........................Work Comes first
Solvent........................................Boastful.
Sporty..........................................Watches anything.
Widower...................................Can’t cook, clean, iron, use washing machine.

Happy hunting!

Oh by the way just so you know...I am a 20-ish, average looking, cuddly, voluptous female who would like friendship first, likes photography and is outgoing!!!!!!!!!!

Jenny xx

And There's More...

1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it!

2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself

.11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it"

13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."
"How's that .. "Don't you start.

Anyone else agree that I've got too much time on my hands???

Jenny xx

Just For Laughs...

Three little ducks go into a Bar...
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.
He turned to the second duck,
"Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey!?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," said the third duck, batting its eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles!!

I was feeling a bit lonely so I decided life would be more fun if I had a pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, I finally decided on a Centipede which came in a little glass case to use for his house. I tookhim back home, found a good location for it, and decided I would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.

So, I asked the centipede in the box:
"Would you like to go down the Fox and Hounds with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer.

This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him again: "How about going to the pub for a drink?"
But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet. So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

I decided to ask him one more time; this time putting my face up against the centipede's house and shouting: "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Fox and Hounds and have a drink with me?" A little voice came out of the box: I heard you the first time! I'm putting my F***ing shoes on!

Jenny xx

To My Wheelie Bin Mate...

This will mean nothing if you are not my wheelie bin mate so apologies!

I know you pop on here from time to time.

I'm glad we've put it all behind us and I'm glad we will once more be in a position to make the wheelie bins (and other unmentionable items in the street for that matter) tremble with fear when we come past!

Here's to many more years of drunken stupidity and following day conversations that include the line "I can't believe I did that!"

Your a royal pain in the ass at times and I'm a right cow when it suits me but we've shared so much over the years including wheelie bin walking, baring our body parts, scareing our other friends into staining their good rugs with red wine, driving honda's...well obviously you can drive them and I can't cause they've got gears!, finding the true use for a buggy, farting on street corners, throwing snowballs at windows, jumping on my bed while my better half is in it naked, going to parties we weren't invited to and asking the host for our taxi fare...even if it was only my Dad, harrassing taxi drivers into coming for cheese on toast, putting our feet through roofs, spider hunting, covering our neighbours in cream and water...this list could get out of hand! Anyway I want you to know that you're worth fighting for...even if it has become clear from writing this that we are just a couple of half wits and that you obviously lead me astray!

I love you lots.

Jenny xx

The Bizarre Week...

This week has been odd. Really bloody odd.

I've been tired, grumpy, adgitated and generally pissed at the world and everything in it.

I've argued with friends, slammed doors, walked out of people's houses, shouted, swore and sulked in my pj's for the last few days.

I've done my ironing, cleaned out cupboards, been borderline obsessive with my use of bleach and moved my furniture round.

I've stamped my feet, threatened violence, lost count of the times I've felt like jumping into my bed and hibernating (stopped from doing so by the fact Geoff is in the room painting it!) and I haven't even looked at a book this week.

All most bizarre for me and I know I'm off colour because I did the ironing voluntarily and not through necessity!

However the mood seems to be going. I've spoken to my friends, sent flowers to the one I walked out on, I've put the bleach bottle down, stopped stamping my feet and shouting and I have no desire to pick up the iron at all!

I don't know what brought the mood on but I'm glad it's going...I have my reputation to consider. Shouting, violent threats, swearing, arguing, foot stamping, slamming doors...all of that is alright but being seen ironing voluntarily? I'd never live it down!

Jenny xx

Work In Progress...

So I bought nice new bedding on my trip to NYC. Then I wondered what the hell is the point inputting it on a bed in a room in need of an overhaul?

So I've decided to re-decorate the room before unveiling my new bedding. First stop was a bed shop. Having slept in the comfort of the one in NY and realising you spend 1/3 of your life asleep I decided we were getting a nice new one. My last bed cost me £99 in the sale so I figured it wouldn't be too much more for a nice new one given the January sales are in full swing. How wrong was I? It was more like £800! Still we got a bit carried away and went for super king size with a fancy mattress that's got body moulded foam and temperature sensors...no fucking need really but you kind of get carried away! Anyway by means of an excuse Geoff has a dodgy back so feels he needs a decent bed! It cracks me up when your buying a bed...all that lying down and bouncing about. The salesman giving it "try this one out...feel free to do what you would normally do in bed to see how it feels for you"...so yes you can re-enact the tossing and turning you do during the night but how do you re-enact your sex life in a shop??? "Right Geoff I'll get on my knees and you get in behind me and we'll jiggle a bit to see if we like this one!!" I think not but how great would it be if someone did it???

Of course along with the bed came new furniture. You can't have a lovely bed and old furniture can you? So one trip to Ikea later and we're sorted. A new carpet was next and we're almost there.

Geoff is in the process of preping the walls for the new paint and redesigning the inside of the built in wardrobe so I can actually fit my clothes into it...well not so much my clothes as my shoes. He tried to shame me last night by leaving piles of my footwear out in view for me to see but it only made me realise I don't own a decent pair of black boots or a pair of sparkly silver heels which quite frankly is shocking.

I also treated myself to a nice canvas of NYC to hang above my bed and next in line is a nice new tv for the bedroom to give it that final touch! I can feel my January blues easing away...funny how spending money can be good therapy eh? I'll leave him to crack on with the work while I potter about here...or maybe I'll head to the shops. The sales are still on and you never know when you'll need good black boots or sparkly silver heels!!

Jenny xx

The Wanderer Returns...

Before I go any further let me once again say Icelandair is the best way to go! Cheaper flights than it's rivals on the route, only minutes delay everytime you fly and a trip to the blue lagoon thrown in for free...oh and if business class isn't full they let you move to the posh seats! Geoff was, as I suspected, totally agog with the landscape in Iceland and he enjoyed his wee jaunt to the Blue Lagoon!

The Blue Lagoon,Iceland, 3pm, Cold, Dark and Strange. Photos just don't do the colour of the water justice.

I've no doubt that this post is going to end up reading like a "100 Things To Do In New York" book but selah as Ross would say. We arrived at 8pm on the Friday and I was instantly in love with my hotel room...massive bed, egyptian cotton sheets, marble bathroom, stereo, tv, comfy chair...almost enough to make you want to stay in! We stayed at the Grand Hyatt which had Grand Central Station on one side and the Chrysler Building (my favourite building in NYC) on the other.

I've been to NYC before but Geoff was a virgin to the city so we did all the usual tourist things. If you've never been before there are a few "must do's" that have to be part of the visit. Firstly the tour buses...there are 4 routes in total during winter but you need only do 2 of them. Uptown loop and downtown loop, the guides are amazing and what they don't tell you about the city isn't worth knowing. You also get a good grip on your bearings doing the tours so within a day you know your upper east side from your midtown...all of which is useful! Best of all they only use up about 5 hours of your trip so they leave plenty time to do the rest of the city.

We had a jaunt up the Empire State...well you have to don't you? I went up at night last time but seeing the view during daylight was a totally different experience. The ticket is good all day so you can do both if you feel the need.

View of Midtown, looking North-East towards Queens in the distance

The view is definitely worth waiting in the queue for...even though it is about 40 minutes long!You go up in the lift to the 8oth floor and then get a second lift up the next 6 floors and emerge on the 86th floor to Manhattan, Jersey, The Bronx, Queens and Brooklyn all sprawled out before you. Apparently on a good clear day you can see for 16 miles.

We took a wander to Times (it's not a square) Square and stolled around reading the news off the neon signs and listening to the many New Yorkers who stand around advertising the various shows that are one in the side streets nearby. It seems there is something for everyone here. Big name musical shows like Evita and Cats, famous plays by Arthur Millar and Tenesse Williams, plays by obsure unknown writers, shows by up and comings in the stand up comedy clubs, debates on issues affecting the world which take place in theatres...these are like shows but there's no script, the audience do all the talking!

Now you know I like my Wizard Of Oz...this is one show I need to see! The untold story of the Withces of Oz. "So much happened before Dorothy dropped in". Now that's a tag line!

One thing about Times (it's not a square) Square is that it's always hooching. The lights are on 24/7 and it's bloody bright but more so it's bloody noisy...there are 2 main roads running right through it and there's a reason there's a cop shop slap bang in the middle of it albeit they're just sitting eating doughnuts! I feel duty bound to advise anyone feeling the need to go to NYC not to book a hotel on Times (it's not a square) Square...you'll get no bloody sleep!!

View of Manhattan from the Hudson (West Side) - eagle eyed readers will note Concorde sitting pretty at the end of one of the piers which houses the air and sea museum...isn't concorde small??!

The one thing that amazed me about NYC last time I went was the people. I'm lucky enough to have visited the States on 7 occasions now and I'll be honest and say that before I had visted the country I was of the opinion...like much of the rest of the worlds population...that the good folks of the USA were all slightly mad, full of their own importance, slightly thicker than average and loud. How untrue these preconceptions turned out to be. The ordinary American people are friendly, polite to a fault, funny, the first to laugh at themselves (shops in NYC are full of t-shirts bearing pictures of George Bush and George W Bush bearing the slogan "Dumb & Dumber"!) and always happy to help or advise you on something and without doubt they do customer service like nowhere else I've been. Speaking of people, the mix of cultures and races that live in the city is truly bizarre. Chinatown with it's masses of oriental people, Harlem where every face (or very near it) is black, the growing Indian Corner with it's vastly expanding population and Little Italy where the Italians set up when they got off the boats generations ago. Best of all though is the smells you get as you go through each of the areas...chinese food, garlic, curry, steaks...all coming from the multitudes of restaurants that seem to be on every corner.

Another thing I love about New York...and I'm going to sound sad here...is the buildings. I like nice buildings. New York has hundreds of them. Low rise old style apartments, 1930's style sky scrapers, 4 storey brownstone townhouses, modern glass and chrome sky scrapers or the grand buildings like the Courthouse and the Public Library...all of them different and with the exception of the buildings thrown up in the 1970's (well it was a shit decade for taste) all of them lovely in their own way.

The large black glass scraper in the middle is Trump Towers, there another 2 exactly like it in the city. The area office in charge of development have told Mr Trump that they want him to start changing the look of his buildings or they won't let him build anymore! The lower rise building to the right of it with the pointed top (you can just about see it) is an apartment block...the penthouse apartment is currently for sale...3 bedrooms and a roof terrace for the bargain price of $80 million!! I'm told it has fantastic views...at $80 million I should bloody well hope so!!

So we spent Saturday doing the bus tours, the Empire State and Times (it's not a square) Square and went to bed exhausted but feeling like we had achieved something! Anyway we needed our sleep because Sunday was shopping day! We headed to the Port Authority bus depot and caught the bus to Woodbury Common outlets which is about 60 minutes away from Manhattan. Again I had already been up here but Geoff doesn't mind a bit of retail therapy now and again and in any event the trip itself is worth going for! The bus heads out of NYC towards the Jersey side and within 20 minutes your in countryside, add another 10 minutes and you are out in the wilds of New Jersey and heading towards the Catskill Mountains...it's beautiful. I would imagine it looks great in summer when all the trees are green and the flowers are out but I like it in winter when there's snow on the hills and icicles hanging everywhere.

After a good 6 hours melting plastic we headed back down to Manhattan with our loot which included a Bose sound dock for the Ipod which was a bargain $299 as opposed to the £299 it costs here! Us British just get ripped off left, right and centre! Of course there are shit loads of shops in NYC. Couture shops, department stores, specialist boutiques. I find NYC a bit more expensive than other areas of the States for shopping but it's still much better value than we get here.

Not that they are bragging or anything! The stores owners were enraged last year when a Japanese store opened which was bigger than Macy's. Not to be outdone they took out some of the office space within the building and made it into retail space...they won back the title of the world's largest store by only 3 inches!! Another fact? Mr Macy, the original owner and founder of the company sold it to Mr & Mrs Schwarz (on the condition the name remained the same) who moved it to its current site. Mr & Mrs Schwarz were killed on their return journey from a trip to Europe in 1912. They were passengers on the Titanic. There is a memorial to the couple on the outside of the building and a medical centre called after them.

Sunday night was spent wandering round Soho and walking up Park Avenue stopping for a good hour in the biggest Virgin shop I've seen and filling a basket with cd's and games from their sale...I don't buy as many cd's as I used to as I like most of us download everything now but both Geoff and I love music and we're from the generation that would spend hours in record shops looking for stuff to buy. It's been so long since I did that so it was bliss to wander for a while raking through the racks of discs and with the average cd costing about £5 it's worth it too! After walking back Uptown (which took about 3 hours!) we were ready for a drink and hit a bar to sit and watch the world go by for an hour or so...a few Vodka/Cranberries later and it was back to the hotel with throbbing feet! Somehow though you don't seem to mind all the walking you can do...try asking me to walk for 3 hours here!

Monday morning was a nice early start. We were up at 5am to get most of our packing done and out on the streets by 7am. NYC is a totally different place from Monday to Friday. For one thing during working hours the population expands like you would not believe. If you think it's busy on Saturday, wait till you see them piling in off the subways on a Monday morning! A great place to do this is at Ground Zero, the old world trade centre site. You can kill two birds with one stone (perhaps kill is not the best word to use when I'm talking about this area) and not only go to the site but there is a subway directly underneath it (it was only minimally damaged by 9/11 and was re-opened wothin 6 days) and you can see all the commuters coming in from outside the city heading to their offices. They all look in a hurry, mobiles phones, laptops, newspapers and coffee in hand. The women in their skirt suits with their trainers on carrying their Gucci/Manolo/Choo heels to change into!

Ground Zero hasn't changed much at all since I was there last March. They have altered the plans for the building which was to replace the Twin Towers. Freedom Tower was to be the biggest building in the world and last March the model version was there to view, it has gone now as fears were raised about building something so high (1886 feet) and the plans have been re-drawn. The main tower will now be 1776 feet high with office space going no higher than the original towers and the remainder being made up by a glass mast which will rise above NYC.

Ground Zero...the building just in shot to the left is one of 5 which were also badly damaged in the attacks. It is, like the others, in the process of being rebuilt. The Iron Cross which was originally a temporary feature in the aftermath of the attacks is now a symbolic part of Manhattan and is illuminated at night. It will be moved when building commences in full but it will not be destroyed and will become part of a display of effects from the disaster.

The one thing that is most surprising about Ground Zero is how small the site actually is when you consider what was originally there. I was never lucky enough to have seen the towers first hand...I flew into New York 4 days after they were destroyed (on the first flight out of Britain when the skies re-opened in the States) on my way to Florida and literally flew over the site. Back then the site was still smouldering and black smoke was still rising high in the air. I've seen all the pictures but actually standing there it is so hard to imagine what they must have looked like. The strange thing being that when you see the skyline of NYC there is a distinctive gap downtown from all angles which you know the towers used to fill. The area is surrounded by a high wire fence and has round the clock security. On the top of the fence is a series of metal plates with the names of the known dead who worked in the towers. There are thousands of names on it. You stand and read over them and automatically your mind brings up the images that you saw on tv and you can't help but imagine what the last moments of these peoples lives were like.

There is another reason why going to Ground Zero is a good idea. There just happens to be a massive department store (Century 21) right across the street which as if by magic is also a discount store and it has everything from tin openers to designer handbags for "much cheapness" as the market traders of Turkey say. Having enjoyed the luxury of goose down and Egyptian cotton bedding for the last few nights I felt a desire to treat myself to some new bedding and promptly bought Egyptian cotton sheets, pillowcases, a goose down throw and mattress filler for a bargain $200 saving myself over $280 in the process and had to buy another suitcase to get them home in!

After a quick stop off to at the hotel to check out we dropped the luggage with the Bell Hop and headed back out for the afternoon. We went for a look around Grand Central Station which was gorgeous and then we decided to wander up 5th Avenue and look in the windows of the fancy stores which never in my wildest dreams could I afford to shop in! Geoff was beyond chuffed to find a big NBA shop and spent ages wandering round it looking at all the stuff and choosing a few bits and pieces. Geoff is a big lad...6ft 3" and about 18 stone but seeing him standing next to life size cut outs of Shaq put things in perspective a bit! Better still seeing his size 10's trying to fill Shaq's size 22 footprint was laughable! Of course it was necessary to buy my son a Miami Heat top like his Dad's! Actually if I'm truthful I'm not sure I could live in the States...Geoff loves his Football here and that's his passion but he also loves American sports and he watches American football (He's a Redskins fan) and Basketball (The Heat) here whenever it's on so I can only imagine what he'd be like if we lived in the US where it never seems to be off! I have promised him our next trip to NYC will coincide with a Heat/Knicks game at Madison Square Garden! Actually he's getting me quite into the basketball so I'd enjoy that but I cannot get my head round the rules of American Football no matter how I try!

After a bit of stolling (and me stopping to get my nails done!) we went for a wander round Tiffany's and gazed in awe at the massive diamonds...I have never felt like such a tramp in my life! I'm there in my jeans and trainers looking at all this bling worth thousands of dollars but I'll tell you something, I may have felt underdressed and may well have looked like I couldn't afford the box never mind the jewellery but it didn't stop the staff from showing me things and encouraging me to try them on. I think they know the tourists come just to be nosy and they play along!

Tiffany & Co...Don't ask for Breakfast because they don't do it!!

Perhaps my favourite thing of this trip though was the thing we did last. Our bus guide recommended a trip to the Rockefeller Centre's Observatory or 30 Rock as locals know it. We wandered back up 6th Avenue and found it...you just look up really and follow the buildings if your lost...and went inside. I had never been here before so it was something new for both of us. It cost $33 for us both to go up and there were no queues, it was straight in the lift and away you go. Before you get to the lift you can browse a gallery showing how the centre was built and read loads of facts about it. There's also a chance to stand on a glass floor which has an optical illusion below it so it looks as though your standing on a steel beam about 60 storeys up during the buildings construction...you know that famous black and white picture of the workers sitting on the steel girder eating lunch high above New York? You do? Good. Well it's a popular mistake that those workers were building the Empire State...actually they were building the Rockefeller Centre and when yo9u stand on the glass floor they are there below you eating lunch! The lift up is great as well. It has a glass roof so you can see right up the lift shaft and how high and how fast you're going...40 seconds to get to floor 72! Aside all that though you go for the view and what a view it is! The view from Empire State is great but you can't see the Empire State building in the skyline when you're up it! You see it from 30 Rock!

The view looking Downtown to the Financial District and the Hudson mouth. Far in the distance is Lady Liberty. You can really see how the Empire dominates the skyline.

Of course you not only get great views of the Empire State but also the rest of New York. The wall around the top is only knee high so it's a bit hairy up there but you are shielded by glass panels of safety glass which surround the edge to stop you falling but even so the fact the wall is so low and you can go right to the edge makes this much scarier than the top of the Empire. Best of all there are 4 observation levels in total. The lowest is indoors and you can sit on the window sills and look down at the streets below then you can go outside and take in the view before getting an escalator up to the next outdoor level and then if you're really brave you can climb the flight of steps to the very top...and it is the very top, you're right there with the mobile phone mast and satellite recievers!

Looking north over Central Park towards Harlem where the sun is shining down!!

View over the Upper West Side with North Bergen in the distance over the river in Jersey...you might just make it out but the deeper brown building to the left of the orangey coloured one on the parimeter of the park is the Dakota Building, it was on the street outside here that John Lennon was shot. Yoko Ono still lives there to this day in the same apartment and directly in front of it in the park is Strawberry Fields the official memorial site to John Lennon. It is 2 acres in size and was originally planted with strawberries but the birds kept destroying them so it is now planted with a species of plant from almost every country in the world. There is a place where fans can leave messages and a meditation spot. Apparently Yoko can see it from her window!

And so after a busy weekend it was time to head to the airport for our flight home. We waved goodbye to Manhattan at 5pm and headed over the bridge to Queens looking back for a last view of the skyline in the setting sun before it was out of sight. We drove through Queens taking in the sights along the way, Shea Stadium and Flushing Meadow and finally arrived at JFK totally knackered, looking forward to getting home but sorry to be leaving!

A quick stop in Iceland to catch the connecting flight to Glasgow and we were back home an hour or so later in the Scottish drizzle. Despite his initial reservations about going Geoff loved New York and he is well up for going back again sometime. Even though I had seen it all before (except 30 Rock) I enjoyed it just as much if not more this time round. It's a great city and given you can get there for a few quid more than a weekend break to somewhere in Europe it's not as expensive as you'd think...if you've not been then you should go and if you need someone to go with I'm always available and as you'll have noticed I listened good to my guides so I can probably do a not bad job of giving you the tour!

Right now though my fingers are numb from typing so I'm away to lie down! Actaully given it's 12.20am I'm going to bed!

Jenny xx

Get Your Coat Love, We're Leaving...

Got the Ipod sorted, Camera is packed, passports, tickets and cash are ready to go...

So apart from the fact the clothes I'm taking are still needing dried and therefore I'm not packed yet...I'm all set.

The pc is being shut down in a few minutes so I can get on with what I should be doing instead of sitting here.

So I'll be off then. Have a great weekend everyone.

"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today, I want to be a part of it New York, New York..."

Jenny xx

Just Because I Can...

Yum...Yum...Yum...Yum...Yum...Yum...Yum...

Mmmm....Mmmm!

Come To Momma...

No Words Needed...

He Can Be My Angel Anytime...

My Favourite Bath Toy!!

Jenny xx

Ps - These pictures are not here in response to my friend Steven's dislike of Robbie and are not intended to come across as a childish tantrum like response from me...even though that is exactly why they're here...Lol!!

Currently Playing...

My music download block has now gone. I'm back in action with thanks to Lee and Steven for the inspiration!

So while I'm downloading I thought I'd let you know what's been playing in the while I've been sitting here tonight...some are oldies and some are new and some are just classics (well at least to me!)

Lisa Stansfield - All Woman & In All The Right Places (Lee if you don't have them - get them!)

Whitney Houston & Deborah Cox - Same Script, Different Cast (One for the girlies!)

Green Day - Holiday (and almost everything else...but this is my current fave!)

Bjork - Big Time Sensuality

The Stranglers - Golden Brown & All Day And All Of The Night

Clint Black & Martina McBride - Still Holding On

Martina McBride - In My Daughters Eyes (play that when I die!!)

Martina McBride & Bob Seger - Chances Are (You can tell I'm liking her a bit-thanks Lee!)

Catatonia - The Ballad Of Tom Jones (Utter class!!)

Meredith Brooks - Bitch

Linkin Park - In The End

Oasis - Lyla & The Importance Of Being Earnest (Manchester's finest back to their best!)

Heart - All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You (singing into the hairbrush loudly!!) & These Dreams

The Kinks - You really Got Me/Lola/All Day And All Of The Night

Inxs - Mystify & Never Tear Us Apart

The Doors - Roadhouse Blues & The Crystal Ship (you just forget how good they are!)

Alice Cooper - Poison

Womack & Womack - Teardrops

Starsailor - Poor Misguided Fool

Robbie Williams - A Place To Crash/Better Man/Hot Fudge/Me & My Monkey/Angels (you americans don't know what you're missing...he's gorgeous and fabulous and you don't want him over there??? Honestly!)

Happy Mondays - Kinky Afro/Step On/Loose Fit

And that's about it from me...

Jenny xx

Help Requested...

My Limewire is sadly lying gathering dust, obviously not literally cause it's a programme on this machine but you know what I mean! Anyhow I'm sitting here with it turned on and I can think of nothing that I want to download. In any event my Ipod is in need of serious updating and as I'm off on my travels again in 3 days (3 days!!!!!) I need to get it sorted out!

So as I like this page to be a bit interactive I think it's about time you lot started helping me out. Tell me what you're listening to, what you recommend or what your favourite songs are (no matter how embarrassing!!).

My collection houses artists from The Killers and Green Day (my 2 current bestest bands) to Barry Manilow and Frank Sinatra with just about anything in between and holds such tracks as Depeche Mode's Enjoy The Silence and Radiohead's Creep right through to Joe Dolce's Shaddup Ya Face and Boney M's Rivers Of Babylon (which is one of my favourites so no laughing!!) so you can see my taste is wide and varied....

So help me and save my fellow passengers on the plane on Friday from hearing me sing "Angelo" (Ross you know I would do that!!) or whistling along to the Birdie Song!

Jenny xx

Groan...

Well here we are then 2006 has arrived.

I got home at about 5am this morning...slightly merry! Fell asleep at about 6am and woke up at 9.30am feeling far too full of life given the amount of vodka I had last night (and this morning!).

A quick wash...well I had to get last nights make up off...and a new set of clothes and I was back out to the club again for 12.45 to settle in to watch the New Years Day Footie match between Hearts and Celtic.

The club is normally closed on New Years Day but was opened specially for the occasion and it was packed...mostly with the same faces that had been there 12 hours earlier...I think most of them were still a bit pissed!

8 minutes into the game and Hearts are leading 2-0. The place is erupting and everyone is feeling just fine. 82 minutes later and the place was like a morgue. We got beat 3-2. Mainly due to some dodgy refereeing and the fact we were playing a bunch of cheating bastards. Despite our heartache though we carried on heading to the bar....I was on juice as I'd nominated myself as driver today!

I'm now home again and having a quiet night in. Well as quiet as it can be when you've got 4 kids running riot upstairs...I also nominated myself babysitter for today! Better Half has consummed his annual Lager quota in 24 hours and is now crashed out on the sofa snoring like a pig.

I wonder if this is a sign of things to come in 2006?!

Jenny xx

Happy New Year...

So it's the end of 2005...I'm pleased to say it turned out to be a much better year for me than 2004 was...all remaining members of family made it through...touch wood though cause there's still a few hours to go!! On a personal level it was a fairly uneventful year...no weddings, births or dramatic changes. Just what we needed after the chaos, changes, craziness and sheer horribleness of the year before.

Last Hogmanay (New Year's Eve, Old Year's Night...whatever you call it) I couldn't wait for the bells to kick 2004 into the past forever...I spent a quiet night with Better Half (who has a name by the way....Geoff!) and a couple of good friends and raised a glass to the end of a shit year!!

This time I'm going out to see in the New Year...with gracious thanks to my Sister who is having the kids to stay with her tonight and my Sister's Ex-Husband who is actually doing the babysitting!! So we're spending the New Year at the club with my Mum (who has just told me she's got a sore back but feels she has to go out anyway because the one year my Dad didn't was the year he died and she doesn't want to tempt fate!!...see what I have to put up with!!!) and friends. We get a great view of the Fireworks at the castle from the club and everyone stands round to watch. There's no place like Edinburgh for Hogmanay...and no race in the world that does New Year like us Scots...everyone should be here at least once in their lifetime to try it!

I'm a bit concerned that going out inevitably means you need to go home agian and this means you end up being your own First Foot...when in fact it should be a tall, dark haired man carrying a lump of coal and /or shortbread and a dram...please tell me I'm not going to have to explain what First Footing is...yes Lee I'm talking to you!!...However I may go and knock up a neighbour to come and do it for us!

The house is tidy...another Hogmanay tradition, out with the old and in with the new...superstition has it that if your home is dirty on Hogmanay it will be dirty all year...and there's a drink in the house for anyone that wants one...another tradition...you need to have an open door for the New Year and offer anyone who comes knocking a drink!

So I best get going...I've only got 4 hours till I'm leaving and you men all know how long it takes us girls to get ready!!

Before I part though I'll leave you with the words (at least the ones we all know and not the 2 verses in between!!) that everyone will have on their lips at about 12.05am....

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o' auld lang syne

And for auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne,

And there's a hand, my trusty freen!
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak a right guid willy waught,
For auld lang syne.

And for those who don't speak in Scots tongue here's the English translation...

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And days of old long past.

And for old long past, my dear
For old long past,
We will take a cup of kindness yet,
For old long past,

And there is a hand, my trusty friend!
And give me a hand of yours!
And we will take a right good-will drink,
For old long past.

So raise a glass at midnight and think of friends and family absent and those who are no longer here to see another New Year...and then look forward to 2006 and all it has in store, I hope it is full of wealth, health and happiness for you all, especially Steven & Steph and Lee, Jordan, Raeannyn & Angelina whom I can't offer a drink too or give a kiss and a wish of a good new year to in person!

A guid New Year tae aw' o' ye, aw the best when it comes...

Jenny xx

In Reply...

I've had an intresting comment from Maxz which you can read under the Only 9 Days To Go post I put on here a few days ago.

I agree whole-heartedly that Christmas should be about more than the presents but that would be in an ideal world and we all know damn fine we don't live in one of those...if we did we wouldn't be having this discussion would we?

I love the Christmas story. Mary, Joe, Baby Jesus, the donkey, the wise men, angels and kings...it's a universal tale we all know well but I am not religious. The faith I did have that there was a higher being was tarnished when I saw a family suffer the devastation of watching their Mum die slowly of cancer...a good, kind, religious woman, who held her faith in Christ up like a beacon for others to see. My faith was crushed when I lost my Daddy...a big, brave, funny, loving man with everything to live for who was stolen with no warning. My faith was wiped clean away when I stood by a graveside watching a young couple bury their first born child, a new, innocent life who had done nothing to deserve being taken. So I no longer bow my head when asked to pray to God/Jesus. I no longer believe he loves and protects me. I now prefer instead to believe in Guardian Angels who guide us through life, who help us enjoy the good times and pull us through the bad.

I hold no grudge or issue with anyone who believes anything different from me...each to their own. Lee has her faith and it works for her...I may not share it but I'm glad she has something that she can hold on to.

Maxz made the point that he was disturbed about the amount of gifts that landed in my home at Christmas, that I may be better off sharing my "excesses" with others around me, that maybe my priorities are wrong and I am spoiling my kids. Fair comment. I know there are areas of the world with devastating poverty and that South Africa is one such place which does have problems of this kind but I live in Scotland...a part of the 3rd richest country in the world and I know damn fine that what appeared as gifts in my home on 25th December was pretty much what appeared in houses all over Scotland (and the rest of the UK) on the same day. You only have to look at the news to know that...Scots spent £13 million pounds in the week running up to Christmas.

I make no apology to anyone for spoiling my kids at Christmas. I work to afford it and every item was bought and paid for. My kids are a blessing. I count myself lucky to have been given both of them and I take my job of Mum very seriously. My kids get what I can give them but they also know the value of what they get...they have rules and if during the year they want something they know they need to earn it. They have manners, they know they need to respect their elders, I explain how lucky they are while we watch news pictures of others less fortunate, I make sure they know the world doesn't owe them a living and I make damn sure that when they don't want to finish a meal they know others are dying of hunger. I get so much joy and laughter out of my kids...and if I spoil them at Christmas then so be it! Show me a parent who doesn't or who wouldn't if they had the means??

I alone cannot change the mass poverty in the world. If I could I would. My giving my kids one present each at Christmas will not change the world. As for donating my "excesses" to others less fortunate in my neighbourhood...like I said I live in Scotland...in a small village, full of middle class homes, with neat gardens and well kept homes, where almost every home has 2 cars in the drive so I can't see that they'd need a food parcel from me! Don't get me wrong...we have poor people in Scotland...that's the reason I donate to charity, but we also have a whole host of people who are poor through choice. Women in their 30's who have never had a job....not because they can't get one but because they are happy living off the state with numerous children they can't afford to keep running around their feet. Men who are happy to let others keep them while they father children left, right and centre...do they deserve my pity and my help? In any event they get it because people like me and every other working person in the land who pays tax is paying to keep them anyway.

I'm not perfect...none of us are but I do my bit for others...only I choose who, when and where to give my help. I do not see sending gifts to Lee and her kids as charity or help, I do not look at it as sharing my excesses...she doesn't need either...she is richer than most in a way material minded people will never understand. I sent gifts to put a smile on the faces of 3 kids who have taken a few knocks this year to let them know they have friends in other places who were thinking about them. I sent Lee a gift to let her know the same, to hopefully put a smile back on her face and let her know she has a friend way over here with an open door and an open mind...if she needs it. Lee is trying to make a better life for herself and her kids and that is to be commended...the power of the internet is that it allows you to "meet" people you never would in normal life...as far as I'm concerned she is my neighbour and yes I gave them gifts too!

So while some may believe Christmas should be about a little gift each and sharing excesses and others think it should be about Christ...I believe it is all about family and friends...extended or otherwise. After all the story is about the birth of a new family member. So I'll keep spoiling mine at Christmas and any other damn time I feel like it without guilt over the rest of the world.

I have only one fear in life and that is regret...

I will enjoy what I have while I can...spoiling my kids, travelling, buying too many shoes, eating too much. For who knows when it will all come to an end? I may wake up tomorrow with nothing...or I may not wake up tomorrow at all.

Jenny xx

Only 9 More Days...

Till I go to New York.

I'm excited.

I can't wait.

I think I'm going to pee my pants.

Jenny xx

Christmas...It's Over!

So Santa appeared in our house on Saturday night/Sunday morning and he must have had one massive sleigh with him.

Here's how my lounge looked at approximately 1am on Sunday morning...

Please accept my apologies if Santa didn't make it to your house but I have a feeling there would have been little room on the sleigh for anything else and anyway Santa very probably put his back out carrying this little lot in!

It took the kids (4 of them) 2 hours to open this little lot...they were up late though rising at 6am instead of 5am which was a bonus!

I am now coping with the aftermath of Santa's visit trying to find places in their (already bursting) bedrooms for all this stuff. All I have done today is open bloody boxes and untie plastic wires...why do they feel the need to secure the toys with so much damn plastic wire anyway? I now have so much cardboard outside that I could build a homeless person a mansion...with a granny flat!

One good thng to come out of this is the fact that Santa will be able to give us a miss next year because between my 2 terrors and my niece and nephew I don't think there's a toy that exsists that they haven't got.

Jenny xx

The Timing Is Never Right...

There is never a good time to lose a loved one. The moment is never right but it is especially hard to lose someone just a few days before Christmas. For the last 2 years I have stood at Gravesides over the festive season and sadly this year will be the same.

One of the regulars at the club, a lovely man named Willie McNair sadly passed away a few days ago. His death is a real shock as he always seemed so full of life...but I know only too well that the grim reaper likes to use the element of surprise. Willie will be sadly missed around the place, he always had a smile for you and a word to say and was involved in so many of the clubs social activities.

So again this year I will be at a funeral over the festivities...it's becoming a tradition in our house and one I'd like to break as fast as possible.

So while I am enjoying the company of freinds and family tomorrow I will be sparing a thought for Willie's wife Ann and his children and grandchildren. All they will want from Santa is the one thing they can't have...I know the feeling as I still only want one thing from Santa myself that I know I can't have.

Jenny xx

Countdown...

The pressies are wrapped, the house is clean, the guest beds are made, the christmas lights are on and darkness is coming fast. I'm ready for Santa to arrive. It is now 4.03pm and I'm all set.

I'm escaping to work from 6 until 11 tonight and will return home, having made 2 stop off's to collect presents, at about 1am when I will sit down with a glass of wine before playing Santa and getting all the pressies in and placed in the lounge for the morning. I've no idea how the hell I'll get all of them in there, along with the gifts for the 4 of us I also have my Mum, Sis, Niece and Nephew coming to stay over tonight so I need to find room for all their gifts too! To give you a taste of Christmas Chez Mitchell I have a small shed (used normally to house the kids bikes!) full of presents for the kids, about 30 already under the tree and piles more in the car...my Mum has a car full to bring with her and I've to pick up more after work and my Wee Sis will also have a car full! I live in a modestly sized 3 bedroom semi so this could get totally out of control!

Tradition dictates that we will be up at about 5am with the (very excited) kids and the present opening will commence! This will take a couple of hours and then it'll be breakfast for 8 followed by a mass fight for the bathroom to get ready to head out for lunch at 12! As we're travelling into Edinburgh (about 6 miles away) I'll be driving so I can't even have a bloody drink to help cope with the stress!

However when we get home again about 5pm I will be opening a bottle of something and making the most of the festive season before falling into bed late tomorrow night exhausted but happy!

So here's to a house full of roboraptors, nintendo ds's, ipods, dolls, ps2 games, cd's, King Kong's, Bratz dolls, scooby doo's and various other creatures, noise, nonsense and laughter - which is just as it should be!

Whatever you are doing I hope you have a great, safe, happy, love filled Christmas!

Jenny xx

Language Barriers...

I've now had 4 E-mails and a comment from Lena about Fairytale Of New York which I stated was my favourite Christmas song. All of them are along similar lines...they either can't understand the lyrics or can't make them out!! God love Shane McGowan eh? I'm not too concerned about this, I'm more concerned that 5 people I know have never heard the song before!!

So to put you all out your misery...here's the words!

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song "The Rare Old Mountain Dew"
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on the lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me Broadway was waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day

So now you know!

Jenny xx

Food Shopping...

I'm going to Marks and Spencer tomorrow to do my crimbo food shop. The fact that I'm doing this means I am clinically insane and should be sectioned for my own good with immediate effect.

Marks and Spencer food hall with only 2 days before Santa comes?? Last year I witnessed a fight, and I do mean a fight, between 2 middle aged respectable women over a ready to roast turkey crown and another between 2 younger women over a packet of ready prepared vegetables.

Why I'm putting myself through this is beyond me given that I'm going out for Christmas lunch and therefore do not need anything but that dread that someone will appear on my doorstep for a visit and I'll be all out of dips and nuts is enough to send my scuttling off to do battle. So I'll put on several layers of clothing and my boots and brave the elements of M&S - it's not going to be cold but the layers will help stop me getting bruises from other rabid women shoving me out the way and the boots will protect my ankles from trolley rage!

I'm feeling a bit better now than I was earlier this week...I'm not fighting fit but if anyone dares argue with me over the last packet of pretzels I'll be strong enough to hold my own!

I'm off to bed now because I'll need all my strength. Wish me luck.

Jenny xx

Christmas Music...

is playing everywhere.

You can't go in a shop without hearing Noddy Holder screaming out "It's Chriiiiissstmaaas" and I've lost count of the times I've heard Wizzard wishing it was christmas everyday or indeed The Jacksons telling us about Frosty The Snowman's happy disposition.

Don't get me wrong I don't mind a bit of Christmas music but when it's been on repeat everywhere since 1st november it does start to piss you off ever so slightly!

Still there are a couple of Christmas tunes I don't mind hearing again and again. One being Wham's Last Christmas which always brings back memories of my primary 6 school disco and the boy who bought me the single for Christmas and the orignal (and definitely the best) version of Do They Know It's Christmas.

Then of course there is the best Christmas song ever written which I will never ever get fed up hearing and which would make it into my top ten favourite songs of all time and that is the fantastic Fairytale of New York which still gives me goosebumps everytime I hear it.

It is the most amazing piece of storytelling and if you've never heard it (how fucking sad would you need to be not to have heard it?) then go and find it on itunes or similar and listen to it right now.

Jenny xx

How's That?

So I blog saying I need to Pee and it says it published at 2.41...and I go to Pee and then blog about the nativity and it says it published at 2.43!

Christ I know I'm good but Peeing, returning and typing that in 2 minutes??

I am better than I thought!

Jenny xx

Awww!!

I've just returned from the school where I was watching 5 year old and his classmates perform their Nativity - which was cleverly told from a sheep's point of view - and shockingly seen Mary & Joe get only small parts!

The hall was packed with parents, all with camcorders and digital cameras ready to catch the action for prosperity...or more likely for the sole purpose of embarrasing their offspring in their teenage years...or is it just me that thinks like that?

Anyway along came a bright star and behind it the wise men and onto the stage strolled my very own wise man complete with gown, crown and big cheesy grin.

I had reservations about how 5 year old would cope with the spotlight...my reason being that during the main school concert which was earlier this week, 5 year old was spotted picking his nose and counting the light fittings rather than singing! I'm pleased to say there was no nose picking today but there was a lot of yawning and the crown was getting swung around good style during the finale!

They were all really cute given most of them are still only 4 years old and they did the job well. I'm lucky because my kids go to a fantastic school. They encourage the kids to try different things and put a lot of emphasis on the fact that school should be fun...the kids are always doing something or going somewhere. Tomorrow is the last day of term and the school hold a raffle when the kids can win prizes...the kids love it...when 9 year old was 5 year old she walked out of school with about 10 prizes including the doll she had asked Santa for but that Mum couldn't get for love nor money...Result!

Anyway I better go and pamper and praise the Wise Man and after that it straight to bed for him as he's obviously tired!

Jenny xx

Oh For The Love...

Why is it that everytime I sit here ready to blog I immediately need to pee?

I'll be back.

Jenny xx

Oops...

I went out today and braved the shops. Technically I'm done shopping but my head isn't so in turn that makes my body want to keep shopping until the doors close on Christmas Eve.

Off I went as my head (it's a weapon of mass destruction!) had decided it wanted to get Better Half one more thing. Being female (!!!) my car is running a bit low on petrol (which is girl speak for the red light has been on for about 30 miles!) so I decided to take Better Half's car as he is male and therefore always has petrol in his car...I knew men were useful for something.

So I get to the shop, make my purchase - actually I need to correct that - I made several purchases, it's not just my head that runs away with me, I think my eyes have problems to...they see things and my body instantly picks them up...I may need to seek help for this in the New Year especially when the credit card bill arrives! Anyway I digress, so I complete my transaction and head back to the car...slightly concerned for a split second because the car park is hooching (extremely busy for those of you not from Scotland) and I can't remember where I parked. I find it and decide to head to another shop for another random item my head has just told me to buy.

I get to the shop and start looking for a parking space. It's like wacky races, or musical parking with all the drivers spotting a space and seeing who can get in it first..."right the music has stopped find a bloody space or your out" style. Several minutes tick by and I'm going round in circles getting ever more annoyed by the lack of spaces and the amount of old women in Micra's fannying about taking 7 attempts to get in and out of various spaces and holding everyone up...then I spot one...I see ahead of me a lovely empty space...and it's calling my name! I head for it and swing the car round to enter the space and...Bump.

Oops! I only go and hit the bloody car parked in the space next door. I don't hear smashing or a major bang but I feel a shudder and know I've hit it. I get the car in the space and swallow the lump in my throat and get out to have a look...I'm greeted with a nice scrape on the corner of the front bumper...I glance at the other car...luckily the driver is not in it and there's no-one else around...it seems ok, no marks to be seen on it...so I do what all good drivers do in these occasions...I get back in the car and drive away...only as far as another space though...I had shopping to do!

So I complete my shopping...looking behind me all the time in case someone saw what I did and they're coming to get me...and head back to the car. Some need a stiff drink when they have a bump, some have a fag to calm their beating hearts, I needed the "kerching" of the till...I pull out a tissue and give the car a rub...thankfully the scrape is superficial and most of it rubs away...oh but deep joy because while I rub off the superficial scrape marks I also rub off a scratch in the paint and I'm now left with a nice white mark where the paint has come off...it is at this point I start feeling a bit sick...not because I've damaged the car but because I've damaged HIS car and he is going to kill me. I am dead and no mistake. I toy with taking it to a garage to be repaired but know in my heart that even if I bought a fucking exact copy of HIS car he'd know it was different. He'd spot a repair a mile away using his Man Radar or whatever it is he has that means he knows when I'm up to no good...I am panicking by this time.

I should confess that my fear is down to the fact that I once crashed his (brand new) car and caused over £1000 of damage...to be fair though it was snowing...anyway he went off on one big time and I was barred from driving his car for months!

However I am a big girl now and I can take it on the chin so I decide to confess what I've done...so I phone him (well I wasn't going to tell him to his face!) and I swear to god the conversation goes like this...

Me - "Hello, How's you? Do you still love me ?"
Him - "What have you done to my car?"

Fucking man radar I'm telling you!!!

So I tell the tale and hold my hands up to my crime and guess what? He doesn't even bother that much...well he calls me an arse but there's no shouting, swearing, screaming...I'm stunned!
All my worrying was for nothing!

Of course it turns out that he's not that fussed because the front bumper needs to be replaced anyway because HE hit an animal and caused £750 worth of damage to the car!

So I am relieved and he is cool about it. Phew...although he has barred me from using his car again...so I sent him for petrol for mine!

Jenny xx

Something Is Coming...

And sadly it's not Patrick McGuiness in my bed.

I feel like shit. My head hurts, my bones are aching and my nose is altering from runny to stuffed up with alarming speed.

I could happily have hibernated in bed this morning but my Better Half's brother was coming today for a flying visit with my 1 year old niece and as we don't see nearly enough of her (or him) I made the effort to drag my butt from my bed. Once I had made the decision to get up and dressed I couldn''t be bothered going back to bed and have spent the day reading the sunday papers and watching t.v although I will confess to lying on the sofa fast asleep while Better Half watched Chelsea and Arsenal battle it out on Sky.

Personally I blame Ross and Nikki for my current plague. Both have been ill with a similar illness in recent times and obviously felt with this being the season of goodwill to spread the joy around. I am damn sure I will feel worse before I feel any better. Deep joy with Santa due in for milk and cookies in less than a week.

Really I could not have picked a worse week to get ill. The kids have a million and one things on this week - Brownie carol concert, school concerts, Nativity play...and I've still got my food shop and wrapping to do and a couple of shifts at work to fit in yet.

Oh and just to add to my woes, my wisdom tooth is playing up so one side of my mouth is swollen and aching. Yes I know I'm past 30 and shouldn't have issues with wisdom teeth but mine never came through properly and are still trying from time to time to stake their claim for a place in my mouth...

Och well. Not to worry. Luckily I am a female and not a male so I will be able to carry on as normal and get through the week. If I was male I would have had to lie dying in bed until at least Thursday...we all know how serious the man-flu can be.

Jenny xx

The Morning After...

So last night was our Bainfield bar staff night out...

I woke up in my own bed this morning (always a bonus!) feeling surprisingly fresh. This may be because I was only in the early stages of tipsy when I headed home instead of legless drunk, although it wasn't for the lack of trying.

Normal routine dictates that my drinking cycle should start with a few glasses of wine followed by my favoured tipple of Vodka/Lemonade...and if the routine goes to plan I should be beginning to feel no pain by vodka number 4...which is normally obvious by my urge to dance/sing on a karaoke.

However last night as I approached vodka number 5 nothing was happening, so after finishing said vodka I whipped £20 out my purse and sent Ross to the bar for tequila and aftershock shots. I reckoned this would tip the balance. It didn't and so it was onto vodka number 6...I was even more pissed off at the lack of effect when I realised we had been drinking doubles!

Ross proceeded to return the favour by extracting £20 from his wallet and sending me to the bar for more shots...this time we went for a mix and I think I ended up with apple sourz and midouri...there followed another vodka, a cocktail pitcher, another vodka and another cocktail pitcher...and lo and behold I'm still on my feet...shocking.

Despite only making it to giggly rather than legless I still enjoyed the evening. We ended up in a club which in my youth had been a great place to go...it's damn different now but there was a bit of reminiscing by Ross and I...I recalled that the club we were in was where I first developed a love of hip hop and Ross took me to the exact spot (right down to the floor tile) where he first fell in love and the exact spot (again down to the floor tile) where he lost his mind...I can't recall if both happened on the same night...I also got the chance to watch transfixed as Ross decided to test the restaurants "all you can eat" slogan to it's fullest meaning. I feared we might end up there all night...but just as he was pondering over whether he could get a carry out and literally carry out the entire buffet, we managed to escape!

One other bonus of the night was the fact that I came home still wearing my footwear. I normally return home with them in my hand because my feet are aching! Last night I made the really wise decision to wear brand new knee high 3.5 inch heeled boots...I have blisters like you would not believe today but I made it back with them on my feet and I'm damn proud of that achievement...especially as I had bright pink fluffy socks on under them!

Jenny xx

For Lena...

I just read your blog.

I'm an eternal optimist, I like to see the best in people and usually do until gut feeling and instinct tell me different. So I'd like to believe that those who chose to rob you weeks before Christmas and take your kids Christmas gifts from under them did so because they are worse off than you are...my gut feeling though tells me that they are just scum. However, being optimistic I am sure they will get exactly what they deserve at some point...what goes around comes around. Not much comfort to you I know...

I could rattle of here how Christmas is too commericalised anyway and how it should be about love and peace and not what you can afford to give...but sadly the world doesn't work like that. Yeah it can be explained to the kids that there's no money for stuff...and bless them they take it in and tell you it's alright, but any Mum knows that deep inside they are disappointed and it just breaks your heart for them.

When I was a child my parents struggled damn hard to give my Sis and I what was on our list to Santa...my Dad was out of work and Mum working part-time but we got what was on that damn list every year without fail...I still have no bloody idea how they managed it...

I am a very lucky girl and I thank whoever it was that decided I was going to land on my feet. My marriage may have fell round my ears but I met a man, fell in love and got a chance to start again...and I grabbed it with both hands.

There's little someone like me who has been able to get the presents on the list this year can say to you without sounding patronising so I won't even try. I'm not going to tell you it'll all get better...or that you'll meet prince charming.

What I will say though is this...if I could jump on a plane today and come to give you a hug I would. If I could magic up your dream Christmas and give it to you I would. If I could bring all of you across here for the holiday's to share my Turkey I would. If I lived in Indiana and could have adopted your family for the holidays I would and I hope you know I mean it most sincerely and I hope you know that on Christmas day I will raise a glass and hope that no matter what, you and the kids are having a lovely day together.

On a more practical note I have something for you which I want to send to you...but I need an address to send it to.

Jenny xx

Christmas Night Out...

This Sunday is the day of the Bainfield bar staff christmas night out.

We missed out on our christmas jolly last year so we've got a year to make up for...I reckon that means we can drink twice as much then.

Last time round we stayed local and went to a pub near to the club for a meal and a few drinks. The karaoke was on and as usual it was the quiet one we had to watch...Ruth, a normally level headed and sensible sort was on it in a flash singing and strutting her stuff much to the amusement of us all.

Ross and I treated the place to a fine rendition of Frank Sinatra's My Way. Both of us have fine singing voices...well we all think we do when we're a bit pissed eh? After chucking out time we headed for a club and danced for a bit...although not on the dancefloor...

This year it's out for a traditional christmas meal...a chinese, then we're hitting the pubs and clubs of Edinburgh's city centre...so there'll be a fight, an arrest and a trip to casualty before midnight no doubt!

I'm sure it'll all be good fun because all the team get on like a house on fire. Well if you don't count the fact some of us can't stand each other and would rather stick nine inch nails in our eyes that have to sit next to each other at the table! There's only one way to deal with that though...just keep drinking till the room spins and then I won't know where I'm sitting never mind who I'm next to.

Whatever happens I'll be feeling no pain on Monday morning... because I won't be getting out of bed until Monday afternoon.

Jenny xx

Silly Question...

I could find out on t'internet I'm sure but I can't be bothered looking and I know fine you clever people will know the answer (I'm talking about you Stevie boy...cause you know everything!! lol)

Right here goes:

If people from Edinburgh are Edinburgers, Folks like me born in Dundee are Dundonians, Glasgow folks are Glasweigans, Liverpool is full of Liverpudilians, London has Londoners, Manchester is crammed with Mancunians and Newcastle full of geordies...what are people from Cardiff called??? Now I know you'll give me bloody stupid answers like Welsh or Taffy or Stupid but I'm looking for the real answer!!

Better Half was no help he said they were sheep shaggers...but everyone knows they come from Aberdeen!

So what are they called then? Cardiffians, Cardifites, Cardiffonians? Actually what are people from Perth called? Or people from Southampton? Or Brighton? And why do I care?

This is what happens when I let my brian wander...it fills full of silly questions, anyway answers on a postcard to the usual address please!

Jenny xx

It's The Reformation...

Is there a time warp thing happening out there? We've had Duran Duran reform, Wet Wet Wet getting burying that hatchet and making music again, Pink Floyd members getting on like a house on fire, Queen touring with a new frontman, Erasure and Bananarama hitting the chrts again all in recent years and then I opened my newspaper on Sunday and read that hot on the heels of Take That's reformation comes the news that All Saints, Five, Boyzone and The Spice Girls are all reforming...

What next? The 2 remaining Beatles getting back together as a duo for old times sake? Or maybe Gary Glitter securing a new deal and asking us again if we'd like to be in his gang...actually that's about as likely as Michael Jackson developing a taste for old women.

Mind you it's not all bad that these old groups are reforming, Five has a very gorgeous member called Jay whose pretty face I've missed in the last 4 years and at least I'll get some more use out of my Spice Girl platform trainers and union jack dress...

Jenny xx

ps I don't actually have spice girl platform trainers or a union jack dress...I made it up...no honest I did...do you honestly think I'm the sort of sad person who'd have bought these things?...what do you mean yes?

The Big Apple...

Only 4 weeks till better half and I head off to the Big Apple for a few days of fun. I'm really looking forward to it.

I was there in March this year with Mum. It was her birthday treat and the two of us had a great time seeing the sights. Better half has never been before so it'll be fun showing him around. We're going Icelandair so he'll get to see Iceland as well and do the Blue Lagoon trip.

Of course the trip was our present to each other for Christmas and we agreed it was better than buying each other loads of stuff we don't need but as was always going to be the case I am unable to give him nothing to open on the day itself so have decided we'll spend £100 on each other so we'll have a few parcels to open.

I plan on buying him as much rubbish as I can for the money...I know secretly he was hoping for alloy wheels for his car but they went out the window for the New York trip...anyway it's his birthday in March so he might get them then.

Actually who am I kidding...I'll never be able to stop at £100, he'll end up getting the same amount of stuff he always gets from me and I'll be mad because he'll stick to the £100 agreement!

Oh well it's all about the giving eh?

Jenny xx

Nativity Time Draws Near...

Yes it's that time again. The annual school Nativity play is approaching. I our school it's only Primary One pupils who are involved. As 9 year old is now in Primary 5 it's been a few years since I attended the Nativity.

9 year old's was really good although the run up to it being staged wasn't without drama...9 year old (who was at the time 5 year old) was originally cast as an Angel who helped guide the shepherds to the baby Jesus but she was relegated from this role by the teacher for misbehaving during rehearsals and was subsequently given the part of a stable pig! They have pigs and sheep as characters at our school so everyone gets a part! 9 year old was highly unamused by her new role...and so was I because I had to supply the costume which consisted of pink tights and a large pink long sleeved sweater, neither of which I owned and anyway I'd been hoping she'd have been Mary, the starring role...at our school though starring roles are given to the kids who try hard at school and follow the golden rules so 9 year old didn't stand a chance really!

5 year old is in Primary One this year so it's his turn. I was hoping for Joseph but alas it was not to be. 5 year old has got a main part though, he's going to be...deep breath...a wise man!! (I take it all back what I said about the wise men in my earlier post!) I'm kind of chuffed because it means he's doing well at school and I don't have to put him in pink tights!

5 year old is quite excited about it all...9 year old is still fuming about being a pig all those years ago...

On the same note...my 7 year old nephew Dean is also doing the Nativity at school this year, he was cast as an angel but refused to do it because he didn't want to wear a white dress so his teacher said he could be a shepherd instead which pleased him a bit more until he found out that they also wear a dress...he's not a happy bunny but has agreed to be a shepherd because it's a more manly dress than the angels...still I wonder what he'd do if he went to the same school as my kids and had to be the stable pig...pink tights...I can't see it somehow!

Jenny xx

Happy Harry...

5 year old brought Happy Harry home from school today.

Happy Harry is a toy dog which the Primary One kids get to bring home for the night. The kids get really chuffed if they get to bring Harry home because it means they are "special person" in class that day!

Harry comes with a diary and you need to write what you did the night you had Harry home. We had Harry a few months ago so this is our second time with him...5 year old is super chuffed!
Of course it's not enough just to write what you did with Harry, somone who had him early on decided to take photos of what Harry did when he was with them so now we all do that...the photo's are printed off and stuck in the diary along with your entry!

I like Harry, he's a really nice dog and a credit to his parents. He's very quiet so it's difficult to have a decent conversation with him but he is very polite and goes to bed when he's told to unlike 5 year old!

Last visit Harry played on the Playstation till his head was bursting...this time 5 year old showed Harry his new "hearts fc" bedroom and taught Harry a few football songs! Harry had to have Macaroni cheese for tea because 5 year old says it's Harry's favourite and of course Harry ate it all up so he got Ice Cream for afters. 5 year old and Harry are now in bed watching Scooby Doo.

Here's Harry and 5 year old...

And so ends another average night in the mad house I call home!

Jenny xx

Damn Those Wise Men...

Christmas is fast approaching and with it all the joys of the festive season.

People have their trees up, fairy lights shine from windows, everyone is out buying their gifts, the children are excited, the weather is cold and crisp, women are making the house cosy for Christmas, food is being bought, cards are arriving, relatives are getting ready to go to their loved ones for the big day and throughout the land is a sense of magic and calm, everyone filled with Christmas joy...and if you believe that you'll believe anything!

It's more a case of everyone being filled with stress and anger than Christmas joy. Have you noticed how we all become violence filled, crazed maniacs as Christmas approches? It's the same every year: Choas, stress and arguments and that's before the big day even appears!

Relationships and marriages suffer as husbands/partners/boyfriends are dragged round the shops by their other halves to purchase the necessary presents. The men would rather eat their own hands than have to be standing in a queue in Argos, especially on a Saturday afternoon when the footie is on.

Grown women fight with each other to grab the last Bratz doll or Power Ranger off the shelf in Toys R Us and normally placid Ladies get trolley rage fighting to get their sprouts and turkey in Marks & Sparks food hall. As for finding a car parking space in any shopping centre car park at a weekend...forget it! Families argue over where to put the tree and teenagers get pissed because Granny and Great Aunt Ethel are coming to stay so they need to clean their rooms and give up their beds.

Overdrafts get higher, credit card bills get higher and women get mad because despite all the hints, the other half hasn't been shopping for her present yet and she knows he'll leave it until Christmas Eve and she'll get a bra that's 2 sizes to big and crotchless pants that are 2 sizes too small or worse still a gift voucher!

I blame the wise men for all the hassles related to present buying...it's their fault we fight over car parking spaces, toys and turkey's...it's their fault we have to spend too much money...

I mean honestly...they rock up to the stable, not even knowing the family, poor Mary lying there puffed out from all that pushing, probably arguing with Joseph about who's baby it is and saddle sore from that bloody donkey ride and these 3 strange men appear bearing gifts...and because these wise men listened to voices and followed a star and felt the need to bring their gold, frankincense and myrhh as gifts to the baby we're all here arguing in Argos!

They started the whole present giving thing...so it follows that it's all their fault! Well I need to blame someone!

Jenny xx

Speaking Of Embarrassing Yourself...

Take That are back.

Bloody hell this could be truly embarrassing. I watched the documentary on tv a few weeks ago and felt a wave of nostalgia...I was a huge fan. True Take That fans have known for several months now that a reunion was on the cards. We have been waiting to find out if they would tour again and now they've announced that they will.

I can still remember the day they announced they were splitting up. Thousands of girls in tears and suicide helplines set up to aid those so overcome that they thought life wasn't worth living...Richard and Judy dedicated their daily agony phone in to Take That fans!

10 years on and those same girls who were in hysterics were cringing on their sofa's last week as the footage of them in their grief was re-shown during the documentary. I was a 22 year old woman expecting my first baby the day they split and I'm pleased to say I wasn't in tears or in need of the suicide helpline...

Sis and I used to have posters of them all over our room. Back then she was very much a Robbie girl and I was a Mark fan and the room was divided to show this! We bought the cd's, taped everything they were in off the tv and kept it...I still have it to this day, we went to all the tours, bought magazines with them in and t-shirts...you name it we wanted it...The money spent doesn't bear thinking about!

So now they're back again. Of course it can never be the same. For one thing the boys are all a decade older and I can't see them breakdancing or wearing rubber anymore, for another those screaming girls are now mostly Mum's like me...more importantly there's still no Robbie...

Still I went to see Wet Wet Wet a year ago on their reunion tour and I was instantly 15 again...Marti Pellow is still gorgeous (if a little haggard from the heroin) and the voice still there. The audience had all been there before and were all a good bit older than the last time we saw them in Glasgow but the atmosphere was still the same, the women still screamed and everyone sang along...I hope the Take That gigs are the same.

I will dust off my dungaree's, dig out the video, get my dummy round my neck and queue for my tickets...for deep inside me there is a teenage girl still lurking desperate to get out...I shudder to think what would happen if Wham! reformed!!

And if all we get from this reunion is one more chance to see the guys live before they drop into obscurity again then so be it.

So forget Westlife and Boyzone and all hail the original and best boy band of the 90's and naughties....

Jenny xx

Night Fever...

I was out on Thursday night to see the stage musical version of Saturday Night Fever. There was 16 of us that went ranging from the kids to the mums.

None of us were old enough to have gotten into the cinema to see the movie when it was first released...I was about 4 at the time but being in my (very early) thirities I was part of the "John Travolta was a god" era. You know, the same age group of women who worshipped John Taylor from Duran Duran and who dreamed of marrying George Michael long before we knew he batted for the other side and who proudly wore t-shirts with "Frankie Says Relax" on the front.

Sad but true.

So we sang our way through the performance in our best Bee Gee's voices, much to the embarrassment of children and the whole place was on it's feet dancing along at the end even the kids!

It's not the best show I've seen but it was a good night out and strangely enough 9 year old has asked me to download the soundtrack for her...I won't be downloading it though because I already have it...it sits alongside my Wham and Duran Duran CD's.

Jenny xx